Book Description
Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? In this illuminating book, Deborah Tannen, the linguist and and bestselling author of
You Just Don't Understand and many other books, reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic even when we're all adults. Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In
I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages — unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said. Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen reveals what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom.
This eye-opening book explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers; and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters; why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives; and much, much more. By helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age.
Customer Reviews:
You Need to read this Book!.......2007-09-13
Everyone with a family should read this book. It has excellent examples and you will recognize the conversations and situations because you have heard or participated in very similar communication fiascoes.
Extremely informative.......2006-06-27
I have used the information in this book to enhance my communication and relationship skills with my family and others I work with. I believe the book is worth the time reading!
I only Say This because i Love you.......2006-03-19
This makes a mother stop and isten to herself when she is talking to her adult daughter. Why does the daughter not like to visit her? Well, in this book may be the answer, the way the mother talks to her grown daughter. The book should go both ways in helping the daughter learn how to talk to her mother, who is wanting a close relationship to her grown daughter now. This is a very good book, one that can help people grow in their communications with each other.
Interesting.......2006-03-16
I found this book to be helpful in understanding some of the language that goes on between my family, to know we are not the only ones out there with problems in relating to each other.
really really really really good. really........2003-10-27
I cannot express how much this book has helped me understand what's going on in my family. A lot of arguments in my family center around who said what, how they said it, and why they said it. And Tannen provides almost all of the tools necessary for us to even think about reconciling.
This really is an enlightening book. What it does do, is explain what goes on in a particular aspect of any family - she explains how family arguments and conversations work, why some things are said but other left unsaid, and provides some suggestions and advice for going back and fixing some of those misunderstandings. She provides a really comprehensive overview of whole family setups, organizations, and tons of possible situations.
She doesn't say "here's how to fix your problems - they shall all be solved". She can't - she's not your own psychologist. But there is so much information to work with, that for a majority of families this will definitely provide a really good and solid basis for reconciling, and even allowing family members to start talking to each other civily again.
Tannen has done tons of research, and provides many examples from all types of families throughout the whole book - grandparents, partners, families with children, families without children, cross-culture families, etc.. I do have to completely agree with another reader that the examples Tannen gives could have been plucked straight from my life. I found one line in particular that could actually explain away years of misunderstanding between two whole branches of my family, myself included. It's also a very fast read - I read it through in just a few days, and I'm a slow reader.
If anyone in your family is even remotely having difficulties talking to others in your family, you should buy this book. I can't tell you how much it's helped me already. Had to buy two more copies of the book for other family members to "borrow".
Product Description
Paperback International Edition textbook. Printing and illustrations are in black and white. Contents are the same as the hardcover.
Book Description
Only children don’t have to share bedrooms, toys, or the backseat of a car. They don’t have to share allowances, inheritances, or their parents’ attention. But when they get into trouble, they can’t just blame their imaginary friends. In Only Child, twenty-one acclaimed writers tell the truth about life without siblings—the bliss of solitude, the ache of loneliness, and everything in between.
In this unprecedented collection, writers like Judith Thurman, Kathryn Harrison, John Hodgman, and Peter Ho Davies reflect on the single, transforming episode that defined each of them as an only child. For some it came while lurking around the edges of a friend’s boisterous family, longing to be part of the chaos. For others, it came in sterile hospital halls, while single-handedly caring for a parent with cancer. They write about the parents who raised them, from the devoted to the dismissive. They describe what it’s like to be an only child of divorce, an only because of the death of a sibling, an only who reveled in it or an only who didn’t.
In candid, poignant, and often hilarious essays, these authors—including the children of Erica Jong, Alice Walker, and Phyllis Rose—explore a lifetime of onliness. As adults searching for partners, they are faced with the unique challenge of trying to turn a longtime trio into a quartet. In deciding whether to give junior a sib, they weigh the benefits of producing the friend they never had against the fear that they will not know how to divide their love and attention among multiples. As they watch their parents age, they come face-to-face with the onus of being their family’s sole historian.
Whether you’re an only child curious about how your experiences compare to others’, the partner or spouse of an only, a parent pondering whether to stop at one, or someone with siblings who’s always wondered how the other half lives, Only Child offers a look behind the scenes and into the hearts of twenty-one smart and sensitive writers as they reveal the truth about growing up—and being a grown-up—solo.
