Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap
Average customer rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • Great until the last chapter
  • Emotional Unavailability
  • Oversimplifies so much that it is a cartoon
  • A great guide to emotional freedom
  • Fantasic Book!
Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap
Bryn C. Collins
Manufacturer: McGraw-Hill
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0809229145

Book Description

An inspiring, solution-oriented guide, Emotional Unavailability takes an upbeat look at why people form painful and unfulfilling associations and empowers them to find authentic emotional connections. Through real-life examples, quizzes, and an easy-to-understand text, readers learn how to identify the 10 types of emotionally unavailable people to avoid and put themselves on the road to a truly satisfying relationship.

Customer Reviews:

4 out of 5 stars Great until the last chapter.......2007-09-16

This is a great book, and I wish the author would update it based on more recent research. I think all of us can find ourselves in this book in part.

But in chapter 17, where the author says the emotionally unavailable partner drifts through relationships, & when they get too uncomfortable, they leave, he's not up on current research, and also contradicts himself. Think about it: If the point of players, blamers, & fixers are to control the relationship, why would they leave? It works for them!! They have all the power. It is the person who attempts to work with, cooperate, and "goes along to get along" with the emotionally unavailable person that finally comes to their senses, realizes they can not "fix" the unavailable person, and then leaves. At which the unavailable person becomes hugely distraut that the leaver is the one with the problems: "Your father had a mid-life crises, and abandoned the family!!" "No mom, he abandoned you, not me, when you blamed him." Or if someone is the victim of the "fixer" they withdraw quietly, and stop telling them what's going on their lives. Fixers & Blamers do not "drift", they are actively over-involved in their relationships. My suspicion is that the author at some time was left or abandoned in a relationship. I'm guessing he's a blamer, or since he does seem altuistic, a fixer.

Great books to read on this are Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships and Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life, Revised Edition.

If you want to help others, and are a fixer, then a good read is I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better.

For the reviewer who's partner rated himself as "glad" but rejects her from the party, that's a player. Wonderful charming, too busy for her but needs plenty of breathing space. Emotionally connects by arguments. Feels drowned by "needy" people. This is not emotional unavailability as much as a personality type (SPs on Myers Briggs) who can't ask for the autonomy & breathing space they need. Books to read are True Loves: Finding the Soul in Relationships (out of print? Read about the Mercurial Lover) and Survival Games Personalities Play - Check out the game "Blackmail" or "Uproar."

5 out of 5 stars Emotional Unavailability.......2007-09-14

Reading this book has given me a better picture of emotional unavailability. Anyone who suspects they may be living with an emotionally unavailabile individual should most definitely read this book. It is a great stepping-stone to further understanding and therapy, if necessary. The author lives and practices therapy in Burnsville, Minnesota.

2 out of 5 stars Oversimplifies so much that it is a cartoon .......2007-09-03

I bought this and related immediately to the intro, where the author describes an unavailable lover as one who invites you to a great party and then over and over refuses to let you in (you can hear the laughter and music behind him) because there is something you have done wrong (your clothes, the time, the food you brought). I thought the book was going to be great. Then I started reading the descriptions of "types" and found them to be too much of a cartoon to find a match for my partner, who rejects me from the party over and over. I know he is not emotionally available but these descriptions are too simplistic. There is also at least one quiz to help you find your "personality type" - "Mad", "Sad", "Glad", and "Fearful". My partner, who acknowledges having an anger/rage problem and is undergoing treatment for this, proudly told me that he fit the "Glad" category. I looked at the quiz and saw why - the questions were geared towards people have really over the top reactions to everyday occurrences. (When caught in traffic do you (a) turn on the radio or (b) honk the horn non-stop and scream?) (OK not a direct quote because I threw the book away, but pretty close). (By the way I am very anxious and I scored as "Glad" also. I'm anxious, not stupid.) I have a lot of knowledge about personality disorders etc., and maybe that is why this book was so useless to me. I didn't read the whole thing, maybe there are some helpful parts.

5 out of 5 stars A great guide to emotional freedom.......2007-03-08

Being a person who has forged ahead with personal growth now for more than ten years, I am always pleased and inspired to find a book that helps further my understanding and development. Emotional Unavailability is written so well that it has helped clarify quite well my understanding of what Emotional Unavailability really means.

It has helped me identify areas where I am still emotionaly unavailable, and helped me understand more fully why I am drawn to emotionaly unavailable people.

Many Thanks Bryn!!

James

5 out of 5 stars Fantasic Book!.......2007-02-21

This is one of best written, thoughtful, thorough and entertaining books I have read on this subject. It gives great tools for self analysis, analysis of others, and guidelines for positive communication and change in relationships.
The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap
Average customer rating: 4 out of 5 stars
  • A bit biased
  • Life was never perfect in any era
  • What you think you know may be wrong
  • Suberb and important work- Gets a grip on the reality of the American Family
  • Some interesting tidbits, but not worth the time to read fully
The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap
Stephanie Coontz
Manufacturer: Basic Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0465090974

Amazon.com

Did you ever wonder about the historical accuracy of those "traditional family values" touted in the heated arguments that insist our cultural ills can be remedied by their return? Of course, myth is rooted in fact, and certain phenomena of the 1950s generated the Ozzie and Harriet icon. The decade proved profamily--the birthrate rose dramatically; social problems that nag--gangs, drugs, violence--weren't even on the horizon. Affluence had become almost a right; the middle class was growing. "In fact," writes Coontz, "the 'traditional' family of the 1950s was a qualitatively new phenomenon. At the end of the 1940s, all the trends characterizing the rest of the twentieth century suddenly reversed themselves." This clear-eyed, bracing, and exhaustively researched study of American families and the nostalgia trap proves--beyond the shadow of a doubt--that Leave It to Beaver was not a documentary.

Gender, too, is always on Coontz's mind. In the third chapter ("My Mother Was a Saint"), she offers an analysis of the contradictions and chasms inherent in the "traditional" division of labor. She reveals, next, how rarely the family exhibited economic and emotional self-reliance, suggesting that the shift from community to nuclear family was not healthy. Coontz combines a clear prose style with bold assertions, backed up by an astonishing fleet of researched, myth-skewing facts. The 88 pages of endnotes dramatize both her commitment to and deep knowledge of the subject. Brilliant, beautifully organized, iconoclastic, and (relentlessly) informative The Way We Never Were breathes fresh air into a too often suffocatingly "hot" and agenda-sullied subject. In the penultimate chapter, for example, a crisp reframing of the myth of black-family collapse leads to a reinterpretation of the "family crisis" in general, putting it in the larger context of social, economic, and political ills.

The book began in response to the urgent questions about the family crisis posed her by nonacademic audiences. Attempting neither to defend "tradition" in the era of family collapse, nor to liberate society from its constraints, Coontz instead cuts through the kind of sentimental, ahistorical thinking that has created unrealistic expectations of the ideal family. "I show how these myths distort the diverse experiences of other groups in America," Coontz writes, "and argue that they don't even describe most white, middle-class families accurately." The bold truth of history after all is that "there is no one family form that has ever protected people from poverty or social disruption, and no traditional arrangement that provides a workable model for how we might organize family relations in the modern world."

