Book Description
"Birthdays may be difficult for me."
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."
"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."
"I am afraid you will abandon me."
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.
With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family,
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.
Customer Reviews:
Great Book for Adoptive Parents and possibly Adoptee's.......2007-09-27
I have just begun reading this book but can already tell it is going to be very helpful for my husband and I and how we bring up our daughter. It is essential to know these things beforehand and to be equipped for how to deal with them.
Book review.......2007-09-13
This is an awesome book and filled with valuable and useful information for ALL parties within the adoption triad!
Scary book.......2007-08-12
I would NOT recommend this book to anyone considering adoption and the recommendations that Ms. Eldridge gives for adoptive children could be very psychologically harmful to children.
Focuses on negative, but is realistic.......2007-08-09
I am adopting 2 boys and when I first read this book it totally scared me! It seemed like there was no way that anything positive could come out of adoption. At the same time, my older sister was adopted as a child and I could see so much of what was written in what played out in my family growing up.
This book is real and it is important to learn from the pain others have gone through to try to ease that for the future generations of adopted children. This book does complain - that's often what we do. But while doing so, it sheds light on the internal pain that many people who have been adopted can feel.
Do not read this book as your sole source of information though. There are a number of books that offer practical advice that will give hope and understanding on how to talk positively about adoption, how to love your entire family without guilt, and how to give the love that the child needs.
On a side note: I let my mom read this book and at first she was upset by it. She had done the best job she could to raise her adopted child just as she did the rest of us. After some time away from the book and after several talks, she came to understand that by "ignoring" the differences she was not helping her daughter and just because her daughter didn't bring up the adoption didn't mean that she wasn't thinking about it all the time.
Yesterday to Today: A book I hated 5 years ago is suddenly really good.........2007-08-01
Adopted children have a range of specific needs as a result of their backgrounds. These are described by Sherrie Eldridge in her book "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew".
As an adoptee and an adoptive mom, it had been for many years my opinion that people wrote adoption books with the main objective of making money or becoming an 'expert'. I have seen a few really good ones over the years, and quite a few bad ones. When the following book crept across my review-table years ago, I barely gave it a glance, mentally classifying it as more rubbish about how adopted kids are particularly messed up.
Oh, how time can change our thinking! Some of my kids are older now and we have walked through their developmental changes, their yearnings, their wonderings. That search-for-self can be so very painful, but does it always have to be? And must every child agonize through it alone? I was wrong about this book. I have recognized that it is a useful guide to parents, and I want to give it my highest recommendation today.
Each month I will review one or two books that are think are the Good Ones. They will not all be newly published. Some, like this one, will be re-visited and given the proper review that I now know they deserve. In fact, in the review department, I have more books than I can possibly read. If you are a good writer and are experienced with reviewing, please contact me and I'll be glad to have publishers send samples!
Excerpt from Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
By Sherrie Eldridge (Dell Publishing)
The special needs of adopted children as expressed in the child's words:
Educational Needs :
* I need to be taught that adoption is both wonderful and painful, presenting lifelong challenges for everyone involved.
* I need to know my adoption story first, then my birth story and birth family.
* I need to be taught healthy ways for getting my special needs met.
* I need to be prepared for hurtful things others may say about adoption and about me as and adopted person.
Emotional Needs:
I need help in recognizing my adoption loss and grieving it
I need to be assured that my birth parents' decision not to parent me had nothing to do with anything defective in me.
I need help in learning to deal with my fears of rejection-to learn that absence doesn't mean abandonment, or a closed door that I have dome something wrong.
I need permission to express all my adoption feelings and fantasies.
Validation Needs :
* I need validation of my dual heritage (biological and adoptive).
* I need to be assured often that I am welcome and worthy.
* I need to be reminded often by my adoptive parents that they delight in my biological differences and appreciate my birth family's unique contribution to our family through me.
Relational Needs:
* I need friendships with other adopted persons.