Customer Reviews:
A must read for an only child or anyone who knows one.......2007-08-05
This was a terrific book. Although I am an only child with many only child friends, I had never thought so much about how much that aspect of my background shaped my life. Reading this book was like reading my own diary - I discovered many things in common with these writers, and found their stories funny, heartwarming and fascinating. I want to give it to everyone I know so that they will understand me better! So glad I found this book.
A delightful collection.......2007-07-24
I first bought a few copies of this book to give to the only "onlies" in my life. (I'm a middle child with an older brother and younger sister, and I never really gave much thought to what life might be like without siblings.) I happened to sneak a peek, though, before giving one of the books away and, after reading just the introduction, decided to go out and get my own copy. I then read one essay each night before bed and loved the variety of voices and experiences captured in this collection. The writing is strong, the stories are poignant - they made me laugh, cry, and think about myself, my family, and other families around me. I absolutely recommend this book; it's a joy to read.
Not just for onlies.......2007-07-13
OK, I'm not an only child, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and remembering the times I imagined myself as one. It speaks to those of us with siblings who ever looked to our only friends and thought, just for a minute, that we wished we were (admit it, you've been there). And it offers enormous insight into that intimate world for anyone contemplating having one--and only one. Simply storytelling at its finest.
Interesting Perspectives & Funny, often Poignant Stories.......2007-07-12
As one of three, and the mother of three, I fully enjoyed the anecdotes and perspectives of these onlies. My mom was an only, and now maybe, just maybe, I can relate to her onlyness a little bit! I thought it would make me wish I was one of one, but it made me grateful for my siblings, and extended siblings especially to help get through rough times. A fun read.
surrounded by onlies.......2007-07-11
I'm the wife of an only, a man who loved being a singular sensation growing up. I'm also the mother of an only who didn't. So I was curious about what I'd find in this book. I found Siegel's piece particularly helpful in understanding why it was so hard to break into my husband's tight little family of three. And, in Teller's piece, I found reassurance that my daughter will be okay when we're even older and even grayer and she has to deal with us all by herself. Some of the pieces were laugh-out-loud funny (like the "wrong bedroom" scene in Uviller's piece), some were curious, some were sad. My final conclusion comforted me: like everything, there are lots of variations on the theme. And they're all interesting.
Book Description
As the parent of an only child, are you frustrated because you find yourself overindulging and overcompensating? Do you treat your child like an adult, overpraise, or overprotect him? Have you expected perfection from your child yet failed to make rules and implement them consistently? If you are not a perfect parent of an only child, you are not alone. Based on the real-life experiences of Carolyn White—editor of Only Child, parent, and educator—and hundreds of interviews with only children and parents of only children, The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child celebrates the special rewards and opportunities of the single-child family and offers a practical (and often humorous) guide for overcoming the most common errors parents can make when rearing an only child.
Download Description
As the parent of an only child, are you frustrated because you find yourself overindulging and overcompensating? Do you treat your child like an adult, overpraise, or overprotect him? Have you expected perfection from your child yet failed to make rules and implement them consistently? If you are not a perfect parent of an only child, you are not alone. Based on the real-life experiences of Carolyn White—editor of Only Child, parent, and educator—and hundreds of interviews with only children and parents of only children, The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child celebrates the special rewards and opportunities of the single-child family and offers a practical (and often humorous) guide for overcoming the most common errors parents can make when rearing an only child.
Customer Reviews:
Love this book.......2007-01-13
I love this book. Excellent information for parents of an only child.
The Kind of Problems You WANT to Have........2006-12-19
Poor Johnny. His parents are always taking him to posh resorts in Bali. And then there are the tours of Europe...and the fact that they talk to him like a person and not a drooling Disney-addicted lobotomy patient. Surely this experience will scar him for life. Of course, Johnny attributes his angst to being an only child. Yet, one is willing to wager, that if Johnny had siblings, his woes would still be the fault of his parents and their family planning decisions. Because of course being the child of workaholics with too much money and way too much space on their Visa platinum has nothing to do with his spoiled, disaffected misery.
