Book Description
Clean of Heart is written for practicing Catholics who accept all the teachings of the Church, yet are still ensnared by pornography and self-abuse. There is hope! Through the Sacraments, God provides all the grace one needs to become pure. No matter how long one has indulged in pornography or how deep one has sunk into the mire of vice, Our Lord can still break the addiction! What makes Clean of Heart different? First, it is written from a Catholic point-of-view. While Evangelical Christians have many books and programs for pornography addicts, there are few titles on the market for Catholics. Clean of Heart consists of forty-three daily meditations which draw from the power of the Sacraments and the wisdom of the Saints (elements lacking in many Evangelical books). Second, Clean of Heart is a surprisingly chaste book. It contains no obscenities or explicit testimonies" which may be an occasion of sin for some. The focus is on attaining a clean heart rather than recalling past sins.
Customer Reviews:
overcoming habitual sins.......2007-06-08
Really great book,I would say a manual for everybody,who wants to live according to catholic true.Very helpfull to cope with sexuality.I recommend this book even to noncatholics.
Book Description
How often have your emotions tossed you back and forth, clouding your vision and preventing you from hearing God's will clearly? Have you ever been in an undefined emotional relationship with a woman or man and unable to break free, even though you know you should? "Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart" delves into the multi-layered issues of emotional intimacy. Through personal examples, modern day parables and Scripture, this book reveals the importance for Christian singles to strive towards emotional purity. Christian singles seem to lack a sense of awareness of how their "innocent" male/female friendships cause a delusion. With the emotional free-for-all we have in Christian single circles, many are left wondering why they are broken hearted over "friendships." The effects of accepting the attitude of intimacy without a commitment obviously devastate our culture. Scripture, however, teaches just the opposite. Practical solutions are given for this common, yet unspoken and largely undefined, problem that is running rampant. After taking an in-depth look into emotional purity and intimacy, the book conquers other related issues, such as envy, discontentment, feelings, expectations and God's purpose for marriage.
"Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart" takes a radical approach to sensitize the reader's heart to the deep meaning of "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Customer Reviews:
One of a kind book on an extremely relevant topic!.......2007-08-11
This book stakes a claim for thinking as a Christian about emotional intimacy. The stakes are never higher than they are now. The increasingly early sexualization of our youths reveals a deep-set cry of confusion and sorrow that the church must answer with biblical wisdom. This book has taken the pioneer's first step forward toward composing the necessary response to a growing problem in the church: hazily defined intimate relationships without commitment.
All true Christians appreciate the value of sexual purity. But what do we know about emotional purity? What do today's Christian singles know about keeping our hearts free of emotional entanglements with believers of the opposite sex? How many stories do we have to hear about believers giving up their hearts to one another before marriage (even before dating) only to have them broken by assumptions, ungrounded hopes and dreams, and misguided expectations? If all young Christian singles, particularly women, were to read and absorb this book today, I believe there would be a small revolution in Titus 2 femininity across the evangelical landscape. The book's message is that crucial, especially in today's relationship milieu.
The book begins with a lengthy fictional scenario about Tracy and Mike, two Christian singles who have a platonic relationship that ends in emotional devastation for Tracy. The story depicts the all too familiar cycle of a pair hanging out, pouring out their hearts to one another, building up to what appears to be a romantic relationship, and then the falling out as one (in this case Mike) shatters the assumptions of the other. This story becomes the central reference point throughout the book--it's careful depiction of a relationship seriously mishandled by two people driven by self-centered desires.
The rest of the book consists of fourteen concise chapters that congregate around several major themes. The final two chapters make up the conclusion of the work, with chapter 16 serving as a real-life bridge from the author's singleness to marriage. Paulsen's openness and concreteness strongly connect the message to its audience. I left the work feeling like I had a long, clear look into the author's heart. Furthermore, enhancing the particular gravity of the book is the very fact that the author wrote it when she was single herself. She writes in the introduction, "I am not sharing theory but real-life challenges and concerns as I and many others experience them" (12).