* I need to be taught that there is a time to consider searching for my birth family and a time to give up searching.
* I need to be reminded that if I am rejected by my birth family, the rejection is about them, not me.
Spiritual Needs :
* I need to be taught that my life narrative began before I was born and that my life is not a mistake.
* I need to be taught that in this broken, hurting world loving families are formed through adoption as well as birth.
* I need to be taught that I have intrinsic, immutable value as a human being.
* I need to accept the fact that some of my adoption questions may never be answered in this life.
It would be wonderful if there were an outline...a course-book that came with every human born or adopted into each family. Many of the things above, such as 'I need to be assured that I am welcome and worthy', could be used with any child, anywhere. It is a gift of the greatest value to give your child the knowledge that they belong somewhere, they are wanted and cherished. I highly recommend this book, and hope you will learn from it, as I have. Perhaps a little bit later than I should have, but that is the benefit fo life: It gives plently of second chances.
Martha Osborne
Adoptee and Adoptive mom of five, Editor of [...] Adoption Magazine.
Book Description
What do men wish women knew about sex? The answer's not as simple as you think! In What Men Really Want in Bed, 200 men from all backgrounds and walks of life reveal frank, surprising truths about sex and what really turns them on (and off), including: The most exciting thing a lover has ever done to them in bed; What kinds of things their partners do that make them feel special and appreciated; How they really feel about oral sex; What they wish their wives and girlfriends knew about seduction, foreplay, masturbation, intercourse, sexual positions, body image, and more.
Customer Reviews:
Highly recommended! Great fun!.......2007-06-14
Though most of what is in this book is pretty obvious stuff, some of it was insightful but mostly it was just a fun book to read. Definitely worth buying!
Interesting, useful, and ok... fun........2007-04-03
We passed this book around at a party and had a great time reading the results of the many surveys and the insights revealed in the interviews. Very interesting information turned up in this book!
Just bought my own copy..........2007-03-28
...having perused a friend's copy of it last night. I've also read Red Hot Tantra by the same author and would highly recommend her short stories to anyone who enjoys good erotica.
Listening to Men.......2007-03-27
A wonderful opportunity to hear men talk about their experiences, and a chance for women to think about how they objectify men (we all know how it works the other way around!). Written clearly and with wit, by Cindi Gentry, this book is informative, juicy, without being sensationalistic.
Great book with great insight........2007-03-19
If you need to get into your man's mind and better understand why he acts the way he does, this is a great book for you.
Book Description
With the divorce rate spiking at a dizzying 60 percent, it’s safe to assume that young couples and experienced partners alike may lack the skills and understanding necessary to sustain a committed relationship. Psychotherapists Linda and Charlie Bloom present 101 techniques delivering practical guidance and make it clear that, regardless of past experience, anyone can develop the basic strengths, skills, and capacities needed for a great relationship. Each lesson is presented as a simple, one-line thought followed by an explanation using real life examples — from the authors' own experiences in sustaining their marriage of 31 years to those of the thousands of couples they've professionally counseled or who have taken the Blooms' life relationship seminars. This book demonstrates how anyone can find ways out of a painful relationship, and how couples can enrich their own relationships through working through love's challenges.
Customer Reviews:
A Must Read Book Before Getting Married.......2007-09-30
Don't let the title fool you. This book is great for anyone who is in a relationship.
really renews my belief in love.......2007-02-05
this book is amazing. i stumbled upon it in the bookstore and it was the last copy on display. i picked it up and thumbed through it and i was hooked. i'd never heard of the authors and this book. unfortunately i think we give a lot of credit to authors who get on major television shows and some authors that have good stuff to say don't ever get the credit they deserve....
back to the book...it's a great book the chapters are short and sweet (but not too short) and as other reviewers have mentioned the couple has lots of experience as therapists and a real married couple. i plan to suggest to my boyfriend that we read a couple of chapters an evening and discuss them. i really like the concepts in the book and think if you're in a serious relationship leading to marriage you owe it to yourself to get this. i suspect if you're already married you can still benefit too!
very good book.......2006-11-18
this is a must have book, whether or not you're married or even after! My husband and i highlighted sections that meant something to us and discussed them. really helped us over a hump! Highly recommend and it's an easy read.