Some of America's most precious myths are not only precarious, but down right perverted, and we would be fools to ignore Stephanie Coontz's clarion call. --Hollis Giammatteo

Customer Reviews:

3 out of 5 stars A bit biased.......2007-07-03

I have just finished reading this book. Throughout the entire reading, I often felt that the author was taking her point too far to the left. And I'm a liberal democrat! I believe 100% in the rights of women to work... but I also believe that same right applies to those who wish to stay at home with their children.

The author seems to downplay the importance, and the value, in staying home with children. While she is correct in the assertion that our nostalgia for bygone days clouds our vision of the truth, there is something to be said for taking responsibility.

In the author's call for more social action and responsibility, there seems an underlying hint that the problems in the American family come from without rather than within. I disagree with this completely and think that we should stop blaming the media, the schools, our neighbors, the government, and our children's social group for the ills within our own homes. While it is an honorable endeavor, helping society clean up it's act, we must first start in the home. We must first start with ourselves, and with our children, before we can have any hope of helping someone else.

Overall a good read, but this author is a product of her generation and her writing should be viewed as such.

34
Liberal
Military Spouse
Homeschooling Mom

5 out of 5 stars Life was never perfect in any era.......2007-03-20

The tendency of people to look back on their past and see only the good and not the bad is all too evident in the agendas of conservatives and so-called advocates of so-called traditional families.

Those of us who lived through the perfect era when dads worked, moms vaccuumed in pearls and kids have perfect lives behind white picket fences remember it far differently.

We remember when domestic violence was considered a "private family matter" and battered women had no escape except a casket. We remember the days before Rape Crisis Centers, and when the law required the victim to first prove herself innocent at her accuser's trial. We remember women who gritted their teeth and stayed in bad marriages until their children were grown because they knew they'd have no property rights in the divorce. We remember the days before Title 9, when the boys got the gym and the girls got the cafeteria. We remember the girls who were sent away for the summer to an aunt, a euphemism for an unwed mother's home. (Check out Ms. Fessler's "The Girls Who Went Away" for more on this) and the women who could only quit their jobs while their sexual harasser was free to move on to his next victim.

There was no perfect era, there was no perfect home, there was no perfect family. Time we realized it, and stopped looking for an easy fix to real problems.

4 out of 5 stars What you think you know may be wrong.......2006-08-17

This book provides exhaustively documented evidence that our cultural myths, such as the idealized nuclear family of the 50's, were not typical of American history after all, and that some of today's problems are not new. It's slow going for most readers (unless you majored in sociology). It made me look again at my own memories of earlier times of my life. The end notes would be helpful to scholars in American history, sociology or even social work.

5 out of 5 stars Suberb and important work- Gets a grip on the reality of the American Family.......2006-02-25

Coonz dissects piece by piece the ideal of the "normal" family and lifestyle that neoconservatives frequently point to, as a solution to society's ills. Coonz's research is meticulous, and this book is a potent antidote to the fallacy that too often guides policy making in Washington and statehouses across the nation. i.e. that only the reestablishment of the "normal" traditional nuclear family is the path to our salvation. A+

1 out of 5 stars Some interesting tidbits, but not worth the time to read fully.......2006-02-15

The first thing I did when I got this book was to look up what the author had to say about the Moynihan Report (thinking that based on the subject of the book the author would have many interesting criticisms). Alas, all that existed was a few sentence dismissal. After that I couldn't take the book very seriously and just jumped around to various things that I found interesting. Some things were interesting, others were foolish.
Parenting Today's Adolescent Helping Your Child Avoid The Traps Of The Preteen And Teen Years
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • Full of Wit and Wisdom for Parents of Teens
  • A must have book for every parent!
  • Great book...
  • Indispensible Resource
  • BUY THIS BOOK!!!
Parenting Today's Adolescent Helping Your Child Avoid The Traps Of The Preteen And Teen Years
Dennis Rainey , Barbara Rainey , and Bruce Nygren
Manufacturer: Thomas Nelson
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

GeneralGeneral | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
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ASIN: 0785265104

Book Description

Normally confident moms and dads grow weak-kneed when their children enter--gasp!--puberty. Barbara and Dennis Rainey, parents of six teenage or older children, map out the unfamiliar, demanding landscape of both pre-adolescence (ages 10-12), as well as the teen years that follow. "Preadolescence is when convictions are shaped; adolescence is when convictions are tested," they advise parents. In Parenting Today's Adolescent the Raineys help children and parents build a satisfying relationship while forging a vision for a productive, God-honoring life-before, during, and after adolescence.

Customer Reviews:

4 out of 5 stars Full of Wit and Wisdom for Parents of Teens.......2007-09-23

Dennis and Barbara Rainey are as engaging in the book "Parenting Today's Adolescent" as they are in person. The unforgettable Lessons, Charts and Conviction Building Plans are great tools for parents who are slightly challenged or just clueless on how to approach their teens with some tough topics. The book identifies various traps such as peer pressure, sex, dating, attitude, media, unresolved anger, appearance, false Gods and more. If you have ever heard Dennis Rainey on the radio or at a Family Life Conference then you know that he can tell a captivating story. This book is a wonderful what to do and how to do it guide for parents. I love the writing style and how they capture so much information in every chapter. This book is a great resource for parents of children any age.Biblical Perspectives on Tough Issues: Counseling in African-American CommunitiesHe is NOT Left Behind... He is With Me!

5 out of 5 stars A must have book for every parent!.......2007-08-11

I am halfway through this book and have found it to be filled with great advice in helping me raise my five children. They aren't quite yet in the preadolescent age, but soon and I am preparing. This book is based on Christian values and refer to a lot of scriptures. Even if your family isn't Christian or really religious in your everyday living, this book will still make sense and give you some encouragement that you can make it through the teenage years with success. Sticking to convictions you set with yourself, your children can work.

5 out of 5 stars Great book..........2007-01-25

I was really concerned about how to deal with a lot of issues with our daughter and purchased this book and even though I have only read about 1/3 of the book it is GREAT! I like the way it is written, the scenarios and suggestions are down to earth and real and I intend to use the methods presented in the book when I am faced with adolescent challenges.

I love purchasing from Amazon it was very simple and straight-forward and the book quality was great!

5 out of 5 stars Indispensible Resource.......2006-02-25

If ANYONE ever felt the need for a parenting "How-To", this is it!! Not for the faint of heart though - as it pulls no punches and advocates a tell-all approach to upcoming obstacles and pitfalls in a teen's life vs. leaving up to chance or peer-information or just plain ignorance. Taboo topics such as masturbation are addressed with exact advice and timing suggested. The philosophy is "Don't leave anything to chance - inform your child BEFORE it happens while encouraging serious brainstorming and promoting action plans to head off destructive events that are ultimately inevitable." Another issue addressed is virginity and the distinction between being a virgin and actually being PURE. Empowerment is key - for the child as well as the parent - in the face of a permissive society which shapes our children's perceptions of values and morals. Of course, the foundation of this book is the ultimate Rule Book of all things in life - the HOLY BIBLE. But even non-Christians who want a guide on how to teach good morals and values to their teen who is trying to make sense of: 1)where they belong and 2)what they should do in this crazy world will find this book to be a true treasure. I have recommended to it countless parents and am thankful I didn't find it too late...