The book's central premise is this: commitment before intimacy. It is a clarion call for followers of Jesus Christ to lay aside their selfish desires and protect one another (including themselves) from an emotional intimacy that "stirs feelings and senses that promote a bond, a union that God reserves for the marriage relationship" (33). Paulsen astutely places relational intimacy against the backdrop of our relationship with Christ (56, 60). This reminds us that everything in our lives must be patterned after God and set on giving Him the glory. This also places a greater emphasis on marriage and on the "giving" aspect in male-female relationships, which are so prone to being abused for the selfish, temporary gains of comfort and ego-boosting. Paulsen writes, "God does not play games. He does not tease with emotional highs and lows to draw you to Him. He does not befriend you only to leave you at an emotional low while He goes on to the next emotional high with another friend. He asks for a solid commitment and does not take a halfhearted vow"(60).
This is the kind of quote that stops the no-commitment, carefree relationship-monger dead in his or her tracks!
Many women will turn to this book only for help on dating or just guy-girl issues. These seekers will not be disappointed. Much of the middle section of the book thoughtfully deals with issues of men and women (especially their differences), and interactions with the opposite sex. This section can be summarized by a quote on p. 113: "There is a freedom in saving your emotions for your spouse and spending time in your single years in God's private classroom. With God's way, you protect emotions that are to be freely given to the mate of His choice for you." The author's practical advice brims with everyday wisdom gained from life experience and from opening her heart to those older than her (esp. her parents). Such humility is much appreciated, especially on a subject that Scripture does not delineate in black-and-white terms.
The key points of practical insight from the meat of the book are--understanding the emotional nature of women, not defrauding a fellow believer by taking something from him/her (as in their emotions) that doesn't belong to you, creating boundaries in opposite sex relationships, and controlling your thoughts so that you don't indulge in fantasies nor presume upon the other person's unvoiced intentions. Each theme is vividly explained, with each one reappearing multiple times in different contexts. This "theme and variations" approach to the content reinforces the themes and demonstrates how the same theme can be illuminated with spiritual benefit from multiple angles.
Appropriately, Paulsen also focuses her spotlight on our desires. She tackles common fears and misapprehensions of single believers. She writes, "Can you understand that being envious and not trusting God can create a wall between you and the Father? Does it excite you to be at a place of peace about your singleness? Our God is very giving,and we have no business seeking to please our wills (our flesh). Only He can satisfy the deepest longings of our souls" (74).
She calls us to reorient our hearts and their all too often straying desires around God alone. To this end the sins of envy, jealousy, discontentment, and false thoughts ("unrealistic and make-believe thoughts," she calls them on p. 93) are targeted with a view to abhorring them and bringing every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. She knows firsthand how singles are all too prone to these wearisome sins. And she also knows firsthand how rejoicing in undistracted fellowship with the Lord is the key to being satisfied with singleness as a believer (100). She writes, "Since marriage requires laying aside our will and serving another, why not learn this in our single years?" (100). Well-stated and well worth applying immediately in order to demolish those self-serving strongholds that singles can so easily erect when marriage eludes them.
There is much of God and of savoring Him in this book--a quality that is sorely lacking in Christian books on practical issues. Perhaps this is most memorable trait. I was drawn to the book purely on the basis of its topic. But I was greatly pleased that the topic was filtered through the Lordship of Christ. As one who has ministered to singles, I've dealt with the issues of the book on a regular basis. And I've come to notice just how easily these issues can be diagnosed and dealt with at the total exclusion of God's word. The flesh is very strong when it comes to relational matters and it's first casualty is the acknowledgement of God in our minds to shed pure, divine light on what becomes obscured by personal cravings. Paulsen continually brings us back to the heart of emotional purity, which is our relationship to Christ and how that manifests itself in our sufficiency during singleness, our setting Him apart as the only Savior for all of our emotional needs (even in marriage), and our submitting to His glory in our desire for and our pursuit of marriage. Her emphasis on God's sovereignty over singleness and marriage acts as a charge to all believers, a charge "to take a leap of faith by giving up our full control in finding a mate" (127).