Seriously, folks, I picked up this book to get an idea of whether or not I want to have a second child. I was trying to educate myself on both sides of the issue. This book offered very little advice relevant to my reality. Maybe if I were, again, a workaholic with too much credit who had waited until I was 56 to start breeding, it would be a different story. The only parts of the book that were relevant at all to a simple prole like me were the bits that were mere common sense, ie, don't ask for your kid's opinion on which marriage therapist to see or antidepressant to put granny on. Other than that, the "sins" are not even feasible as issues for me ("don't buy your kid everything they want" uh no duh, plus I CAN'T!) or were too stupid for words. Like, "let your kid be a kid, let them do kid stuff with kid people. Don't expect them to act like human beings or have complex human personalities and interests." I'm all for letting a tautology be a tautology but dude, I would have killed to be drug along to France when I was a kid.
The Best "Only" Guide Out There!!.......2006-06-07
I think I've read every book about only children that has ever been written. "The Seven Common Sins" is by far the most practical, touching and inspiring one that I've read so far. The real life tales that Carolyn White provides, coupled with her wonderful way of expressing her own experience raising her only child, made me feel at ease. It was so comforting to know that there are other people out there who have had the same experiences that I have had! Carolyn provides great, solid advice in each section and I really benefitted from doing the "quizzes." I would recommend this book for only children, parents of only children, and for families in general!
Pratical advice for parents of only children.......2006-05-07
Don't take the title too literally! This is one of the best books on parenting; such great, hands-on practical advice. I view the book as a wonderful parenting tool for families with any number of children. As I read the book, I was reminded of several situations that I have observed in families with multiple children, and the parents "commit the same sins" that you mention in the book. Good parenting requires the same principles no matter how many children are in the home. Also, the www.onlychild.com website is a great resource for handling questions from others on why we have an only child. Thank you for your support and common sense!
the title of the book.......2005-08-10
I have an only child and am always interested in learning more, the categories seem to be the same as what I have already read on. I would not by this book, simply because of the title. I do not think "sins" is appropriate and it is a big turn away to me. Many parents of only children feel inadequate having only one child and to use this in the title just doesn't help much.
Book Description
In this classic crack-up of a book, Dave Barry gives his wacky perspective on sex, childbirth, parenting and other forms of slow, cruel torture.
In Babies and Other Hazards of Sex, Dave exposes natural childbirth for what it is: a pop phenomenon of the 1960s that, along with paisley bell-bottoms and creative sideburns, deserves a rest. He examines the new federal law requiring prospective fathers to free themselves from their self-made macho prisons--to laugh, cry, love and just generally behave like certified wimps.
Dave also reveals, for the first time in print, the secret chant for painless childbirth.
Then learn why no secret chant could possibly take a woman's mind off the fact that she is in such pain that she wants a gigantic comet to crash into the earth and kill her and her husband and the dotor and the nurses and everyone else in the world.
Customer Reviews:
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: review.......2007-07-04
This book should be the bible for those considering having kids. I bought more copies of this for gifts then I can count. It's too funny and I highly recommend it.
One of Dave Barry's best laughs.......2007-01-21
Purchased as a gift for a close friend shortly after they found out they were expecting, because I purchased this 5 years ago when our son and his wife were expecting and living a great distance away. Both men found this book a laugh a minute. Dave Barry at his best.
Warning - Do not read in last trimester!.......2006-06-29
This book is very funny, weirdly prophetic and difficult to read if you've got 8lbs of baby pressing down on your bladder!
THE ONLY BOOK YOU WILL NEED.............2005-10-21
I have always been a fan of Dave Barry.
When my baby's mama got pregnant I spent the better part of three months in a drunken haze. "WHAT WILL I DO?!" I constantly asked my friends. None of them knew. I had just barely turned twenty one and none of my friends were or ever had been in the same boat.
Truth of the matter is, nobody can tell you what to do in this circumstance. The object is to go with the flow, from the time that chick of yours gets pregnant to ... forever.
I was THRILLED when I found this book, and it did not dissapoint. Without it I may have lost my mind and killed that chick with a hatchet.
Very funny, and it will make you forget that you are in HELL! Must have for suprised "expectants."
Not worth the money.......2005-08-04
Just not funny, I returned the book and got my money back.
Average customer rating:
- Back In The Big Apple!!
- Read this book!
- Better Than the Last, But still Flawed
- Try To Put It Down, I Dare You!