5 out of 5 stars BUY THIS BOOK!!!.......2003-09-16

If you have kids and care at all about what challenges may come to them in the teen years, you need this book! It is THE most helpful book I have read on child-rearing. It really opens your eyes to what is out there, what your children need, and what you need to do. Thank God for this book! And thank you Dennis and Barbara!
The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke
Average customer rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
  • Tax Ignorance
  • Good data, limited analysis
  • Explains with clarity, without blame
  • Stretching Too Far For The American Dream
  • Insightful in some respects, off-base in others
The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke
Elizabeth Warren , and Amelia Warren Tyagi
Manufacturer: Basic Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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  5. Strapped: Why America's 20- and 30-Somethings Can't Get Ahead Strapped: Why America's 20- and 30-Somethings Can't Get Ahead

ASIN: 0465090907
Release Date: 2004-08-17

Book Description

In this revolutionary exposŽ, Harvard Law School bankruptcy expert Elizabeth Warren and financial consultant Amelia Tyagi show that today's middle-class parents are increasingly trapped by financial meltdowns. Astonishingly, sending mothers to work has made families more vulnerable to financial disaster than ever before. Today's two-income family earns 75% more money than its single-income counterpart of a generation ago, but has 25% less discretionary income to cover living costs. This is "the rare financial book that sidesteps accusations of individual wastefulness to focus on institutional changes," raved the Boston Globe. Warren and Tyagi reveal how the ferocious bidding war for housing and education has silently engulfed America's suburbs, driving up the cost of keeping families in the middle class. The authors show why the usual remedies-child-support enforcement, subsidized daycare, and higher salaries for women-won't solve the problem. But as the Wall Street Journal observed, "The book is brimming with proposed solutions to the nail-biting anxiety that the middle class finds itself in." From Senator Edward M. Kennedy to Dr. Phil to Bill Moyers, The Two-Income Trap has created a sensation among economists, politicians, and families-all those who care about America's middle-class crisis.

Customer Reviews:

1 out of 5 stars Tax Ignorance.......2007-08-17

The authors lack of understanding of how federal income taxes are calculated makes all their arguments and assertions suspect. For example, they clearly do not understand the difference between marginal and average tax rates.

3 out of 5 stars Good data, limited analysis.......2007-04-01

This book provides many interesting statistics on financial troubles among U.S. households. That said, I didn't necessarily agree with the authors interpretation of peoples financial problems. These authors put nearly all the blame of financil disaster on the society at large, not the individual consumer. It's the banks, gov't, big-box stores, schools, healthcare,... Although I believe all of these are a part of the puzzle, the foundation rests on a citizen (consumer) being suckered in to believing he "needs" a new car ever 5 years, a $300,000 house in the suburbs in a "safe" neighborhood, and prescription insurance for every drug that's on television.
If you do read this book, follow it with "Your Money or Your Life" by Dominguez. Perhaps the best book ever written on individual financial responsibility.

5 out of 5 stars Explains with clarity, without blame.......2007-02-24

In this book, I found an explanation to a question I've often considered: when two-income families of today are raking in more money than our parents' generation, why don't we have the bank accounts to prove it? The over-consumption theories never did make sense to me, since the middle income people I know shop at Walmart, drive old cars, and still worry about the bills. The culprit, to a great extent, is housing, the book theorizes. Americans have used the additional income to create a bidding war for homes in decent school districts in the suburbs, and the authors have the statistics to prove it. Even if I can't control some recommended solutions like implementing a limited school voucher program, there were about 20 pages of tips for the individual consumer. Besides, just understanding the mechanics of the family economy has given me plenty of food for thought. And if you are looking for a step-by-step guide about gaining control of your home finances, try Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.

5 out of 5 stars Stretching Too Far For The American Dream.......2006-10-27

I believe one insightful portion of the dedication to this book sums up its thesis best:

"..dedicated to all parents who wake up with hearts thudding over the possibility that buying school shoes and Girl Scout uniforms will mean that there won't be enough left over to pay the mortgage... They travel anonymously among us, but we know them. They went to college, had kids, bought a home, played by the rules- and lost."

This is not the first time that Elizabeth Warren has sounded the alarm about stable, hard-working people going under in droves. Indeed, the contents of this book are actually a graphic, terrifying distillation of two previous books written by Prof. Warren (in collaboration with Teresa Sullivan and Jay Lawrence Westbrook) chronicling the rapidly evolving disaster of consumer bankruptcy in America. The first book, As We Forgive Our Debtors, was an outgrowth of the US Consumer Bankruptcy Project, and looked at all of the key players in consumer bankruptcy, focusing in particular on bankrupt debtors and their creditors; it was very academic in nature, which may have explained its tepid reception in the marketplace (however, I suspect the very incendiary comments and conclusions all throughout the book rankled quite a few feathers in the banking industry, and may well be the real reason the text was conspicuously ignored). The second book, The Fragile Middle Class, focused exclusively on bankrupt debtors, and looked closely at the fallout associated with consumer bankruptcy for several reference groups; it was less academic and more activist in tone, and actually preceded The Two Income Trap in sounding the alarm about US consumer bankruptcy.

The Two-Income Trap also sounds the alarm, and zeroes in on the reference group everyone would readily say is most likely NOT to go bankrupt: two-income, solidly middle-class mothers and fathers with kids and a home in the burbs. This book, much like the ones before it, dispells the prevailing myths that the bankrupt are ignorant, low-income deadbeats, unrepentant spendthrifts who take advantage of a far-too-lenient system with giddy glee, and have no control over their impulses. Instead, each book has demonstrated that the bankrupt have to have a fairly high degree of financial savvy to even consider bankruptcy, that the majority of the bankrupt are solidly middle class, that most got in over their head in a situation far beyond their control, and all are profoundly embarassed by their bankruptcy, which all of them see not only as a financial failure, but also a personal one, as well.

Yet, it is also clear to me that the spirit of activism, which was subdued in As We Forgive Our Debtors and quite forceful in The Fragile Middle Class, is not only alive and well in this book, but also very loud, and very clear; indeed, the activist tenor is quite torrential in this narrative. The authors, both women, clearly have written a book to discuss the plight of a particular reference group: middle class women, be they married, single or divorced, with children. This reference group has quickly become the single biggest cohort represented in the bankruptcy rolls. In the book, the authors go so far as to imply that women's liberation has resulted in more than a few of their sisters ending up in the poorhouse.