In a book on relationships and guarding one's heart, it is short on lists of do's and don'ts. For that I am thankful to the author because by placing the emphasis on broader themes and general wisdom (couched in the particulars of her and other people's actual experiences), she gets more mileage out of the message. We aren't strapped to a set of relational rules. Rather we are freed up, equipped with Paulsen's practical insight with Scriptural support in hand, to apply, by the Spirit, what we've learned to our own lives. If you want a relevant, personal, wise, and God-centered book on what it means to keep your heart free from relationship idols, turn to this encouraging resource.
poorly supported book with good ideas.......2007-07-11
This book starts in an appealing way, telling the story of a fictitious couple & their "just friends" relationship. The concept of the need to guard one's heart when it comes to male/female relationships is a good one, but if a reader is looking for a solid, biblical basis for "emotional purity", they will not find it in this book. Also, an entire book was not needed to say, "Guard your heart around the opposite sex, until you meet the one you know you want to marry," and "Don't lead anyone on, if you have no intentions of marrying them." the book is kind of redundant
Emotionally sealed-- but no one can hurt me!.......2006-07-27
The main point of the book is that there should be emotional boundaries, and not just physical boundaries, in any dating type relationship (she extends this into male-female relationships in general, too). This is all well and good. I like to think about it this way (loosely based on something said in "Boy Meets Girl", by Harris): One should not become attached (to one's significant other) at a level not warranted by the amount of commitment expressed in the relationship.
However, the framework in which she presents her thoughts is based on what is in my mind a faulty premise: The male must always take the initiative in any relationship. The impression I got is that she believes it would be sinful for the female to take any sort of initiative.
For example, she starts off the book with a fictional story. Tracy meets Luke and they become friends. Tracy is unsure as to whether they are just friends or are dating. Twice, she talks to her friend Emma about it. Emma says (paraphrase) "Of course he likes you. You just need to wait for him to bring it up, that's all." Of course, at the end of the story, Luke shows up with his new girlfriend. He hadn't been thinking of their relationship in those terms at all.
Miss Paulsen takes this as a starting point to say, "See? It is important to clearly define boundaries in all your relationships." I, on the other hand, would take this example and say, "Look at what horrible advice Emma was giving. Even if Tracy couldn't manage to bring it up herself, that's what a friend of a friend of a friend is for..."
She supports this idea throughout the book with this line of reasoning:
1. A husband-wife relationship is modeled after the relationship between Christ and the church.
2. Christ was the initiator in his relationship with the church.
3. Therefore, the man should be the initiator in any male-female relationship.
The problem with the above syllogism is what is understood by #1. It is certainly the case that marriage is compared to the relationship between Christ and the church (see Eph. 5). But initiation is never mentioned in any comparison in the Bible. For example, never do we hear, "Husbands (and future husbands) you must be the initiator in any prospective relationship, just like Christ took the initiative in His relationship with the church." To say this is to go beyond what God actually told us; it is using the analogy in ways that it may or may not apply.
I think that she allows this idea to cloud her interpretation of the Bible in more obvious ways, too. On page 154, she quotes half of Proverbs 18:22 ("He who finds a wife finds a good thing") and states that because it says the man does the finding, that means the wife is found, and that it is the man who must do the looking, and not the woman (I suppose that in her view in would be wrong for the woman to do any looking). But read the verse again, in its entirety; it doesn't say anything about looking for anything- it says that if you get married, it's a blessing from God:
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord." -- Proverbs 18:22, ESV
It is fine to say "I think that the man should be the initiator"; it is very wrong to say that the Bible says this. It does not.
Not to beat a dead horse, but if her point were true, then how do we explain the book of Ruth? (Hint: Boaz did not take the initiative.)
There is a second line of thinking in the book that I think is almost as bad. I don't quite know what to term it; perhaps you could call it an extreme understanding of the idea of headship. (For example, we are told that as Christ is the head of the Church, so the man is the head of the wife. I'm not sure what exactly that means- I've never heard a good explanation of it. I am, however, quite sure it does not mean this:)
On page 144, she quotes I Cor. 11:3 "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." She says this is evidence that every woman is (or should be) under the authority of a man. So wives are under their husband's authority and daughters are under their father's authority.
