Amazon.com
When a heinous act is committed, sometimes one wonders if forgiveness is even possible. Lewis B. Smedes would certainly advise it. "When we forgive," he says, "we set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner we set free is us." In an easy-to-read yet astute analysis of the meaning and value of forgiveness, Smedes teaches the reader that more than anything, forgiveness is a way of healing. He takes as his model the Judeo-Christian God and outlines the many subtleties involved in forgiveness, such as distinguishing anger from hate, and noting that we only forgive those we blame (including ourselves). Forgetting may be more difficult, but at least The Art of Forgiving can help us along the path toward release and healing.
Book Description
"Lewis Smedes writes about forgiveness like no one has ever written about it before. There is no better book in the English language about this subject, which, if properly mastered, can change the face of human relationships."
--Neil Clark Warren
Author of
The Triumphant Marriage and
Make Anger Your Ally
If you are ready to make peace with those who have hurt or betrayed you, there can be no finer road map than this thoroughly practical book. Lewis Smedes brings true forgiveness, "Gods own gift," within the capacity of every wounded person, even in circumstances when only hate seems possible. With inspiring words, he leads you through the three stages of forgiveness and helps you understand:
Why we forgive (often the person who benefits most is the forgiver)
What we do when we forgive (perhaps not what we expect)
Whom we forgive (only those who directly wrong us)
How we forgive (we start by owning our pain)
Using many dramatic examples drawn from life, this wise author illuminates, step by step, the healing path to peace and freedom.
"Altogether a wonderfully wise and enabling book, one of Smedes's very best.
The Art of Forgiving is itself a work of art. Throughout my reading I found myself exclaiming, 'That never occurred to me, but yes, that's right!' I felt as if I were being led by an extraordinarily lucid and perceptive guide on a tour through the land of forgiveness."
--Nicholas Woltersdorff
Professor of Philosophical Theology
The Divinity School, Yale University
Customer Reviews:
expect giant rewards from this book.......2007-03-03
This book will save you unnecessary agony if you are committed to a life of forgiveness and freedom from the past, which is work enough as it is. Expect giant rewards from living by Smedes' insights.
Think you "can't" forgive?.......2007-02-16
The problem likely lies in your understanding of what forgiveness is... and what it is not. One thing it is not, is saying what happened was okay, that nothing happened that shouldn't have happened, that the person who generated the painful experience isn't responsible for their choices and behaviors. Forgiveness does not involve "forgetting"... it does involve clearly seeing what happened, the impact it has had on you, and taking the opportunity to make different decisons about the impact you will permit it to continue to have in the future.
Lewis Smedes clarifies what forgiveness REALLY is. You have the right to choose to not forgive, to hold onto hatred. You have the right to continue to choose to be miserable. But if you want to be free, if want to move away from the pain once and for all, you must choose to forgive... and Lewis Smedes shows how to do that effectively. There is no magic here, other than the reality that you don't HAVE to stay stuck in anger and pain. It won't necessarily happen overnight... but it can happen if you are willing.
Right in line with my thinking...........2006-07-07
This book was given to me by a friend who knew I really enjoyed books of this nature. One line that I've always said to my friends is something this book expounds on in depth: Forgiveness isn't a gift you give to another person. It's something you do inside of yourself and for yourself. A very positive look on the subject of forgiveness, and learning to let go of revenge and embracing justice instead... I recommend it for anyone who is having issues with letting go of a wrong perceived or otherwise that they feel has been done to them.
the art of forgiving.......2005-08-09
This has to be the best book written on the subject. It makes you realize that forgivness is the only way to heal pain and hurt. You are not letting the other person off the hook, you are saying that you understand that they are only human and capable of error. The forgivness is on your part only, you do not even have to tell the person who hurt you that you forgive them, it cleanses your soul.
A Masterpiece!.......2004-04-24
For people who have been wronged and struggle with negative, consuming emotions, this title is the one to read. Smedes describes in great detail what it means to forgive, and that the benefit is not to the one forgiven, but to the one forgiving. His words here are like a long, cool drink of water to a soul parched from hatred, bitterness and animosity. There is great healing power in forgiveness, and Smedes harnesses that power in this book as few other authors have done.