Having previously read Lionel Tiger's The Decline of Males, and Warren Farrell's insightful books, Why Men Are The Way They Are and The Myth of Male Power, I found the contents of this book (and the authors' aforementioned implication) most interesting. I submit that equality of the sexes has finally been achieved, albeit in a most peculiar and unorthodox way- via financial insecurity, as nowadays it apparently knows no gender difference. Though my intention is to be partially humorous, I realize that more than a few will take offense at such a comment, but my main thrust is this: what we see before us is all part of a larger plan to reinstate the New And Improved Feudalism upon the masses. Call me crazy if you like, but before you pass judgment, I strongly suggest that the intelligent, thinking individual read Robert Manning's Credit Card Nation for more insight into my claim.

For many, the pursuit of the American Dream (which many would say was a cute little myth in any event) has devolved from an honest chance at a guaranteed title shot, to little more than a gamble with one's finances resembling Russian Roullette with an interesting twist: instead of one chamber holding a live round, five chambers have live rounds. Lose a job, miss a payment, and you can kiss your house and your middle class existence goodbye.

Frankly, this game's too rich for my blood, and I think I will pass...

3 out of 5 stars Insightful in some respects, off-base in others.......2006-10-15

I thought that the book had some interesting things to offer, like their information on the dramatic increase in housing costs, as it relates to public education. They also note that people aren't spending as much on "extras" as we tend to think, but rather, that families are spending more on housing and cars and such. However, the book also seems to make excuses for poor or lacking financial planning. Upon the birth of one baby, a couple suddenly "needs" a large car with four doors because the baby might eventually have a sibling? Wouldn't it make more financial sense to wait on purchasing the more expensive car if one does not currently have a need for it?
And while families may be spending the bulk of their money on the acceptable purchase of a house instead of designer handbags, the fact remains that each family tends to buy the most expensive house that their current income can afford, leaving little to no room to account for emergencies.
The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap
Average customer rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • Its Easy Yet It's Tough
  • overscheduled author
  • Great topic, but not too well executed
  • WOW!
  • Do it for Your Children
The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap
Alvin Rosenfeld , and Nicole Wise
Manufacturer: St. Martin's Griffin
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0312263392

Amazon.com

If you've just sat down after a day that included taking your very intelligent child to a Kumon math tutoring session, shuttling another to soccer practice and piano lessons, supervising the homework of both to make sure it's perfect, and making a midnight trip to the grocery store to pick up the organic grapes for tomorrow's nutritionally balanced lunches, then Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? is for you. According to authors Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., and Nicole Wise, there's a lot of this kind of hyper-parenting going on out there. This parenting style can be loosely defined as one that attempts to control everything in a child's environment with the aim of achieving a perfect outcome. It's not realistic or healthy, say the authors. Chapter by chapter, examining everything from parents' reliance on "expert" opinions to the huge impact of media messages on parent behavior, Rosenfeld and Wise make a compelling argument for their premise. They encourage parents to turn the lens inward and ask themselves what messages they are sending--not with their words, but with their behavior. Hyper-Parenting is a book for parents at every stage in the parenting game. It's never too late, or too early, to try to tune out some of the noisy clamor around us and thoughtfully reflect on our values and what we really want for our children. --Virginia Smyth

Book Description

"An excellent book which should be read by every thinking parent. We don't have to over-schedule our children to help them succeed. Ironically, they are probably better off if we don't."--The Times of LondonDo you find yourself asking "Whose life is it anyway?" Parenting today has come to resemble a relentless To-do list.Even parents with the best intentions strive to micro-manage every detail of their kids' lives and live in constant fear that their child will under-perform in any area - academic, social, athletic.Lists and schedules, meetings and appointments invade every moment - and the need to be the best is a philosophy dominating - and undermining - our own sense of self as well as our children's.In this groundbreaking new book, renowned child psychiatrist Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., and longtime family-issues journalist Nicole Wise combine personal and professional experience to take action against what they see as our overeager pursuit of perfection... The fact is, parenting should not consume very last bit of our time, money and energy.It's not good for us as parents, and it's potentially dangerous for our children. The clear, comforting steps they prescribe to attack this rampant phenomenon will promote healthier and happier children, and revitalize the parenting experienceAUTHORBIO: Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a graduate of Cornell and Harvard Medical School,has taught at Harvard and Columbia, and has headed the child psychiatry training program at Stanford. Currently, he divides his time between private practices in New York City and Greenwich, Connecticut. Dr. Rosenfeld has written four books and over 70 articles on issues including child abuse, foster care and psychotherapy. He lives with his pediatrician wife and three children in Stamford, Connecticut.Nicole Wise is an award-winning freelance journalist who has written about family life for more than a decade. Her work has been featured in a wide range of national and international publications, including Parents, The New York Times, Redbook and Cosmopolitan. Wise also lives in Stamford with her family.A researcher and professor of psychiatry at Harvard, Pulitzer Prize-winner Robert Coles, M.D. has written numerous books and articles on the intellectual and spiritual lives of children.

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars Its Easy Yet It's Tough.......2003-11-06

An excellent book for parents who have the time to slow down and seriously reflect life purposes before LIFE is living us instead of vice versa.

The information contained in this book is enlightening and true, but many parents just do not have the wisdom to get the truth internalised. Outside presure is strong and internal strength is weak in most parents. How to stay in mud and yet be clean? How to live in this chaotic world when the false sounds like truth and the truth looks like false and be able to make a distinction between them?

I thoroughly enjoy this book. It is one of the best parenting books that I've read so far. Children should be a source of joy and not a fountain of burden. Show them the way how we live a dog's life and they will duplicate it when they grow up. Show them the way we can live happily by being connected and contented and they will rub this wisdom and practise the same when they enter adulthood. It seems so simple but so few parents can exercise this simple wisdom.

Happy Parenting. God Blessed!

3 out of 5 stars overscheduled author.......2002-09-05

While reading the book, one may get the feeling that the author may have been over scheduled. There are a few chapters that tell us to do just the opposite of what he just said in a previous one. The book is pretty good with ideas we all know but may need to be reminded of. It's a pretty good read especially if you do not get too caught up in the areas that seem to fall into Hyper Parenting and then find out what you thought he was talking about turns out to be not what he said in the first place. I agree with another reviewer, it's confusing in a couple of spots. It's not much different from other books on similar subjects. I like the guy and have heard him speak. I blame any discrepancies within the book on the editors. It amazes me how some books can cover the same thing over and over and still get 5 stars or as much publicity as they do. In the real world, within any family who have children in various activities, there's a couple of other books that cover similar behaviors and challenges that would be of further benefit, one of those being Mommy-CEO, Revised Edition, by family/parenting expert and syndicated columnist, of Parent to Parent, Jodie Lynn, and The Successful Child, by William Sears. Both books point blank tell parents how to help kids turn out well and to still take out time for ourselves but do not give conflicting advice about doing it. I am a fan of almost all of the Sears' books and find useful information in Lynn's books and columns. My suggestion is that some point in time The Over-Scheduled Child may need a small overhaul with maybe a different editor but same author.