- "Classic" Burke
|
Only Child: A Burke Novel (Burke Novels)
Andrew Vachss
Manufacturer: Knopf
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
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ASIN: 0375414878
Release Date: 2002-10-08 |
Amazon.com
Andrew Vachss's series hero, an outlaw vigilante named Burke, is on the trail of the man who murdered the teenage daughter of a Mafioso whose secret affairs with a black woman and a gay crime boss make Tony Soprano's sub rosa relationship with his psychiatrist seem inconsequential. More accustomed to committing crimes than investigating them, Burke comes out of retirement and reunites with his New York family, a group of criminals who join him in a clever ruse to unmask the killer. The circuitous trail eventually leads to an underground filmmaker whose disturbing brand of noir vérité was responsible for the girl's death; as usual, Burke metes out vengeance with a steady hand. As usual, Vachss turns in a suitably dark, violent thriller with a strong narrative drive and an explosive conclusion. --Jane Adams
Book Description
After years on the run, Burke is desperate to return to his native New York, the only way he can reconnect with his outlaw “family.” But to survive in their part of the City, where reputation is everything, Burke must take major risks to reestablish his presence. So when a Mafia man contacts him about the murder-as-message of his sixteen-year-old daughter—the offspring of what he calls an “outside the tribe” affair that he must keep secret at all costs—Burke’s depleted bankroll persuades him to step out of the shadows and do something he hasn’t done in years . . . actually investigate a crime.
Burke needs cover to penetrate the teenage subculture of the Long Island town where the girl lived and died, so he puts together a crew of gifted role-players, including a pair of lesbian “power exchangers” who market their special brand of sex on the Internet. When Burke himself surfaces as a casting director, seeking tomorrow’s stars for a movie to be shot on location, the investigation quickly spins off into uncharted depths. What he discovers is a new kind of filmmaking, a new kind of violence, and a predator unlike any he’s ever known. When they meet head-on over a brutal work of cinéma vérité, only one of them will survive the final cut.
Download Description
After years on the run, Burke is desperate to return to his native New York, the only way he can reconnect with his outlaw "family." But to survive in their part of the City, where reputation is everything, Burke must take major risks to reestablish his presence. So when a Mafia man contacts him about the murder-as-message of his sixteen-year-old daughter -- the offspring of what he calls an "outside the tribe" affair that he must keep secret at all costs -- Burke's depleted bankroll persuades him to step out of the shadows and do something he hasn't done in years... actually investigate a crime.
Burke needs cover to penetrate the teenage subculture of the Long Island town where the girl lived and died, so he puts together a crew of gifted role-players, including a pair of lesbian "power exchangers" who market their special brand of sex on the Internet. When Burke himself surfaces as a casting director, seeking tomorrow's stars for a movie to be shot on location, the investigation quickly spins off into uncharted depths. What he discovers is a new kind of filmmaking, a new kind of violence, and a predator unlike any he's ever known. When they meet head-on over a brutal work of cinéma vérité, only one of them will survive the final cut.
Customer Reviews:
Back In The Big Apple!!.......2007-08-21
Oh, you have no idea how amazingly awesome it is to have Burke back in NYC. And as always, Vachss, does an amazing job of spreading out this despicable underworld and helping us navigate it.
Burke's back. He's got a new hideaway, and he's among his loved ones again. There is still the pain and betrayal that befalls everyone whose paths he crosses, just as there is also his sense of justice, and his determination to bring the worst offenders to their come-uppance.
Read this book!.......2004-04-11
This book is the greatest! The author's critique of movie worshippers is the best ever.
Better Than the Last, But still Flawed.......2004-01-23
Andrew Vachss lost the thread of his Burke books about five years ago. What he needs is a good editor again to tell him what's working and what isn't. I have to say, though, that he seemed to be getting back on track with this one, although there's about 80 pages of padding. I kept saying to myself, "Get to it, Vachhs, and stop babbling!" Finally I gave up and just couldn't finish. Still, I remain a fan of the man's work.
Try To Put It Down, I Dare You!.......2003-12-03
It is 4:30 in the morning.