Book Description
An exploration of how we can be transformed by the God who gives abundantly and who forgives unconditionally.
Customer Reviews:
A little book with a life-changing message.......2007-05-14
Have you ever wondered what is missing in our culture? In our churches? In our workplaces? In our homes? In our "selves"? Volf offers a compelling diagnosis for one of modern culture's most significant and serious problems. I dare anyone to read this book and walk away unchanged. At the very least it will change your perspective, at best it may change your life.
Beautiful.......2007-03-31
Volf does an incredible service for the church in writing this. He is neither preachy nor condescending, but is thoughtful, articulate and weaves together a beautiful theology of forgiveness. This book fills a large gap in the thought and reflection of the church in America, and deserves careful attention to anyone wishing to follow Jesus.
The Best Book I've Read on the Subject of Forgiveness.......2006-10-25
As far as understanding the nature and power of forgiveness, this was a paradigm shifter for me. More importantly, it moved me to action, literally becoming a catalyst for mending, what was at the time, a seriously damaged relationship. I have not read a better book on the subject. Volf's a deep thinker, but he doesn't have his head in the sand. He writes from a place of humility and grace. And his understanding of the Gospel and what it makes us capable of becoming is so illuminating and life-giving. I hope I don't sound too enamored with the man, but his insights have proven to be very wise. I feel that I am in his debt.
Primer for Christians, Other Faiths or Even No Faith.......2006-05-16
This is a primer on the most gracious acts we can participate in: giving and forgiving. It is for Christians as well as those of other faiths or even no faith. The author sets out to explain first who is God and explains the difference between God's reality and his image. He then "...examines how to conceive of and live out two basic human practices, giving and forgiving."
Dr. Volf admits this is not a scholarly book, but says that "Most books I write, I write for myself, as s spiritual exercise almost." I found it a thought provoking study that requires contemplation rather than a quick fifteen minutes of reading before bedtime. I also see it as a basis for a Bible study class resulting in endless interesting discussions.
While Bible verse references are frequent, the author refers to the classics in literature as well as examples from movies. This book is not stuck in the stories of 2000 years ago, but in the reality of our times as well as those of Jesus.
Through each chapter the author defines the differences between God's acts of giving and our own, as well the differences in how we forgive. Early on he states with authority that "Faith is the first part of the bridge from self-centeredness to generosity." Dr. Volf's explanations provide a clarity which had me shaking my head in understanding many times. We all know it is good to give a gift, but as the author says, "When a gift is given, life becomes extraordinary because God's own gift giving flows through the giver." This is a perspective I hadn't considered, but it feels like the sun rising on a new day.
He goes on to address the question of why forgiveness is required and says it is a "...special kind of gift." He is not unrealistic and acknowledges how difficult it is. Examples from his own family show that it can be done, even in the most difficult situations. We can only hope to learn to forgive half as well as his parents did.
I challenge you to undertake the study of this subject. Give yourself the gift of knowledge and understanding, which will benefit those around you.
Dr. Volf, Director of the Yale Center for Faith and Culture and the Henry B. Wright Professor of Theology at Yale Divinity School, is a native of Croatia. He is the author ten books, including "Exclusion and Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness and Reconciliation" which won the 2002 Grawemeyer Award in Religion. "Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace" was commissioned by the Archbishop of Canterbury as the Official 2006 Lent Book.
Powerful lessons from a man who's walked the walk.......2006-03-21
In this practical and profound book, Volf gets down to the nitty-gritty of what it means for us as Christians to forgive those who have wronged us. Simply put as he states in his book, "We forgive because God forgives. We forgive as God forgives. We forgive by echoing God's forgiveness." While this is one of those deceptively simple lessons that takes me a minute to learn but a lifetime to master, Volf has given his fellow Christian brothers and sisters some tools to get us started on this journey toward reconciliation.