2 out of 5 stars Great topic, but not too well executed.......2002-06-30

Hyper-Parenting possesses the best of intentions, and is not lacking in insight and even, in places, eloquence. But the overall message is confusing and disjointed, and I was left unsatisfied in the end.

One big problem is that what "hyper-parenting" means precisely is never truly established. One chapter criticizes the perfectly natural tendency to cherish a child in the womb. Another chapter discusses stressed children being pressured to ???excel??? in status-laden endeavors. Are both these totally different situations "hyper-parenting?" In one spot we are rightfully reminded that "the important and meaningful connections [with our kids]defy scheduling." But in another place, we are apparently encouraged to schedule yet more time away from the kids "for the things we want to do." Why, so we can be sure to miss those important and meaningful connections? Can the reader be blamed for feeling a little confused?

The authors seem to assume that families are frazzled mostly because parents just take too much time doing things for the kids. Potential stress-builders, according to the book, include not only individualistic activities like music lessons and sports, but also family-building activities like nightly dinner at home. Unstructured family time is praised, but the book's assumption seems to be that this time will be suddenly abundant if we just quit karate. The possibility that Mom and Dad each take 50+ hours a week to work, and that this might be a big contributing factor, basically goes unaddressed. Such a one-sided view of the busyness problems suffered many families is not likely to be very helpful in the real world.

The book is plagued in several spots by poor philosophy. The authors talk sincerely of ethics, but then take an entire chapter decrying excessive "self-sacrifice" and "martyrdom". But the problems the book describes are based mostly on status seeking or an inadequate understanding of family life. The differences between these poor choices and authentic self-giving are not considered. The last chapter treats us to a relativistic essay about how we each need to figure out the fundamental questions of life based on "feelings." So objective reality has nothing to do with the fundamental questions of life? Was this shallow pop philosophy really necessary?

Fundamentally, this book doesn't succeed as well as it could because it combines too many topics under one umbrella without doing a sufficient job of defining terms, making distinctions and just thinking things through. What could have been a fine book ends up inconsistent and somewhat rambling. It needs to be re-written.

5 out of 5 stars WOW!.......2001-08-06

I read this fantastic book while wearing many hats: parent of two, grandparent of six, teacher of 42 years, and currently an author of "Why Our Kids Aren't Learning the Basics." Dr. Rosenfeld (and associates) said exactly what I have been saying (only more succinctly) for the past fifteen years. His advice to parents is right on the money! If parents will heed what he suggests, they will find the word "boredom" eliminated from their child's dialogue. The "bored" child is the one who has never had the opportunity to plan his own day because it has already been scheduled for him! Thank you Dr. Rosenfeld and assoc. for a wonderful blueprint!

5 out of 5 stars Do it for Your Children.......2001-06-28

This book had to be written! It needs to be read by every parent battling the loss of leisure. Setting limits defies the seeming perfect parent syndrom we have adopted. For those of us who have let the rat race control too much of our lives, it's not too late for change. Do you ever have one of those days when you just have to get away from it all, but can't because that unrelenting calendar is demanding every minute of your day? Do you have time to smell the roses, sit and enjoy your child chasing a butterfly, or find a quite romantic moment to spend alone with your spouse - talking about anything but the kids and who has to be where when? If the answer is no to any of these questions, this book is for you. If you have ever been seriously ill, as I have, you realize that it's the little things: the family time, the unscheduled time, the laughs and talks, that, above all else, create an atmospher our children can thrive in. Dr. Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise bring it all into focus, and make us realize that by "doing it all" and "being it all", we are not helping our family, we are breaking down the fabrics that holds the best part of it together. This book must be read by every parent with a busy lifestyle. It's refreshing to know that we can stop hyper-parenting and start learning again to have spontaneity, relaxation and a place we can truly feel at home.
How to Avoid the Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making It Work (Capital Ideas)
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • Off-putting Title; Fabulous Book
  • I wish I'd found this book 6 years ago!
  • A wonderful book
  • A must read for all parents and potential parents!
  • WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE WRITE THIS SOONER!!!
How to Avoid the Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making It Work (Capital Ideas)
Julie Shields
Manufacturer: Capital Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 1892123886

Book Description

Typically, when a woman gets pregnant, she considers whether to give up or cut back on her career, or surrender her child to daycare or a nanny. Now families have other alternatives. Fathers can stay home, work flexibly, go part-time, or help out so stay-at-home-mothers enjoy personal fulfillment too. Prepared women can choose the lives they want by following the common sense prescriptions in "How to Avoid the Mommy Trap." Julie Shields interviewed marital counselors, childcare workers, negotiation experts, employers, child development experts, and parents to find out how to create a family balance. How to Avoid the Mommy Trap emphasizes real-life solutions and strategies, and highlights common missteps. Weaving research and anecdote together, Julie Shields demonstrates the value and efficacy of a new parenting paradigm - sharing. This sensible primer is for every parent thinking about having children but wondering if and how to balance work, parenthood, and life.

Author Events

August 15, 2003 - WCUB Breakfast Club, 10 a.m.

August 26, 2003 - WFHR Radio, 10 a.m.

August 27, 2003 - WBKC, 8:30a.m.

August 29, 2003 - KLPW Radio, 12:10 p.m.

September 12, 2003 into September 13, 2003 - WBZ Radio, 1 a.m.

September 13, 2003 - WFAS "Here’s to Your Good Health," 11 a.m.

September 27, 2003 - KTKK Interviews & Interactions with Linda Strasberg, 5:30 p.m.

October 29, 2003 - Speaking Engagement at the 92nd Street Y in New York City

November 1, 2003 - WFHG 92.7 FM / WXBQ "The Barbara McFaddin Show," 10am

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars Off-putting Title; Fabulous Book.......2006-03-23

Shields is a parental leave activist, but she's got a lot of suggestions on what new parents can do until then. She addresses some of the reasons women gatekeep on domestic stuff and childcare, and how to stop doing that. She proposes two part time jobs and a limited amount of child care as a strategy for caring for small children in a way that includes both parents while still allowing them time to work (about thirty hours a week) and nurture their relationship. While primarily addressed at heterosexual relationships, she includes numerous examples from same-sex couples.

Great stuff, especially about negotiation, for peer marriages/marriages where both adults work for pay. Not so great for other situations. Also take a look at Coleman's _The Lazy Husband_ (another book in search of a better title).

5 out of 5 stars I wish I'd found this book 6 years ago!.......2005-08-06

Julie Shields' excellent book "How to Avoid the Mommy Trap" provides a thorough exploration of strategies to help women and men share parenting responsibilities in a way that benefits everybody in the family.