I don't know Greek, but Strongs tells me that the Greek word for woman here is "gune" (goo-nay'), and that it means "a woman; specially, a wife:-wife, woman." I take that to mean that it could be wife or woman, depending on the context. Then I looked up the verse in the ESV and found that I'm right- in the ESV the verse is rendered: "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife [1] is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. [1]: Greek gune. This term may refer to a woman or a wife, according to the context." So even if "head" really does mean "has authority over" (very debatable, I think- does it make any sense to say that God has authority over Christ???), this is certainly not proof that all women should be under the authority of a man.
As further proof of this, on page 152, she enlists "my son, give me your heart" (Prov. 23:26) to mean that her father should "have" her heart- I suppose she means something along the lines of she should be, as she says she is elsewhere in the book, "emotionally unavailable" to any potential suitor. There is one big problem with that: he is talking to his son, not his daughter. But even if we pretend it is "daughter" (or "son and daughter") let's look at the entire verse and see what it says:
"My son, give me your heart,
and let your eyes observe [or: delight in] my ways." -- Proverbs 23:26, ESV
I understand this to say, "pay attention to what I'm telling you!" As with many verses in proverbs, the second half of the verse repeats the thought in the first half. This verse has nothing to do with giving your father the "key to your heart" or anything like it.
The logical conclusion of these two ideas is that girls should be living at home, waiting for some guy to find them, at which point they should not act the least bit interested until he has worked things out with her father (in fact, it's best if she doesn't even know that there is an interested party and that he's talking with her father). I'm sure God can do things that way, but still I feel sorry for females that take that route.
Let me repeat that I think her main point of maintaining boundaries in relationships is good (actually it seems like common sense to me). But in my view, relationships are inherently risky- I would even go so far as to say that if you have set your boundaries in a relationship so emotionally distant that you cannot be hurt, then you do not have a meaningful relationship. In trying to avoid the pain of being hurt, I think the author has gone too far. It is trying to sanitize something that will never be entirely sanitary, and trying to define something that will always be mysterious.
"There be three things which are too wonderful for me,
yea, four which I know not:
The way of an eagle in the air;
the way of a serpent upon a rock;
the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and
the way of a man with a maid." -- Proverbs 30:18-19
So I think this book is harmful to the undiscerning reader, and I do not recommend reading it unless you are good at reading things critically.
I apologize for the length of this review, but this book is responsible for a lot of personal anguish. It's been long enough now that I think I am able to review it fairly.
(This review was originally posted on my blog, which, should you wish to read in its unedited form, you can probably find if you are good with Google.)
Five Stars for the Message.......2006-06-24
It has been said that whenever possible Christians should learn by discernment rather than through experience. The application of the wise advice given in Emotional Purity (Heather Arnel Paulsen, Winepress Publishing) has potential to save young people many painful experiences.
I have no qualifications or accomplishments to write a book on the subject of dating relationships, but if I did, this would be the book I would write. I have never written or posted on the subject before, and I probably will not again, but this book is worth noting.
Heather's main argument is that the Christian culture has often emphasized the value of physical purity to such an extent that the pitfalls of emotional intimacy often go unnoticed. "Above all guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." Heather paints familiar pictures of close friendships between young men and women that have involved incredible amounts of time and emotional energy only to end in disappointment and painful separation. "The way I see it," Heather writes, "when we have emotionally intimate male-female relationships without commitment what we end up with is emotional fornication."
Although the phrase emotional abstinence may sound stifling, the picture that Heather paints is in fact quite freeing. Commiting to emotional abstinence offers the freedom of protection. Emotional abstinence prior to marriage provides room for treasured emotional intimacy within marriage.
Her advice? Heather encourages her reader to build relationships of trust within the family. She especially emphasizes the importance of the relationship between a father and a daughter. She encourages young women to be under authority and to allow the total involvement of the family in the process toward marriage. Heather advocates that women avoid emotional intimacy with a man until the man has been questioned and approved by the girl's father. The vulnerability on the part of the man to initiate his relationship with a girl by going to her father is a sign of the sacrificial leadership needed within marriage.
The rewards of obedience are experienced only by those who obey. This book is countercultural, to say the least. Wisdom is known by her children.