Book Description
Why do we harden our hearts, even against those we want to love? Why do we find it so hard to admit being wrong? Why are the worst grudges the ones we hold against ourselves? Using movies, people in the news, and sessions from his practice, psychologist and award- winning author Robert Karen illuminates the struggle between our wish to repair our relationships on one side and our tendency to see ourselves as victims who want revenge on the other.
When we nurse our resentments, Karen says, we are acting from an insecure aspect of the self that harbors unresolved pain from childhood. But we also have a forgiving self which is not compliant or fake, but rather the strongest, most loving part of who we are. Through it, we are able to voice anger without doing damage, to acknowledge our own part in what has gone wrong, to see the flaws in ourselves and others as part of our humanity.
Karen demonstrates how we can move beyond our feelings of being wronged without betraying our legitimate anger and need for repair. The forgiving self, when we are able to locate it, brings relief from compulsive self-hatred and bitterness, and allows for a re-emergence of love.
Customer Reviews:
Not To Be Missed Or Dissed.......2005-02-25
Several morons have written lengthy reviews dissing this book. The fact is it is a well-written serious work on forgiveness. Dr. Professor Karen has obviously researched this subject in all its complexity and thought deeply about it. He has produced a meritorious work. It may not be the best book on the subject (I'd recommended Dr. Luskin's book), but Dr. Professor Karen has made a worthy contribution to the subject. I give it a 5, and I could certainly understand a critic giving it a 4 if he/she didn't like it. But a 2? Come on! That shows a vindictive person wrote it.
Loss, Resentment, Connection.......2003-01-15
"What we do in the realm of forgiveness says a great deal about both how we mourn our losses and how well we have separated psychologically from our parents, two fundamental issues in emotional health and development." Dr. Karen's long introduction is unusually astute: "There are many reasons why forgiveness may be difficult, impossible, or wrong." Addressing both the wronged and weary and the ashamed and hiding, he has written a psychologically sophisticated exploration of the complex dynamics of (the usual suspects of) authentic relationship and forgiveness -- not at all as "misty," sentimental or politically correct moral virtue -- that deserves your unsentimental attention.
Correting some flagrant misunderstandings by reviewers.......2002-10-08
Although I rarely write reviews of books, I was compelled to do so here upon reading the review by the reader Out west. His or her claim is that Mr. Karen is mistaken in conflating mental health problems with moral immaturity. Wrong! Mr. Karen never makes the claim that those suffering mental anguish are morally *immature.* On the contrary, he claims that people can become *stronger* in their practice of the virtues, particularly forgiveness, for their own good and the good of those around them. This is an ages-old idea, going back at least to Aristotle. Neither Aristotle nor Mr. Karen are passing judgement on anyone, only claiming that all of us should be challenged to grow morally. With regard to the reader's claim that Mr. Karen has broken the rules of psychotherapy by introducing forgiveness into the inner sanctum of the profession, I have this to say: So what? Who cares? He broke the rules??!!?? Heavens, what might happen next? Penicillin was discovered by breaking the rules; the Wright brothers discovered flight by breaking the rules; Michael Jordan broke every rule of conventional basketball to give us a better way. Rule-breaking is no sin, especially for such a pragmatic science as psychotherapy when good results are obtained. Mr. Karen gets good results. Don't condemn that.
Sweet Voice of Perceptive Reason.......2002-09-10
I found this book perceptive and personally helpful.
Robert Karen is careful, at the beginning of the book, to make clear his intentions. He is not using forgiveness as a blanket application nor is he discussing the forgiveness of great atrocities (the Holocaust, 9/11, etc.) or the forgiveness of such terrible violations as sexual, physical and verbal abuse. He is exploring, rather, forgiveness as a step towards wholeness: the recognition that people can be both lovable and infuriating, that we ourselves can be flawed and yet worthwhile. Karen is encouraging the reader to move beyond "good guy--bad guy" tags, to accept that people--our parents, ourselves--can be imperfect without being the enemy.