Now that we have established that little fact, let me tell you a little bit about my reading habits. I have a library full of books. Heck, I work in a book store. I adore books. A nice little chunk of every day is spent reading something. Since my son was born almost a year ago, this reading mostly takes place at the foot of the stairs to my apartment while I draw on a pipe so the smoke won't offend anyone else in the house. I usually read in twenty to forty minute sessions, usually enough for a bowl or two of Vanilla Cavendish. After that I put the book down and go about my day (or night as it usually turns out). It is like my own little sanctuary, and that is where I leave it. There is a stack of books at the foot of the stairs I am currently working through. In the last year I have never brought a book back up with me to continue. There is always a good spot to put a book down, believe me. At least I thought so until I started Only Child today. I read while I smoked, then I came up to the living room and read while my wife watched TV, then I returned to the spot and smoked some more (at least with a pipe I am looking at lip and throat cancer rather than that lung stuff), followed by a stint in the rocking chair and finally finishing with a last smoke while the book raced to its conclusion. I am not a fast reader either. I tend to savor books. The closer this book got to the final pages, however, the faster I read. I read as I walked up and down the stairs. I read as I went to the kitchen for a soda. I just couldn't look away from this book. In my younger days, I might have read a book straight through, but age (and being an aging father) has caught up with me. Now it is an unknown experience. Until I started Only Child today.
I am not going to go into plot elements and how wonderful and engaging and hard Mr. Vachss writing is or even how amazing the character of Burke is at he has evolved over the years and in the pages (and you should read the Burke novels in order as there is definite evolution and continuity). You probably know all that. I am simply going to tell you that in years of reading some really wonderful books, the experience of having found one so intriguing that I couldn't put it down until it was done is an experience I haven't had in a very long while.
It is 4:30 in the morning, and I couldn't be happier. Or more blown away.
"Classic" Burke.......2003-08-09
This is a return to the sort of Burke story that got me hooked on the series in the first place. It was great to have Burke reconnected with his New York "family". I'm always impressed with Mr. Vachss' abilities as a writer on every level, plot, dialouge, texture and (especially in this instance) a killer ending - he certainly doesn't disappoint here. If you are unfamiliar with the series, this would be a good place to jump in, if you are already a Vachss reader, you can be sure that a great series continues to thrive with this installment.
Book Description
The first generation of children born under China’s one-child family policy is now reaching adulthood. What are these children like? What are their values, goals, and interests? What kinds of relationships do they have with their families? This is the first in-depth study to analyze what it is like to grow up as the state-appointed vanguard of modernization. Based on surveys and ethnographic research in China, where the author lived with teenage only children and observed their homes and classrooms for 27 months between 1997 and 2002, the book explores the social, economic, and psychological consequences of the government’s decision to accelerate the fertility transition.
Only Hope shows how the one-child policy has largely succeeded in its goals, but with unintended consequences. Only children are expected to be the primary providers of support and care for their retired parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and only a very lucrative position will allow them to provide for so many dependents. Many only children aspire to elite status even though few can attain it, and such aspirations lead to increased stress and competition, as well as intense parental involvement.
Book Description
Psychological maltreatment is probably the most common form of child abuse. Not only is it a type of maltreatment existing in its own right, but also is imbedded in and interacts with all other forms of child abuse and neglect.
Psychological Maltreatment of Children is a brief introduction to the emotional abuse of children and youth for mental health professionals, child welfare specialists, and other professionals involved with research, education, practice, and policy development in child maltreatment. The book defines and outlines theories of psychological maltreatment and describes its effects, as well as examines this form of abuse as a social problem. It also covers assessment, prevention, and treatment strategies and shows how to analyze a case of child psychological maltreatment. This book also offers an opportunity to earn four continuing education (CE) units through the purchase and successful completion of its accompanying CE test. Both practicing professionals and students will find this concise work to be an excellent introduction to this highly pervasive yet often-ignored form of child abuse.
Book Description
Is it possible to raise a contented only child? Can we be happy with only one child? The answer to both of these questions is a resounding yes.