A must have for those just married or about to get married!.......2006-03-13
Background:
I am getting married in about 10 weeks. My fiancé and I have recently had to deal with several issues that have surfaced. We are both very open, well educated and understanding, but all of a sudden we had trouble communicating well regarding several topics. We both come from parents who are remarried, and the overall divorce rate is very high in our family which scares us both. Furthermore, my mother's second marriage is one of those wonderful relationships that are written about in children's fairytales, and lately I have felt pressured that my relationship must to compare to hers.
Review:
If you are married, thinking about getting married, or recently married, you owe it to yourself read this book! If you aren't hooked on the book by the end of the table of contents I would be shocked!
I found this book at a local bookstore while browsing through the relationship section and it is GREAT! The book is basically a compilation of mostly lighthearted tips and pointers drawn from real life experience which would take a newly married couple many years to figure out. The book tackles many subjects, which after reading seem so simple and straight forward that I would have felt silly had I not understood them; however the truth is, I had never thought about these subjects, let alone how to deal with them.
After about three hours I am half way through the book and really feel like I am learning lessons that take others years of marriage to learn. The book has also helped my confide in, and understand the many benefits of a long enduring relationship that I had not thought about. Many of the books' subjects also revolve around the controversies and hurtles that a long term relationship will eventually face. The wonderful wisdom that Charlie and Linda Bloom present, is not how to try and avoid these rather unavoidable circumstances, but instead how to use these difficult times to help your marriage grow and become stronger than it would be had these situations not occurred. This is a great feeling, especially for men whose married and single friends often say very derogatory things regarding relationships in general.
Worth reading.......2006-02-02
For newlyweds or those married for a number of years, this book has many gems of wisdom to offer. My husband and I have been married for 28 years and read the book together and found it refreshing and helpful in some areas where we recognized chronic tension in our relationship. The authors' overall assessments of a variety of relationships and wisdom for handling various issues that arise between committed couples is on target. It is worth reading and would make a good gift for weddings (or anniversaries!)
Customer Reviews:
Do they get better?.......2007-01-19
Let it be said that I read for romance. I'll read anything (history, mystery, fantasy, action/adventure) as long as it has a good, strong romance mixed in. Also, I hope to someday write my own novels, so I read to learn as well as to satisfy my hopeless romantic side. I was leery about reading any of Henderson's books because I worried how the romance and mystery/action would measure out, so I figured I'd start with her first strictly romance novel. I just didn't realize that it was the first book she had ever written. I would cut her some slack for that alone, but I just couldn't get past the bad character development within the first few chapters. A woman who is grieving her husbands' death and decides to take a walk on the beach would not completely open her heart up to a stranger, let alone agree to go out on a date with him. I couldn't bring myself to finish this book, and thought that I had found another unsatisfying Christian romance author. But because this is her first book, I'll give her the benefit of a doubt. If any of Henderson's other books are any good, I'd love a recommendation as where to start.
Not her best..........2005-10-20
Okay, I'm the first to raise my hand and declare, "I'm a Dee Henderson Addict!", but this book just didn't thrill me. It wasn't until I was done reading it and was thinking, "blah..." that I realized this book was her FIRST book. Then, everything made sense. Her writing, character development, dialogue...everything has improved over the years. I then re-read the book with a more compassionate eye. It's still not up to snuff of the "O'Malley Series" or the "Uncommon Heroes" series, but for a first attempt, it was good. Again, if you're going to be reading "The Marriage Wish" thinking it was on par with her other books, you might be surprised (like me). But, if you read it and realize its significance in the literary process of Ms. Henderson, it's pretty good.
orignal, but sad.......2005-09-06
I thought that this book had a much different plot than most Christian romances. I enjoyed the story, but it was very sad all the way through. I had a headache from crying. All in all, I liked the book, but it will be quite a while before I pick it up again for a rereading.