This acceptance and recognition, Karen makes clear, is a process. He is not advocating forgiveness as something easy or instantaneous or even, sometimes, appropriate. Forgiving, from Karen's point of view, is a dialog, whether it is a dialog with another person or with our past. The hallmark of this kind of forgiveness is honesty--to honestly admit, "This is how I feel, this is what I'm doing, this is what I experience." Karen is not interested in "fixing" problems: "Okay, I won't do, feel, experience that anymore." He is interested in illustrating the achievement of being able to say, "Okay, I feel this envy or this malice. I don't like it. That's also part of me. I'm a whole person."
Wholeness is the object of Karen's book: how to achieve personal wholeness through recognizing the potential wholeness in other people: "I can still love someone even though they are flawed." In this, Karen accesses a deep truth, call it religious or ethical or whatever (and why should religion and ethics be removed from mental health?): to try to act towards others how we would like them to act towards us.
Karen uses a number of movies, books and current events as examples. Although some of these are applicable, and they are all very interesting, these object lessons are less credible and less applicable than his therapy work and personal experiences.
Recommendation: Buy it.
The Real story about what it takes to heal.......2002-04-22
As a psychiatrist with a spiritual background, I have read many books about healing emotional wounds. In this book, Robert Karen quite simply has provided the best summary of how we get wounded, and what is required to truly heal and move on. He is very articulate, very human, and very informned in his approach. For me, the book started a bit slowly, but it soon became a can't-put-it-down read. I am impressed with how he weaves traditional psychoanalytic theory (which I don't always agree with) with more contemporary ideas about the value of moving out of old emotional wounds (See Carolyn Myss, Why People Don't Heal and How They Can). I agree with other reviewers on this site, as I plan to order several copies and send them to people I care about.
Book Description
Can you find it in your heart to forgive?
You’ve been wronged, but you want to do the right thing. You want to be free of the burden of a bitter grudge that weighs you down during the day and keeps you up at night. You’re wasting time and energy ruminating, railing, perhaps even plotting revenge. You’re sick and tired of being a victim, but you feel stuck.
You’re not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people are victimized by crime and violence every year, devastated by downsizing at work, or reeling from relationship betrayals, breakups, and other social traumas. The good news is that no matter what your injury, clinical psychologist and researcher Dr. Everett Worthington has found that there is a way to unburden yourself through forgiveness and move ahead with life. His new program,
Five Steps to Forgiveness, offers step-by-step advice on how to achieve this breakthrough.
Based on more than a decade of research, including his own work and that of dozens of psychologists investigating the scientific benefits of forgiveness, Dr. Worthington has distilled the REACH plan: Recall the hurt; Empathize with the one who hurt you; Altruistically decide to forgive; Commit publicly to forgiveness; and Hold on to that forgiveness. Dr. Worthington offers simple, clear advice for putting the program to work in your own life and dozens of examples of how others have used it to forgive.
Sometimes you’ll want to do more than forgive—you’ll need to reconcile with the other person, perhaps because you need to continue to work together, share custody of a child, or have another ongoing relationship. Dr. Worthington also takes you plank-by-plank over the bridge of reconciliation.
Studies and clinical practice have demonstrated the effectiveness of the REACH program. Dr. Worthington faced the ultimate test, however, when his mother was brutally murdered in l995. Using the paradigm he had taught so successfully to hundreds of people, he used the REACH program to forgive his own mother’s murderer.
In
Five Steps to Forgiveness, Dr. Worthington shares his proven program, the latest research, his own compelling story, and a wealth of wisdom from the experiences of those he has helped to enable you to attain the hope, health, and happiness forgiveness brings.
Customer Reviews:
An Extraordinary book for our time.......2003-07-20
This is a terrific book. The author really understands the art and science of forgiveness. Of course there are no guarantees but you will certainly begin to understand why you are stuck in the limbo of 'unforgiveness'. Easy to learn system that seems to work for many people. Too bad this book is out of print. It's a great book for our time.