"How to Avoid the Mommy Trap" illuminates the status quo and the calcified gender roles that many couples default to once they become parents. Shields belives that family life doesn't have to unfold that way, and she encourages couples to look beyond the standard choices of nanny, day care, or mother at home. Shields says 'The term Mommy Trap does not refer to giving birth and then having a child to take care of, or give up something for your child....More than anything else, the Mommy Trap describes a failure to understand the wide range of options available to modern parents.' She gives many examples of what it looks like to be caught in the Mommy Trap, including:

'The Mommy Trap snares a mother when she takes on parenting or household responsibilities that result in more unpaid work, and less leisure time and personal time, than she would like, particularly in comparison with her husband.'

Sound familiar? Do you feel like you couldn't even ask to expect things to be different without feeling selfish or guilty? Get this book! It is a primer that illuminates what marriage and parenting could look like if we stuck up for ourselves, let go of controlling the way our husbands parent, and worked to create truly equitable partnerships.

5 out of 5 stars A wonderful book.......2002-09-27

I read this book in one sitting, and when I was done I found myself going back through it again in order to digest it more completely. I really wish it had been available when I was just starting my family, but even though my kids are now older I don't feel it's too late. A wonderful resource for any two-parent household, full of practical advice and suggestions on how to improve the whole family's quality of life. Julie Shields cuts through to the heart of many emotional, complicated parenting issues and presents solutions from a fresh, logical perspective. This is not just another book telling women how to reduce stress in their lives by making time for relaxing baths. I highly recommend it to any parent, or anyone thinking of becoming one.

5 out of 5 stars A must read for all parents and potential parents!.......2002-09-13

This book is one of a kind. Whether you are parents already or just thinking about it, How to Avoid the Mommy Trap will help men and women alike think about parenting as a partnership as never done before. This book has been a lifesaving eye-opener for me and my marriage and I am sure I am not the only one out there for whom this is true.

Shields is an innovator. She has changed the paternity leave policies in the State Department. In the book, she gets readers to think about the importance of where your ideal partner stands on work and family issues before meeting him/her or where your current partner stands on such issues before making the making the final commitment.

I am a full-time stay at home mom and I love my job. It is the hardest yet most rewarding job I have ever had and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I had begun to lose my identity in my mommyness and this book is a guide on how mothers can "let go" without guilt. Julie Shields is helping me get my sense of self back and she doesn't even know me!

Just read the Table of Contents and you'll be hooked too!

Amy Beal

5 out of 5 stars WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE WRITE THIS SOONER!!!.......2002-09-05

What a fantastic book-the author explains that there are hundreds of books on what color flowers go with what color wedding dress but almost none on how to pick a mate and discuss questions of child rearing long before the baby is born. She also explains how to help your mate change his (her) point of view about division of labor.
The book is well written and interesting; the research very detailed. The author presents many couples who have designed manners of living that avoid the pitfalls of being wife, mother, career woman and doing it all badly.
There is a long section on the frightening results of studies on substitute care and an enlightening one on how other countries have far mnore advanced solutions to the working parent.
This is a must for all women who are planning to get married and have children or have children and are unhappy with their lives. Men either love it or hate it but I haven't met a women yet who doesn't find more in this book that is very helpful.
A must read!!!
The Marriage Trap
Average customer rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • Historical Romance Mystery
  • a suprisingly good read!
  • An alpha male and the spirited woman who captures his heart
  • not a elizabeth thornton fan
  • I've read this one before
The Marriage Trap
Elizabeth Thornton
Manufacturer: Bantam
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Mass Market Paperback

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ASIN: 0553587536
Release Date: 2005-06-28

Book Description

Nationally bestselling author Elizabeth Thornton returns with a wickedly tempting new tale of scandal, intrigue, and daring proposals. . . .

From dueling at dawn to fighting at Waterloo, Jack Rigg, Earl of Raleigh, has seen his share of danger. But now he faces his greatest fear: wedlock by ambush. It began in Paris, when he rescued an alluring cardsharp named Aurora from a tavern brawl. In the safety of Jack’s rooms they shared a passionate embrace. He never suspected their compromising encounter would change his life completely. . . .

The idea that a poor vicar’s daughter should marry Jack Rigg might be amusing–if it weren’t so imperative. When she last saw Jack, Ellie Hill was disguised as “Aurora,” indulging her gift for gaming. Now she’s in trouble with the law–and Jack is her alibi. She must hope he’ll be more of a gentleman than he was to Aurora. But as they forge an unlikely and increasingly amorous alliance, someone with a deadly agenda wants to end their union before it begins.

Download Description

The nationally bestselling, award-winning author Elizabeth Thornton was born and educated in Scotland, and has lived in Canada with her husband for the last thirty years. In her time, she has been a teacher, a lay minister in the Presbyterian Church, and is now a full-time writer, a part-time babysitter to her five grandchildren, and a dog walker to her two spaniels


From the Paperback edition.

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars Historical Romance Mystery.......2006-08-07

The Marriage Trap by Elizabeth Thornton was a fun mystery with strong characters and great humor. Jack Rigg and Ellie Hill have known each other since they were children. When they meet, again Jack does not recognize Ellie. Jack and Ellie must solve a murder mystery and stop anyone else from being killed. If you enjoy this genre I would also check out The Lady Lies The Lady Killer and The Lady's Code by Samantha Saxon

5 out of 5 stars a suprisingly good read!.......2005-09-09

I have never been a huge Elizabeth Thorton fan. I've found her books to be satisfactory in the past, but perhaps a bit dry and lacking in spark for my taste.

A friend highly recommended The Marriage Trap, and although I wasn't expecting to be too impressed, I was pleasantly surprised. As another reviewer mentioned, this is one of the rare stories in which I could actually see the romance developing. The protagonists weren't completely convinced it was "true love" from the start, but rather got to know each other much as "real life" relationships evolve. While this might sound like it is dull (I too normally prefer the "sweep me off my feet" romance) but the diologue was clever and the characters were very likable (particularly Ellie). And although the Ellie and Jack seemed more grounded than other romantic heroes, there was still no shortage of sweet moments in which you knew they were made for each other.

There was the perfect balance of a genuinely interesting mystery and the developing romance, with a cast of secondary characters that perfectly complimented the protagonists. The comparisons between Ellie and Frances (sister-in-law) were very effective, as was the more lighthearted comparison between Jack and his fashionable friend Ast.

Overall I thought this was a perfectly balanced and charming story, that I would highly recommend. My only complaint is very minor: the ending could have been just a bit stronger in my opinion. The mystery was wrapped up fairly satisfyingly, but I didn't feel there was enough closure between the two main characters. Of course, in keeping with the nature of their relationship, in a lot of ways it made more sense for them to have a simple "happily ever after" moment rather than the usual dramatic conclusions I usually look for.

Definetly try this one whether or not you're an Elizabeth Thorton fan.

5 out of 5 stars An alpha male and the spirited woman who captures his heart.......2005-08-25

This book had great dialog, hero , heroine , plot, background characters & character development. I loved the mystery of how Jack was trying to find who killed an actress and trying to hurt Ellie. There is a lot of twists and turns. I love watching Jack and Ellie grow to fall in love with each other. This a different kind of romance. I found the characters to be multi-dimensional and the author weaves a mystery into the story without slowing it down or interrupting the romantic flow. Jack and Ellie love for each other builds slowly and deepens until you can almost feel it.