The First of Henderson's Legacy.......2005-09-06
Dee Henderson began her legacy with a simply sweet romance book. I had read her O'Malley and Uncommon Heros Series before picking up this one. Her suspense and mystery were great, but this romance topped the charts. Its not a bad book. It reflects the sense of fear every widow or widower gets when first encountering love again. I fell in love with Scott and Jennifer. They really showed me Henderson at her finest. Any Romance lover will enjoy this book. I've re-read it already three times!
A Wonderful Book.......2005-06-02
This was a great book. It kept my attention the whole way thru.
Its a book that gets to your heart thats what i like.
I loved it.
Book Description
Offers parents of children with disabilities inspiration and advice from those who've been there
Reflections from a Different Journey presents 40 stories by successful adults who grew up with disabilities. They provide insights into what it is like to persevere in the face of community prejudices, and what it takes for families and children with disabilities to work together toward fulfillment.
While there are many books for parents on raising a child with a disability, this is the first to help them learn from people with disabilities, and to help children face the unique challenges and rewards of growing up with a disability. Reflections from a Different Journey will also encourage and inspire older children and adults with disabilities, other family members, and education and health care professionals who serve these families.
Download Description
Offers parents of children with disabilities inspiration and advice from those who've been there Reflections from a Different Journey presents 40 stories by successful adults who grew up with disabilities. They provide insights into what it is like to persevere in the face of community prejudices, and what it takes for families and children with disabilities to work together toward fulfillment. While there are many books for parents on raising a child with a disability, this is the first to help them learn from people with disabilities, and to help children face the unique challenges and rewards of growing up with a disability. Reflections from a Different Journey will also encourage and inspire older children and adults with disabilities, other family members, and education and health care professionals who serve these families.
Customer Reviews:
Good challenge for parents and families.......2007-09-09
As a parent of a child with a disability, this book challenged my "over protective-ness" and helped me see things the way my child may see them. The insight given is amazing, and has assisted me to see that my child can do more than even I give him credit for. A must read for parents!
I have been looking for a book like this!.......2006-03-09
This book is a collection of personal narratives by adults with a variety of disabilities. As the parent of a child with cerebral palsy, reading these stories is a great experience. I have absolutely no doubt that my son will be a happy, loved, employed adult - but at the back of my mind is always the question of "are we making the right choices." It is really hard to balance all the "work" that comes with the territory of CP (physical therapy, OT, medical appointments, etc.) with the "play" part of being a child - and it helps to read stories of grownups on the other side. I recommend this book highly.
Well Done!.......2006-01-04
Fantastic book for those who live with disability and those who don't. Truly a masterful tool in helping the nondisabled understand what it means to live with a disability and know that we are NORMAL people. At a time when most books tell the story of a disabled person for them Mr. Klein has done an excellent job in letting the authors speak for themselves. A must have for parents and families raising children with special needs.
Great advice & full of inspiration.......2005-10-06
The personal essays in this book are incredibly helpful for anyone whose life is touched by a child with a physical or emotional challenge. As a parent of a child with a chronic illness, I found the first-hand advice unique and straightforward. The essays are short and really diverse -- each one of them had a gem that I could apply to my child's situation. This peek into the lives of the authors helps parents create a life that is blessedly ordinary for their kids when life may not feel very ordinary at all. The greatest gift of this book is that most solutions are quite simple -- it's our desire to overcome the disability that prevents us from treating it as another normal part of life. A great read for anyone touched by a child who faces medical challenges.
"Reflections" Is For Everyone.......2004-10-18
"Reflections from a Different Journey" is one of the best books I've ever read. With grace and kindness, the authors selected by John Kemp and Stanley Klein give parents the wisdom they need to understand and nurture children with disabilities.
This isn't just a book for parents--it's a book for everyone.