Run, don't walk to get this book.......2003-07-20
A great book for our time. Too bad it's out of print. Hit your public library or get one on Amazon's out of print section of if you can. Everett Worthington PhD is an expert on Forgiveness -- he and his team have studied the art and science of forgiving. Great for anytime in your life. Great for America now. He has a system that you can easily learn and use throughout your work and personal life. There is no guarantee that it will work for you but it will undoubtedly help you understand why you are stuck in 'unforgiveness' limbo.
Words of Wisdom.......2001-12-14
I have long been a distant observer of work in the field of forgiveness, so naturally I was interested in reading Dr. Worthington's latest efforts. I was exceptionally pleased to see that he makes no unrealistic promises on individual success, but does offer a way for the individual to learn to deal with his/her own wounds and ultimately forgive the transgressor. He does an excellent job of outlining each of the vital steps to both forgiving and reconciling old wounds. His inclusion of real life examples, both from his own life and the lives of others, on how (and when) to implement these steps, gives this piece a personal touch that allows the reader and the author to relate to one another. In short, this book is a worthy addition to the scientific field of forgiveness, and a powerful psychological tool that we could all benefit from.
I Forgave Myself and My Ex.......2001-12-09
I actually got hooked by this book looking through it at a bookstore. The author tells a great story about how he forgave his mother's murderer, something I don't think I could ever do. I had hated my ex-husband for years, and I had tried hard to forgive. I read a lot of books on forgiveness-both religious and self-help. This is the best I've read. I liked his five steps. They were easy to do and easy to remember, but the best thing was his sections on forgiving ourselves and on talking about old wounds with others (in the last half of the book). His whole approach was really practical. The book was written well, with lots of stories and several laugh-out-loud stories. I have tried to do what the book recommended and I seem to have been able to forgive myself more than ever and to forgive my ex. I don't think I'll ever get completely over our fighting, but at least I could let go of some of my hate and feel some empathy for him. I think this has been pretty much a life changer for me. I recommend this book highly.
A Golden Book.......2001-12-07
Dr. Worthington's latest book is certain to lead the reader forward on the path to forgiving another. Five Steps To Forgiveness offers a plan that works when applied to the heavy burden of pain, anger and rage that many carry around. Just as a diet and exercise can do much to reduce unwanted weight. Anger, hurt, pain and rage can cause the bearer's spirit to be weighted. Interpersonal relationships suffer when we have unresolved issues. Five Steps To Forgiveness; The Art and Science of Forgiving is a wonderful resource to enable the reader to begin to rid their spirit of the heaviness of pain, anger and hurt that others have inflicted.
A wonderful gift for those you treasure.
Book Description
There is a point in our lives when we seem to stand in the center of our own decision about who we are and how we want to be. It comes after enough of the past pain, resentment and grief have been spent, enough deep holes and yearnings have been filled, enough baggage from the past has been dealt with. Now that we've restored ourselves to a "good enough" status, we're ready to meet life more or less as it is happening. At this point we need to recognize which attitudes and behavior patterns will serve us throughout the rest of our lives and which need to be let go. Can the lives we have envisioned for ourselves flourish under the weight of carried resentment from the past? What does it cost us in terms of happiness and well-being to hang on to the blame and hurt?
Customer Reviews:
Best uplifting book I can remember reading........2007-08-05
I love this book and read it daily. It is so ironic when you are going through something and you open the book right to an affirmation that pertains to that very situation. I bought several copies of Daily Affirmation for Forgiving and Moving On and give it out as gifts to friends that I know will benefit from it.
Should be titled Forgiving and Moving on IN RECOVERY.......2007-07-22
This is first and foremost a book to help people deal with forgiveness and letting go as it relates to recovery from an addiction. This book was not helpful to me. I was just looking for a general book on forgiveness and this is just not it.
great little book that will raise you up.......2004-11-14
I'm not a typically "sensitive" guy, but I do have "issues," and this little book of affirmations always helps and frequently seems to be just what I need to stay focused on my chosen path. I heard about this from my NIA teacher Michele (thanks, Michele!), and have since recommended it to others and bought several for people who I felt needed its healing. I recommend it wholeheartedly for its targeted help in a field that includes a bunch of useless touchy-feely mush.