In recent years, the number of couples choosing to have one child has risen sharply. Whether it's by choice or fate, having a single child presents unique considerations, opportunities, and advantages. Social psychologist Susan Newman, who has been studying single-child families since the 1980s, shatters the myths of the lonely, spoiled only child, and provides in-depth coverage of the critical issues including:
• Making the right family size decision for you
• Withstanding the pressure to have another
• Maintaining a balance of power in a three-member household
• Single-parenting the only child
• Setting boundaries with a child who is used to having your undivided attention
• Fostering high achievement, creativity, and independence in only children
• The effects of having parents, instead of siblings, as role models
• Confronting age-old only-child stereotypes
• Building family networks and other support systems for the future
Presenting fascinating findings and family stories, Dr. Newman shares her knowledge and gives down-to-earth advice, making this the most accessible, up-to-date handbook of its kind. For couples who are already raising an only child, or for those who are exploring the option,
Parenting an Only Child offers encouraging clarity and singular insight. Now with a new resource section.
Download Description
Since the Baby Boom years, the number of couples choosing to have only one child has risen sharply. But whether it's by choice or fate, having just a single child presents unique considerations and opportunities. Debunking the myths of the misfit or spoiled only child, Parenting an Only Child provides in-depth coverage on topics such as: -- Maintaining a balance of power in a three-member household. -- How to set boundaries with a child who is used to having your undivided attention. --How being an "only" can foster high achievement and independence in children. -Why "onlies" need not be lonely. -The effects of having parents, instead of siblings, as models. --Confronting the stereotypes that only children are overly shy or overly aggressive. --Responding to negative predictions from others. What the future holds for aging parents of only children. Providing fascinating findings and family histories, prolific parenting writer Susan Newman shares her knowledge in an encouraging, down-to-earth tone, making this the most accessible, up-to-date handbook of its kind. For couples who are already raising an only child or for those who are exploring the option, Parenting an Only Child provides singular insight.
Customer Reviews:
Parenting an only child.......2007-10-08
If we had any doubts about adding to our family, this book answered our questions. I liked the author's views on parenting our son and especially helpful to me were the tips on parents' attitudes--what works when raising an only child. When I started reading it I felt as if our son was beginning to run our lives, but Dr. Newman gave me several ideas on how to stop that and they are working! She covers all the bases, so to speak, so I highly recommend this book for parents of one as well as for parents who are on the fence like we were.
Parenting...Preachy.......2007-09-13
This text is not what I was hoping for. I was looking for something with better laid-out strategies. The first few chapters focus on the case for onlies. I want something more geared towards people who have already decided on an only.
A communist manifesto for having an only child!.......2006-07-03
Not to invoke images of politics in this review, but this book reads much more like a manifesto about why it is so wonderful to have an only child rather than multiples.
There's only about 80 pages in the 243 pages that actually deal with parenting (pages 99 to 178 in the paperback edition), and these pages may worth the price of the book. A couple of insights (at least for me), is that it's just as important to share not just toys and things (which the author points out is easy to teach to onlies with extensive time in playgroups), but it's also important to teach sharing time. It's important for the only child to know that mommy and daddy aren't always at the onlies beck and call.
The first 99 pages deal with the changing demographics -- families have gotten much smaller in the past 50 years (in case anyone hasn't noticed!) -- and that the problems encountered by onlies 50 years ago just aren't relevant today. Onlies are so much more common now. But, for teaching parenting skills, don't look in these first 99 pages, they are just filled with facts and figures about family sizes.
Then, starting about page 179 to the end, the book is all about standing up to the pressure parents feel (from themselves, from friends, from enemies, from the grandparents, etc. etc.) to have more kids. This is probably good reading if you find yourself facing pressure (external or internal) to have another child but don't really want one. Still, not much in these pages about parenting.
Towards the end of the book, there's discussion about a serious issue: how is the only to cope when the parents are old, sick and ultimately die. The book still doesn't recommend having a second child, but does acknowledge that these are real concerns and presents some well thought out strategies. For example, the book points out that siblings may not be as helpful in caring for older parents than we'd all hope. The book also recommends that parents take extra time allowing the only to have strong and meaningful relationships with extended family -- first and second cousins -- and to continually develop the ability to maintain strong friendships (which can often be as meaningful relationship to the only as family).
Overall, some good discussion on relavent issues, but also too pendantic at times. The 80 pages in the middle actually relating to parenting were good, if a bit lightweight. Unfortunately, the way that author continually quotes others to make her point seemed too anecdotal to me. It would have been nice for a Psychology PhD to have provided more substance and research-based discussion.