Buy it for yourself or someone you love.
Chris K. Olander, Executive Director Emeritus, The JM Foundation and Milbank Foundation for Rehabilitation
Book Description
100 Things I Wish I Knew in My Baby's First Year is an easy to read parenting resource that addresses key challenges and questions that new parents will face in their baby's first year. The information included in the book is based on the most frequently expressed concerns of new parents, extensive research, and personal experience. This book is arranged into 100 stand-alone topics. This format makes the book easy to read and lends itself well to time-constrained new parents or parents to be.
Thoroughly researched and endorsed by leading child care experts, this book includes a large amount of information condensed into a short, easy-to-read format; real world advice that is thoroughly researched; with a parent-to-parent perspective that new parents will appreciate
Customer Reviews:
know it all?.......2007-07-29
This book contains a great deal of commense sense information that repeats what you have probably already read in numerous other baby care books. Some of their advice also directly contradicts advice from our pediatrician. The tone of the book comes across as very "know it all" and I found that frustrating and condescending. Their advice is based on their experience as parents of 3 children and as parents, we all know that we all do things differently. Buy with caution, and follow the advice from your pediatrician first and foremost. Most of the rest of the advice in this book you could get by talking with your friends that have kids.
This book made my parenting very difficult.......2007-01-20
I bought this book while I was pregnant. Until I actually had the baby, this book was my favorite out of all, about twenty books, I've purchased because of simple guidelines, easy to read outline of what to do from changing diapers to putting child to sleep, and the schedule factor from day one to one year old. Life would be so wonderful if everything is by the schedule and a baby can follow it. My mistake was to let my husband read it. My baby is now little over three months old and very calm and alert. Of course, he cries when he's tired or hungry or his diaper is soiled like any other babies. My husband, now a firm believer of this book, gets very upset at my little one when he's off the schedule or cries more than this book implies. I also don't believe you ever need to let your baby cry to sleep and I'm still fighting with my husband about this issue. My baby gets very sweaty and his face turns bright red whenever he cries. I can not let him cry like that even for five minutes. He also changes constantly. He first slept through the night at six weeks and now, he wakes up once or twice at night because his nose is plugged or he didn't have good feeding at night. Sometimes he doesn't feel like eating much like us and might want to eat early the next time. This in turn creates a fight between me and my husband that he thinks I feed him all over the place and disrupting his schedule. I wish I never bought this book to begin with.
36 Things that might be good in your baby's first year........2006-04-21
The title of this book should be
"36 Things that might be good in your baby's first year, and 64 things that might not."
The hard part of reading this book is determining which ones are the good things and which ones are not. There are some that are just not good advice and it makes me wonder about all the other ones.
Also, it is important to know where the authors are coming from. Both authors had twins, and one had three babies within 12 months. That is just not standard, and it causes them to recommend things that are not best for parents of a single baby.
I have read about 10 books during this pregnancy and this one was my least favorite so far.
Short, to the point and right on the money.......2006-02-20
Excellent book - it covered important brand-new parenting topics and presented many good ideas that are referenced in many other reputable sources but without unnecessary wordiness. The book is small enough to be read in a few hours by other family members and friends.
Best New Parent Book.......2005-05-19
I ordered five books on a babies first year of life, and this is by far my favorite! In fact, my husband is even willing to read this one. Some of the others are more technical, but this one gets right to the point and makes it enjoyable, not taxing, to read. New parents should definatley get this book.
Book Description
It's an unfortunate reality that many men grow up in churches that suppress their God-given sexual urges. As a result, many Christian men, single and married, are frustrated with their love lives and their sex lives. The authors of this book claim that Christian men should be the greatest lovers in the world and then work to show men how to do it. They help men: learn what the Bible says about a healthy sex life; discover how to relate to women as men instead of as boys; address psychological and spiritual issues that interfere with healthy sexuality; learn specific techniques that create a strong relationship, great foreplay, and passionate sex. Solidly based in Scripture and informed by the experiences of the authors, all respected sex therapists, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Sex dispels the myths that keep good Christian men from experiencing sex as God meant it to be. Perfect for any man, it is also a great book for counselors and pastors who work with men.