This book will give inspire you to take care of yourself........1999-09-28
This book helped me out of a very difficult time, it gave me the insight and the strength to recover from years of shame and frustration.
Great easy moving affirmation book.......1999-06-21
There gets to a point where it's time to change affirmation books. If you are at that point, like I was, this is the book for you!
Book Description
"A clearheaded study of what life can do to us and possible ways to begin again." —Carl A. Whitaker, M.D., author of Midnight Musings of a Family Therapist and coauthor of The Family Crucible Women and men who have been deeply hurt by someone they love often experience a pain that spirals out to undermine their work, relationships, self-esteem, and even their sense of reality. In Forgiving the Unforgivable, author Beverly Flanigan, a leading authority on forgiveness, defines such unforgivable injuries, explains their poisonous effects, and then guides readers out of the paralyzing anger and resentment. As a Fellow of the Kellogg Foundation, Flanigan conducted a pioneering study of forgiveness, and from that study, from her clinical practice, and from her many years of teaching, researching, and conducting professional workshops and seminars, she devised a unique six-stage program, presented here. Filled with inspiring real-life examples, Forgiving the Unforgivable is both a practical and a comforting guide to recovery and healing.
Customer Reviews:
Very helpful in finally forgiving.......2004-02-10
Provides a systematic approach in carefully distinguishing injurer/injury/injured as well as Your core beliefs about these distinctions. Hopefully it provides you with some relief/release from you current bondage. I fundamentally DO believe in forgiveness. However, my process for arriving at forgiveness always felt more like avoidance or hyper vigilance towards life's risks. For me, it entailed extremes of passive (my needs are irrelevant) at one end, or aggressive(your needs are irrelevant)at the other end. More helpful is an assertive approach which tries to accommodate both parties needs. Initially, this is far more difficult than the passive or aggressive approach. Requires an increased awareness of the present moment and of what is really so for you, as well as for the person you're dealing with. The processes in this book gave me a way to examine my assumptions about what did/did not and/or should/should not have happened; it helped me to become more clear about issues of control and trust; and ultimately learning the wisdom of spreading the trust around, even trusting that I can learn to actively cope with my errors in judgement. Some of the book's 'blaming' and 'punishing' exercises (very hard for me) helped me see that while certain perpetrators could have/should have known (forseen) the damage that would result from their behavior, in most cases, damaging me was not the perpretrator's primary objective. Book also was very 'validating' of my experiences with various therappists, freinds, family lack of capacity to really look at the injury and what the injury means in it's entirety (not just the negative and/or not just the positive aspects). Again, for some of us, it's not so helpful to hear 'yeah, people suck, what are ya gonna do?' or 'just get over it', or 'just forget it', or 'hey, look on the bright side'. Helped me to go from being deeply resigned (hopeless and helpless) to more aware and 'acceptant'of entirety of human nature (both the positive and the negative) and more aware of specifically what I'm really left with after the injury. Hey, for three bucks for a used copy of the book, you can't go wrong. Attaining forgiveness is such a relief !!! Good luck.
If Something Unforgivable Has Happened to You.......2003-08-22
This book was awesome....understandable...easy read...no convoluted psychological jargon...reasons for why we need to forgive....and suggestions for support groups at the end....
If something you think is unforgivable has happened to you....this is a must read...takes a load of weight off your shoulders...
This book is different from the rest........2002-09-01
I disagree with some of the previous reviews. This book helps people overcome some of the most heinous events imaginable, where changing one's point of view cannot ease the pain. Many books deal with forgiveness of the slings and arrows of more typical human existence, and while those events may be horrible, they may not change lives to the degree of some of the events Flanigan describes. This book deals with methods to overcome the events that cause friends and family to become speechless, or worse, withdraw from the wounded in shock and confusion. It's a challenging book - take it slowly: it's well worth the effort.