Trite and superficial - NOT aparenting Tool.......2005-08-17
Half of this book is devoted to justifying the decision to have an only child. If you aren't deeply committed to having had one and that's just how it is, the repetitive superiority argument gets tiresome. If you do hold deep convictions that this is the right and only decision for you, I doubt that you need this kind of validation... there are bettter arguments than she offers. Newman spends a lot of time arguing against the myths of how an only child will turn out...selfish, spoiled, dependent, etc. But the second half of the book, supposedly devoted to the unique issues of parenting an only, droans on about these same issues and paints the picture of the over-zealous pressuring super-mom/dad. There is very little new or useful information presented, especially if you've ever read, another, better parenting book. She provides few citations of actual research to back up her assertions and relies simply on naming indiviuals who are onlies or parents of onlies and citing their experiences in support of her "conclusions" it was easy to doubt their authenticity. By then end of the book she sounded like a park bench parent who assumed her way was the best/only way. I also found her penchant for bashing the relationships of siblings and parents/children in multi-child families distressing and her arguments quite flawed. I forced myself to finish this book hoping to come away with some useful information about the truly unique and complex issues that arise with an only child. You need not waste your time doing the same... there is little here other than oversimplified generalitites, unsubstantiated opinions, and streotyping.
Not the best.......2005-08-04
This book slams families with more than one child.As an only child myself I took this book out of the library out of curiosity.Mrs neuman is obviously against the traditional family and glorifies the idea of having one child.As an only child I have to say that the research is seriously FLAWED.The parents of onlies will not live forever,friends and other relatives will never be as close as a sibling.I can honestly say that I would give anything to have a sibling and I deeply resent my parents selfish decision to have one child.Not all onlies are confident or social butterflys as she boldly claims,very often the opposite is true.Very often the so-called MYTHS about onlies are in fact true.This is a sad attempt to sell a book .The greatest gift that any parent can give their child is a sibling.I have 5 children,they are well provided for,we dont live in poverty or chaos,we dont need to spend thousands on classes galore,we certainly dont drive a station wagon,or live on macaroni and I stay home with my kids.Mrs Neumans negative view of large families and stay at home moms is sad to say the least.
Book Description
Single-child families are more common than ever before, yet many parents are concerned that they are somehow cheating their child of a "real" family experience. Recent findings, however, suggest that only children are frequently more confident, verbal and quick to learn than children from larger families. In this reassuring and practical book, Dr. Patricia Nachman presents solid, well-supported evidence that the myths surrounding only children are just that -- myths.
Drawing on her years of practice as a child psychologist, Nachman offers proven parenting strategies for dealing with a range of issues unique to only child-households, while helping parents build a strong, supportive relationship with their child. Filled with insight and authoritative advice, You and Your Only Child reassures parents that there is nothing unnatural about being or having an only child.
Customer Reviews:
A Feel Good Book.......2006-05-11
I found this book to be mostly a Feel Good About Yourself kind of book. The issues that were brought up were all issues those of us with onlies already know and are dealing with. The book offered very little advice or 'how to's' on how to deal with these issues, and the advice it did give was just common sense. Also, the constant references to "Studies" that show how great things are going to be for your only and how wonderful he/she is going to turn out, were a bit too much, in fact I began to doubt if those studies were real.
Helpful.......2004-10-20
I liked this book. It had some helpful tips on raising an "only" child. I grew up (happily) with seven siblings and was afraid that my son would be lonely but this book made me feel that he can have a perfectly happy childhood.
An Excellent Resource.......2002-03-15
What is wonderful about this book is that it includes and speaks directly to parents who may not have originally intended for their child to be an "only". Parents who may have wanted a larger family, but cannot due to circumstance are dealing with their own feelings as well and this book does a great job of identifing and advising on this aspect. This book is well written, well organized and offers practical advice in an intelligent and reassuring way.
Disappointing.......2000-05-28
I found this book disappointing. It was very basic and anecdotal, and seemed to only brush the surface of many of the issues I am seriously struggling with. Some may find it useful, but being fairly educated and knowledgeable as a parent, I found it rather insulting.
Good, solid book.......2000-02-01
I've recently read 4 Amazon books on this subject. This one is the second best. Unlike two of the others, it does not get lost in personal narrative and anecdotal evidence. It offers support based on the experience and opinions of experts rather than simply relying on opinions of random individuals.
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