Customer Reviews:
Great information and laughs..........2007-08-27
This book provides some very helpful, practical insights to the world of sex and marriage. On top of that, I laughed out loud several times and I appreciate their "get right to the point" writing style. I HIGHLY recommend this book to any married couple no matter how long you've been together.
"Not for Christians Only," .......2007-05-23
It would be a shame if non-Christian readers did not avail themselves of the wisdoms of this little gem. It is psychologically sound and fun to read, enhancing the pursuit of the joys of intimacy that nature has made available to us all.
Highly Recommended for Christian Men........2007-05-09
I've been part of the male Christian culture all my life. When it comes to the subject of sex, I well understand the dark silence that often accompanies that culture. The authors of this book strike back by not just breaking the silence, but by diving right in as though sex is the most natural thing in the world for us to have an open and frank discussion about.
The book gives us everything from an anatomy lesson, to a discussion of techniques, to a look at our own connection with God as it relates to our sexuality. I highly recommend this fresh and fun book that puts sex back out in the open where it belongs. Sex is a gift from God that Christians have often refused to open because of fear, shame or whatever. This book encourages us to tear open the gift and celebrate what's inside.
Straight forward and humorous.......2007-04-13
Honestly, we bought this book because one of the authors is an old friend of ours. But we were amazed, even after 12 years of marriage and good sex, how much our love life could improve. I also bought another copy for a wedding gift - why not start off great? I think this will become a standard wedding gift for our friends this summer. Read and enjoy!
Written by men...for men.......2007-04-06
Imagine a how-to book written by three sex therapists who all happen to be both a) male and b) Christian. Does this shatter your paradigms or merely stretch them?
The authors of What Wives Wish fit both categories--male and Christian--while also serving various counseling, teaching and therapy roles at Fuller Seminary. Writing with an unflinchingly graphic attention to detail, these writers explain how Christian men can satisfy their wives sexually, while fitting sexuality into a balanced, nuanced place within the context of a loving, satisfying, mutually fulfilling relationship.
An excellent pre-marriage read for men, the book brings a relaxed, comfortable style to discussions of highly specific sexual techniques. While doing so, the authors are careful to explore the other dimensions of human relationships: spiritual, emotional and interpersonal. Although sexuality per se is given primary attention, men are encouraged and at times admonished to become more sensitive, more aware, and more patient.
If anything is missing here, it's the female voice or the feminine perspective, yet this is a book written by men and for men. At times it has a "Christian locker room" flavor, with some of the sex talk couched in metaphorical language drawn from Song of Solomon and other Biblical passages. Real-life couples may not be ready to rephrase their sexual language in Scriptural terms, yet they may be surprised to learn that the Bible is excellent source material for graphic, seductive sexual imagery.
The authors are clear in their intention to write for Christian married men, hoping to help Christian marriages achieve better depth and satisfaction in the bedroom. As such, they have written a helpful and useful guide that is worthwhile reading for its target audience of married and soon-to-be married males.
Armchair Interviews says: Unique perspective on marriage.
Book Description
Building a marriage is a lifelong endeavor for both men and women. Most marriage books cover the three C's--communication, compromise, and consideration -- but fail to address many issues critical to a healthy relationship. Family advocate Kay James calls these the "things I wish I had known before I got married": advice on finances, sex, children, and dealing with the extended family. Noting that the apostle Paul exhorted older women not to inspire or counsel younger women, but to teach them how to be wives to their husbands, Kay offers a lifetime's wealth of wisdom for creating an unbreakable marriage relationship.
Customer Reviews:
The Things You Need To Know: Explored & Explained.......2007-08-11
Kay James is a powerful and gifted speaker, an accomplished and productive executive and consultant. In this book she explores the things people tend to learn "after" getting married, that would have been helpful to know "before."