Very troubling.......2002-03-26
This book starts brilliantly: Flanigan understands the profound moral and (for lack of a better word) philosophical harm "unforgiveable injuries" do us. This is well worth reading, as are the first three steps of her program--naming the injury, claiming the injury, and blaming the injurer. From there, it goes WAY down hill.
Flanigan says anyone who successfully forgives must come to the conclusion that, in having suffered betrayal, "his core beliefs have failed him." Wow. The problems with that notion are legion: To start with, one need not have ill-formed beliefs to be horribly betrayed or injured, and the injurer does the damage, not our beliefs, and those damages do not consist mainly of exposing intellectual shortcomings.
Flanigan thinks we forgive by learning that "harm is a constant potential," that the sort of thing done to us is just the sort of thing that happens. This book is not about forgiveness at all. It is about disillusionment.
But injury isn't injury because it teaches us that harm is a constant potential, nor are we susceptible to harm because we don't know that. Every halfway intelligent grown up already knows that. The entire point of building societies (not to mention houses) and making laws
and developing contracts and teaching moral codes and such things is
precisely because most everyone, except the very sheltered or retarded, already knows that harm is a constant potential. That's why we work hard and--contra Flanigan and her disillusioned forgivers-- amazingly successfully to safeguard ourselves from harm.
That someone breaches the usually-successful safeguards against harm does not teach us anything we didn't already know about the possibility of harm. Harm teaches us about the injurer, not about how the world works.
One thing harm teaches us is that the injurer is dangerous. He or she does not respect basic obligations, agreements, contracts, or other ordinary protections of civil life. Forgiving a dangerous person--giving up the anger and caution that keep you on your toes against such danger--is not a smart thing to do. Flanigan nowhere mentions crucial prerequisites for fogiveness: repentance, remorse, and reform. Without them the injurer remains someone toward who you should be censorious and inhospitable.
If you draw from your injury large conclusions about the world, as Flanigan urges, instead of specific conclusions about the miscreant, you will violate every sound principle of logic, scientific method,and therapy. If you overlook that injurers, not beliefs, are the problem, you may "forgive" someone who is not at all repentant or reformed, and remains a danger.
This book was a big help to me........2001-07-26
My relationship of 3 1/2 years recently ended when my partner left me for another woman. I had no warning that this was coming and was devastated by the abrupt ending. I had foolishly believed that we were both happy. Because I am a believer in attitudinal healing I wanted to be able to forgive. But I was just so hurt and so angry that I couldn't find my way to the forgiveness that would bring back my peace of mind. Then I found this book. It started out by validating all of the feelings that I had ... and explaining how I had lost much more than just the relationship. It then offered practical advice and case studies to help get through the 6 steps for forgiveness. If I had not read this book, I would still be in a much darker place right now. I highly recommend it to those of you suffering from intimate woulds and unforgivable offenses.
Book Description
Forgiveness is an essential part of being a Christian. But what do we do when confronted with the unforgivable-an act that shakes our moral foundations to their roots, often committed by someone trusted and loved?
Murder, sexual abuse, adultery-all leave lifelong wounds and all are unforgivable trespasses that through the grace of God can be forgiven. Dr. David Stoop compassionately guides us along the course of heartfelt forgiveness, freeing us to apply the biblical teachings that have already changed thousands of lives.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent Teaching on Forgiveness.......2006-09-30
This is the best book I've read on the topic of forgiveness. The author has a gift of teaching the reader that it is possible to forgive even the worst of offenses. The chapter on Forgiving Yourself helped me a lot too.
Book Description
Everyone knows that forgiveness is a virtue and a key to emotional, spiritual and even physical well-being. But learning how to actually forgive--or to accept forgiveness, as the case may be--is a sacred art few of us have mastered.