There is also Ellie's bitchy sister-in-law Frances. Through her sister-in-law you see Ellie grow into a stronger person and helps Jack see wonderful and kind Ellie is compared to Frances. Frances is someone you love to hate.

This book had me laughing out loud and later made me teary-eyed.The Marriage Trap was a quick read that kept me turning pages from start to finish. The author captured the essence of the age without loading up the prose with gratuitous period facts with little bearing on the story. This was just the kind of romance novel I love is Wonderful characters. Characters that seems real because they are not perfect-something most novels like this lack. One of the things I liked best about this book is the way the author wove the emotional storyline with such a light touch -- I was engrossed with the relationship between the hero and heroine and truly felt as if I knew them both. A wonderful hero, an engaging and spunky heroine, a mystery to be solved, and a large heaping of danger and action. I positive devoured this book. :-) This book is a gem.


I also loved meeting Jack's best friends Ash and Brand. It will be fun who and how they fall in love with in the next two romance books.

3 out of 5 stars not a elizabeth thornton fan.......2005-08-03

I have yet to read a really good book by this author. But I keep trying. The marriage trap had all the makings. the story and plot were entertaining and the heroine was spunky and fun. But somehow the writing was too dry....No spark, no real depth. I still don't know how the characters were related and I did finish the book......oh well......

3 out of 5 stars I've read this one before.......2005-07-12

Elizabeth Thornton can usually be counted on to deliver a well written page turner,but, somehow, this book didnt do it for me. I realize that we dont read romance for originality,but for the "boy and girl live happily ever after" ending. But to get to that ending I have to be more entertained than I was while reading the story of Ellie and Jack. Another reviewer gave the plot and storyline in more detail,so I'll just say that Jack was the usual "I can't tell her how I really feel"regency lord and Ellie,while more interesting and original than Jack-she is a governess-companion who is also a gambling "virtuoso",has that "I can't tell him how I feel until he sees the real me". Nothing new here,but lord,these two bored me! I would rather wait and read about Jacks' two friends,Ash and Brand(you know these regency guys always travel in packs), who will both be having there own stories soon. Well written but,just not up to par for me.
The Passion Trap: Where Is Your Relationship Going?
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • Passion Trap
  • I would give this book TEN stars if I could!
  • Brilliant book
  • Read This Before It's Too Late
  • Amazing Insight Into Relationship Dynamics
The Passion Trap: Where Is Your Relationship Going?
Dean C. Delis , and Cassandra Phillips
Manufacturer: Fenestra Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 1587361086

Book Description

Renowned psychologist Dr. Dean Delis shows how to change the patterns that threaten romantic relationships. Formerly published as The Passion Paradox.

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars Passion Trap.......2007-07-13

This is a fantastic read. The way it explains and describes the human dynamics of a toxic or failing relationship makes complete sense. It also normalizes a lot of behaviour within these types of relationships which help the reader gain understanding, clarity and insight into their own thoughts and actions. By gaining this understanding it also helps encourage you, if nothing has before, to make firm decisions one way or another for yourself that will be best for you.

5 out of 5 stars I would give this book TEN stars if I could!.......2006-12-07

As a Relationship Coach, I suggest that all my clients purchase this book and keep reading it over and over until it truly sinks in. Whether you are happily married, in a troubled relationship, or single looking for a mate, reading this book is a MUST! I agree with another customer's review that you can throw away the rest of the relationship books in your library and keep this one close at hand. The Passion Trap is the genesis, IMO, where all relationships start failing. Other books (and I've read many) on relationships may hone in on this or that issue and offer advice for remedies, but this book starts at the bedrock level of troubled relationships.

It is almost spooky how this dynamic works in all relationships. One of the partners is always more invested than the other which keeps the relationship out of balance . . . one wanting more, one wanting to run.

Read The Passion Trap, and begin to recognize how this dynamic is working in your relationship . . . before it's too late. :)

5 out of 5 stars Brilliant book.......2006-03-13

In my library, I have about 400 books on psychology of relationships. I didn't expect this book to add much more to what I already had, or knew. Was I wrong!

This book is the best analysis of the self-defeating dynamics that destroy love relationships -- and delivered in such an accessible, well-written mannner that one cannot put it down. I stayed up two nights in a row reading it until 4 a.m., and wished I didn't have to go to sleep at all.

How I wish I came across this book a long time ago. As earlier reviewers stated, this should be required reading in high school (though this book is for all ages) -- it would save people so much heart-ache, depression, and divorces, if they understood ahead of time what undermines relationships between love partners.

The book is at its best when it descibes power imbalances that occur between people; it gets a little weaker later on when the authour tries to categorize people by giving them labels (e,g, "Loner", "Punisher", etc.) Real life can be a little more complicated than that (i.e., some people combine many characteristics, and are too complex to fit in just one category). But that didn't diminish my total admiration for this book.

I may get rid of some of my other books in the future to make room for new ones, but the Passion Trap will stay with me forever. I will be sharing it with my grandchildren if I have any...

5 out of 5 stars Read This Before It's Too Late.......2005-02-22

A year ago this book could have helped avoid the breakup we just experienced. It might not have avoided the split, but at least we both would have exerted all efforts to try to understand the issues and reach a mutual decision rather than have it all fall on one to make the decision.

The book is brilliant. I could not put it down. The cases were effective in linking theory with life and it was almost too easy to identify with the roles. Throw away the so-called self-help books that promise reconciliation and read this book at the first sign of relationship troubles. Regardless of the outcome, you both will find a great sense of peace and resolve for having applied the techniques Dr. Dellis decribes.

5 out of 5 stars Amazing Insight Into Relationship Dynamics.......2002-03-16

A friend loaned me his book when I was in a troubled relationship. I learned more about the dynamics of relationships from this book than I ever could have in practice. In fact, I learned so much from it, I just had to buy it. I have read and re-read my own book many many times and have loaned it to most of my friends. It's too bad this book is out of print. I would recommend anyone buy it, regardless of the price.
Disney's the Parent Trap
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • the parent trap 1998
  • Nice book!
  • Two girls named Hallie and Annie, meet at camp and find.?.?.
Disney's the Parent Trap
Hallie Marshall
Manufacturer: Disney Pr (Juv Pap)
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Popular CulturePopular Culture | Literature | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
GeneralGeneral | Family Life | People & Places | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
FictionFiction | Marriage & Divorce | Family Life | People & Places | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
FictionFiction | Siblings | Family Life | People & Places | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
GeneralGeneral | Ages 4-8 | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
DivorceDivorce | Issues | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
TwinsTwins | Issues | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:
  1. The Parent Trap (Special Edition) The Parent Trap (Special Edition)

ASIN: 0786842342

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars the parent trap 1998.......2000-06-07

I love this movie! The originel book is called: "Lisa andlottie".My favorite actress is "Lindsay Lohan".I alwaysgo on her webpage.