A great book for premarital counseling; a great gift for a bride-to-be or an engaged woman or couple. Practical, realistic, and down-to-earth, the book explores topics like managing money (or the lack of it), raising children, and dealing with difficult relatives --- exactly the kinds of issues that every married couple is likely to face at one time or another.
Intended for women but useful for anyone, this easy-to-read book will help you think through the issues that affect satisfaction in marriage. By considering these things "before" marriage --- you'll be way ahead. Take the time to read this book and then buy several copies for friends.
Dr. David & Lisa Frisbie
The Center for Marriage & Family Studies
Authors of Happily Remarried: *Making Decisions Together *Blending Families Successfully* Building a Love That Will Last
Another book that hits home.......2002-02-15
This book is a good read, but the best book on singleness and marriage that leaves no stone unturned is Michelle Boasten's book, My Heart in His Hands ... a book for the Saved Single Sister who desires to be married, but hasn't been found by her husband.
Focused on a Specific Type of Marriage Relationship.......2002-01-30
This book benefits most those who share the author's core values: Christianity, Chastity before Vows, and Communication. The book is clearly written with examples from her own (and others') life but will not benefit those that believe Sex=Recreational Activity without any other meaning.
While I found it to be a written (and polished) version of Mrs. James' public speaking style, the book assumes you have a likely prospect to review its guidelines with. Once you do, this book is likely to start the type of dialog the author recommends as a core value to your marriage. Too, if you're already married, perhaps this book will assist you in your relationship.
Overall, I found the book to be an easy read that pointed for more details to other (footnoted or listed) resources; this book is an introduction to important concepts, rather than a detailed manual.
Amazon.com
In Grown-Up Marriage, bestselling author Judith Viorst uses her abundant gifts to consider how marriage pulls, cajoles, and commands us to grow up. By viewing marriage "as a problem we have to solve again and again," Viorst offers a fresh view of both the mirages of marriage and how readers can adjust their expectations to create an enduring state of the union. Complacency, warns Viorst, is the bind that unties. "If we imagine that marriage is where we can burp, bitch, snicker and snipe day after day without paying a price, we are wrong." She crafts a smart synthesis of decades of psychological research, case studies, and examples drawn from popular culture. Viorst rounds up the usual suspects--the routines that kill marriage, the outlaw in-laws, the mommy-daddy trap--and the unusual ones, including marital sibling rivalry and why second marriages often fail. Each subject is illuminated with nuanced, mirthful details about creating a mature marriage. Her insights are sometimes diluted with too many expert quotes or her own poetry. Still, her shrewd observations will make this book required reading before your next anniversary. --Barbara Mackoff
Book Description
Although marriage is for grown-ups, very few of us are grown up when we marry. Here, the bestselling author of Suddenly Sixty and Necessary Losses presents her life-affirming perspective on the joys, heartaches, difficulties, and possibilities of a grown-up marriage -- and no, that's not an oxymoron!
Featuring interviews with married women and men, the findings of couples therapists, the truths offered by literature and movies, and a bemused exploration of her own marriage, Judith Viorst illuminates the issues couples struggle with from "I do" through "till death do us part." Examining marital rivalry, marital manners, marital sex (extramarital, too), marital fighting and apologies, what kids do for (and to) marriage, and the boredom and bliss of everyday married life, Viorst leaves no marital stone unturned. From the early years when we wonder "Who is this person?" and "What am I doing here?" to the realities of divorce, remarriage, and growing older (and old) together, Viorst offers insights and advice with honesty, humanity, and humor -- all the while recognizing how tough it is to be married and, when it works, how very precious it can be.
Customer Reviews:
A Marital Must Read .......2005-07-29
This book should be compulsory reading for any couple contemplating marriage. In a sometimes gut-wrenching analysis of modern marriage, Viorst spells out the fallacies of our society's view on marital bliss in a way that will challenge and, on occasion, shock you with its ability to reflect your own romantic relationship.