It doesn't have to be that way. Writing from personal experience and her broad knowledge of many faith traditions, Marcia Ford offers a new perspective on forgiveness and reconciliation, an approach rooted in the Spirit that can be learned by anyone no matter how deep the hurt. Through real-life examples, penetrating reflections, scriptural references and practical suggestions, Ford outlines the steps that one by one can help you to forgive, including:
* Coming to terms with anger, bitterness and resentment
* Understanding the differences between forgiveness and reconciliation
* Taking the initiative, even when you're the one who's been wronged
* Strategies for listening "with the heart" in emotionally charged situations
* Knowing when to forgive and forget--and when to forgive and take action
* Ways of allowing the power of the Divine to work through you
* Finding compassion for others--and for yourself
... and much more
Customer Reviews:
What a graceful gift.......2006-06-25
I first connected with Marcia Ford over her insightful book Memoirs of a Misfit. Her seering honesty and gentle tone really resonated with me and affirmed my uniqueness as a child of God. With this book, I connected with her once again in a very deep and profound manner. Here she has employed spiritual insights from a variety of religions and her own personal experiences to guid me along a very rocky path of forgiveness. Highly recommended.
Book Description
A 2003 Templeton Foundation Book of Distinction!All of us have suffered painful emotional and relational hurts. God calls us to forgive those who have hurt us, but that's often easier said than done. We don't usually know how to forgive others, nor are we always sure if we have truly forgiven them.Psychologist and counselor Everett L. Worthington Jr., the leading Christian researcher on forgiveness, says that forgiving is a gift we give to others. When we offer forgiveness to others as an altruistic gift, it is more effective than when we forgive only for our own benefit in an effort to "get over" the hurt. True forgiveness is accomplished through a careful process of understanding both the offense and the offender and taking active steps to forgiveness. In this insightful and practical book, Worthington provides a wealth of clinically proven tools and exercises for moving toward forgiveness.Worthington's expertise comes not only from years of scientific research but also from the experience of the brutal murder of his own mother. His convictions were put to the test as he worked through his conflicting emotions and rage toward the murderer. He found that the principles of Christian forgiveness enabled him to forgive even his mother's killer.While forgiveness is something that we can do on our own, reconciliation involves another party. Worthington brings both themes together and shows how we can move beyond forgiveness and cross the bridge to reconciliation. This book, previously published as Five Steps to Forgiveness, has been fully revised to make clear the scriptural foundations of Christian forgiveness. Biblical, authoritative and pastorally sound, this guide will be of help to anyone who wants to find the freedom of forgiveness.
Customer Reviews:
slim volume, thick content.......2006-07-16
I bought this book a few years ago and thought it was pretty good. Now, I am re-reading it and finding it to be extra-ordinary. A solid, theological, helpful text for every pastor's shelf.
Thoughtful and intelligent treatment of a crucial topic.......2000-06-21
In "Forgiven and Forgiving," L. William Countryman engages the topic of forgiveness from a gospel perspective, especially how it fits into the Christian life, and how it contributes to the "forgiver's" sense of self, spirituality and quality of life. Mr. Countryman neither minimizes nor glosses away important issues such as abuse, pain, suffering, anger or fear; nor does he participate in sugar-coating, guilt trips, self-hatred, sanctimoniousness or denial.
Instead, this work illuminates the gradual, often difficult and painful, process of conversion needed to experience God's love and forgiveness and the realization that ultimately, every human being, each of us, will need to be forgiven for *something*. Mr. Countryman also reminds us that as we grow into our experience of God's love, forgiveness becomes that much easier, an extension of the wonderful love and support we feel. A very good, very healing, book, both religious and spiritual in the truest sense of the words.
Gentle and Revolutionary.......2000-04-05
I'm reading this book as part of a Lenten study series. At first I was relieved to find out that forgiveness bore little resemblance to my preconceptions of it (mainly denial). But this little book deepens quickly, and I've found myself looking at forgiveness in an entirely different way.
For one thing - if you've ever hesitated in living your life for fear of offending others, you'll learn that forgiveness is a life long process, and that apologies are nothing to fear. Forgiveness draws us deeper into life, closer to our own desires, and into more authentic relationships with others.
For someone like me who SO enjoys plotting revenge (though I rarely carry it out) this book has been tranformative.
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