5 out of 5 stars Nice book!.......1998-10-19

This is another novel from Disney's The Parent Trap and I just love it! A must buy book or if you prefer more just go to the nearest cinema and see the movie for yourself if it's still showing.

5 out of 5 stars Two girls named Hallie and Annie, meet at camp and find.?.?........1998-08-22

I love reading Disney Books and I'd say this is the best one!!!
Build a Better Spouse Trap: A Street-Smart Dating Strategy for Men Who Have Lost a Love
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • The Title Does Not Reflect The Contents
  • A Male Therapist reviews
  • Practical advice for men who are interested in loving again
  • Excellent Tips on Finding REAL Love--For Anyone
  • Star1
Build a Better Spouse Trap: A Street-Smart Dating Strategy for Men Who Have Lost a Love
Theodore S Wentworth
Manufacturer: M. Evans and Company, Inc.
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

Grief & BereavementGrief & Bereavement | Death & Grief | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Interpersonal RelationsInterpersonal Relations | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Love & RomanceLove & Romance | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
MarriageMarriage | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Love & LossLove & Loss | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
DatingDating | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
GriefGrief | By Topic | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
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ASIN: 0871319594

Book Description

When Ted Wentworth's first wife passed away, he went through the textbook stages of grief. Not being the type to succumb to self-pity, he would have to find the best way to continue. He picked himself up and devised a plan so he could continue his life. The plan the author devised works equally well for men who have lost a wife to death or divorce. Here are detailed guidelines readers can use when they are ready to face the world and start dating again.

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars The Title Does Not Reflect The Contents.......2004-01-18

Although the title of this book is catchy the implication of "trapping" a spouse comes across as a negative. The book really isn't about trapping a spouse and it is indeed a good book. The subtitle is more appropriate "A Street-Smart Dating Strategy for Men Who Have Lost a Love."

This book is written by a Board Certified Trial Lawyer from Newport Beach along "with" a Beverly Hills based psychologist who specializes in couples counseling.

Being myself recently divorced and having lost a love I found this book to be very realistic in terms of describing what losing a love is like and what the recovery process is like.

The chapters are:

1.) Coping with Loss
2.) How Life Goes On
3.) Getting Serious about a Relationship
4.) Into the Future

I found each of the chapters to be intelligent, realistic and honest. I felt that the author really has felt what I am feeling and has a pretty cutting edge approach to his understanding and to his perspective on solutions. He is frank about depression, about not being able to get out of bed etc.

The guts of the book are about forming a dating strategy to find your next spouse. The apporach is very structured, precise and well defined. Although that type of approach may have appeal to a limited number of personality types I found the chapters on Coping and How Life Goes On to be worth the price of the book.

In a nutshell this is the only book I've found that is sort of like having a 40 or 50 year old uncle or father give you very accurate, useful, practical advice on the most intelligent way to find a spouse and not screw up your life and end up in divorce.

5 out of 5 stars A Male Therapist reviews.......2003-06-11

As a man and as a Marriage and Family therapist I feel "Build a Better Spouse Trap" is an important book. To me there are two underlying themes that Mr. Wentworth is conveying to the men he talks to so clearly. First, Think! My office is full of men who didn't think. They reacted. They are now in trouble, and they are sorry.

The second important point the author makes is to encourage the reader to Feel! Or better yet, identify feelings that are already there. Too many men make serious relationship mistakes because they don't know how to feel the feelings they already have. The author makes this point well when he encourages men to "stop living on automatic."

The result of following the advice in the book is to make the relationship process conscious. He says we should actually become conscious in the process of finding our life partner.
Finally, encouraging men to find a good therapist is great advice. I find that with a straightforward approach that is cognitive and logical, men make great progress in therapy and they really enjoy the process.

Beyond that, they learn about themselves, what makes women tick, and in doing so gain enormous confidence.

The book is honest, fun to read, and practical. But the phrase from the subtitle "Street Smart" says it all. The book hands you exactly what you need to have on those dark nights as you are forcing yourself to get out of the car and nervously walk up to her door. One is tempted to take the book along and feverishly flip through the pages for the right advice when she is in the lady's room. It doesn't get any more real than "Build a Better Spouse Trap."

I think "Build a Better Spouse Trap" in a shot in the arm to those of us who otherwise would be lost and depressed hoping the random forces of the universe will finally make us happy.

5 out of 5 stars Practical advice for men who are interested in loving again.......2003-06-11

Every patient and male friend, to whom I have recommended this book, has found great straightforward advice that tells it like it is. Wentworth doesn't waste a reader's time with fluff and explanations, he gets right to the point of how to get over the loss of love and work a practical plan to bring real connection and relationship back into one's life.

He points out the pitfalls that many men fall into in new relationships. He talks directly about psychological "landmines" of character-disordered women (i.e. beautiful borderlines) and how to fight fair, break up respectfully and when and when not to use the Internet for dating. He uses humor and refers to a great many resources for further research, if readers want to know more about any topic.

The women I have recommended this book to have also truly enjoyed the practical and easy-to-understand suggestions. It seems both men and women are tired of groping blindly in the dark and just hoping that love will find them. Taking a proactive approach is far more appealing.

This is a great gift for any man you care about who is really interested in finding a healthy relationship!

5 out of 5 stars Excellent Tips on Finding REAL Love--For Anyone.......2003-06-10

Having read "Spouse Trap" out of interest in how men think, I can say this is one excellent book for anyone, male or female, interested in REAL LOVE. No psychobabble here, rather real hands-on tips based on personal experience. The author's sincere and helpful stand that one has to do the work on one's self first is unique from most other books on finding love. Wonderful insights on grieving and getting on, good step by step procedures for personal evaluation on what one really wants in love. Highly recommended by this reader.

3 out of 5 stars Star1.......2003-04-26

I've been divorced for 3 years now and trying to find a way to "get moving". I read the sample pages, (and the reviewers' comments)from this book and I got the impression that it would perfect for me. Like the others I've read, it had a few things that explained feelings I've had that I could not put into better words. The "dealing with the grief" part was good but not the "dating again" chapters. In the book, he makes several referneces to "Chapter 11, (I think thats the right number), that is the most important chapter in the book. I was looking forward to getting to it to see what the big deal was. All it dealt with was giving tips on getting a good counselor and how important it is to get someone with a solid background to help. If you're like me getting over a lost, you probably have or had a counselor to help you cope and get moving on with your life.
At the end, it discusses ideas when relationships get serious and also when they go bad. It also gave warning signs of unstable women and good reasons to get away from them. The last chapter has an example pre-nupital agreement.
Anyway, it had some decent stuff but weak on the dating aspects.

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  2. Fablehaven Rise of the Evening Star (Fablehaven) (Fablehaven) (Fablehaven) (Fablehaven)
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  4. History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)
  5. History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)
  6. History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)
  7. History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)
  8. History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)
  9. History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)
  10. Home Before Dark (Contemporary Classics (Washington Square Press))

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