One of the most provocative chapters is, "The First Shocks of Marriage." This chapter outlines the expectations we bring into marriage and the feelings of betrayal that result when those expectations are invariably, and sometimes brutally, crushed. As a divorced, middle-aged woman with many female friends who maintain a 'revolving door' of romantic relationships, the concept of feeling emotionally betrayed is one that will speak to every woman...and should be understood by every man. Viorst cites the common female viewpoint that "marriage should be nothing less than love, adoration, companionship, physical intimacy, emotional availability, respect, humor and tolerance." And the male viewpoint Viorst cites is one that expects a wife to "respect his need for autonomy and give him plenty of room to do his own thing." Yet, if anything, the reality of marriage teaches us that we often won't get all, or even some, of what we expected.
One lesson every individual who reads this book should learn, and learn, and learn yet once again, is that marriage is work...Work...WORK. This book, like no other I have read, made me question whether I'm up to it. :-) It also made me realize that, when it does work, when both halves of the couple (not either/or) are willing to work diligently at keeping the dream alive, the reward is priceless.
Great book........2005-06-27
I've been married one year, have just read this book and I loved it. The book promotes standing by your partner. My parents were divorced, and according to this book it puts me at a greater risk of getting divorced. With that in mind, I'll work as hard as I can on taking good care of my marriage.
May have saved my marriage!.......2004-07-10
This is a terrific book for anyone at any stage in marriage - I read it as I was on the brink of divorce, I read most of it and had suggested to my husband that he read a chapter of it. Things have turned around and we are on the road to repair and re-comittment it seems, this book may have saved us.
Judith has wit and charm and sensibility combined to talk about various aspects of marriage, about everyday marriage - and how to improve it, about how various factors can affect marriage at various stages. Thumbs, fingers and toes are all up for Judiths book!
Wow! Insightful book on married life.......2003-12-16
Judith Viorst has articulated some profound insights on married life- why do we choose to get married, why do marriages fail, why do we stay married. She addresses some of the problems marriages today face- infidelity, "sibling rivalry", yet the book is a surprisingly uplifting celebration of married life and the value of sticking it out through the tough times.
Terrific insights into relationships.......2003-04-06
I wish this book had been written a year ago when my own "starter marriage" was falling apart. There were so many instances in the book where I could point to a passage and say, "Yep! That's us." "That's totally what happened to us too!" etc. It might have saved my marriage. But I'm glad to have read this book later rather than never. With an impressive understanding of human nature, Viorst touches upon the many delicate interrelational factors that causes strain in people's marriages as well as second (and third) marriages, and why seemingly happy couples divorce while destructive, unhappy couples stay together. This is a worthwhile, mandatory read for every couple who plans to get married or is already married or might be thinking of divorce. Do your loved ones a favor and give this book to a future bride or bridegroom as a wedding gift. It's one of the best relationship tune-ups you'll read.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent for parenting toddlers!.......2004-03-02
I found this book to be exceptional - its an easy read, and provides strategies for disciplining children in a way that lets them feel as if have some degree of control. I like that it emphasizes respecting your child, and eliminates the need to yell, rely on time outs, etc. I've been practicing a few of the techniques (and it does take practice!) and have already seen a positive response.
If you only read one parenting book, read this one!.......2000-09-09
I first read this book long before becoming pregnant, and again now that I am the mother of an almost two year old. I thought it was the best parenting book around both times. The basic premises of respect for our children and consistency in our actions are very sound principles of postitive parenting. The book is easy to read, filled with practical examples and much appreciated honesty from the author about her own successes and failures in parenting. I am buying a copy this year for all my friends who struggle, as we all do, to be the best parents we can be.
Learn how to not say NO.......2000-05-22
Excellent book to learn how to communicate with your child without resorting to the standard "NO". If you are really trying to teach our child something but the only words that come to mind are "NO" and "Don't", this book is a must.
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