(As another reviewer of this book has said, "Paulsen`s style is not always polished [or well-edited] and her examples are not perfectly written, but her love for God and His Word is obvious, and that love clearly comes forth in her first book.")
One of relationship/friendship books for singles .......2005-08-22
I have heard of this book before buy one. This is one of best books I have read. It has many good advices and gives examples how to make right choice for your life and your spouse. For me, I never have a real Christian boyfriend. I know God has a husband for me. Soon we'll meet someday.
Customer Reviews:
If you can only read one, this is the one!.......2006-08-09
Kiekegaard offers the "one thing" (see City Slickers).
Relentless.......2006-03-13
Coming from a reformed Christian perspective with very little exposure to Kierkegaard, I was sometimes puzzled by this book but mostly challenged in my spiritual life, relentlessly so. This book made Puritan introspection seem comparatively shallow. If you are looking for extreme depth, you've got it here. He is exploring the idea of double-mindedness found in book of James to prepare the Christian for confession. This work asks questions you may have never thought to ask. Of course he is trying to get the individual to spiritually be laid bare before God in his double-mindedness. Is the work without hope since it should drive the honest person to despair in his own heart's purity? I don't believe the book is without hope. Christ is in there a few times in direct reference, but mostly assumed or implied..in the gaping hole created by our ties to the temporal and lack of eternal-mindedness and inability to truly will one thing. As spiritual shock-therapy, it works for me. It is my second read, the first being in college nearly 20 years ago. Had a similar effect then, but it is still the only Kierkegaard book I've ever read.
woody allen?.......2005-02-13
I'm dumbfounded that "rob" compared Kierkegaard with Woody Allen. Purity of Heart is all about the purpose and MEANING of existence. It's about reconciliation to the eternal. Woody Allen has no knowledge of the eternal. He's a silly little pundit using philosophy as a means to distract him from utter boredom and complacency. In his films he may drop references and allude to Sartre, Heidegger, Camu and the rest of the existentialists--but that's all he does. He's a geek for philosophy. He doesn't expound upon what they have said. He doesn't challenge them. He just collects their ideas and spreads them out on a table to gaze at. Kierkegaard is much different.
A Cut to the Heart.......2000-04-15
Kierkegaard's Purity of Heart is one of his most accessible works. Like in Sickness Unto Death, Purity of Heart cuts to the heart. Through irony, dialogue, and parable, Soren slices through the masks and fascades we construct that delude us into thinking that all is well with our soul. With the skill and precision of a surgeon's hand, Kierkegaard opens up the true condition of our motivations in life and faith. Kierkegaard is not afraid to stare in the face the dark side of our humanity. In Purity of Heart we see that only through this brutal honesty can we become our true selves and find healing. Kierkegaard boldly asserts that only by joining with providence and the Great Physician's hand can we "will one thing"--the good. The good is all that is true, eternal, and authentic. The good is all that comes from God. Scant writers this day in age know the human condition more intimately than the great Danish theologian/philosopher. Come and join Kierkegaard and take the leap of faith!
Meditations on Confessing Real Existence.......2000-02-27
This work aims at preparing the reader to enter into the "office of confession," and probes deeply into the inner motivations for choosing to become an authentic self. Considered a classic of devotional literature, it sometimes reads obscurely (e.g., the "Good" is never really defined), yet at other times is radiantly clear (e.g., on the call to live self-consciously and with responsibility). As with all of SK's non-psuedonymous works, "Purity of Heart" makes for worthy reading which will provoke and challenge you.
Average customer rating:
- a good introduction
- "Anyone who looks on a woman lustfully..."
- A "must-have" primary source for Catholic Studies reference
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Purity of Heart: Reflections on Lust and Love
Sam Torode
Manufacturer: Philokalia Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
 Catholic
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Theology Of The Body For Beginners
ASIN: 0972535829 |
Customer Reviews:
a good introduction.......2006-02-11
Having read John Paul II's Theology of the Body, I found this a quick summary that is incredibly more readable. Not that I would not recommend reading TOB, but if you want to introduce someone to this topic without overwhelming them completely, this is a great series. I think it is key to remember the title of this book with an emphasis on "reflections on lust and love" because it is not the sort of book you pick up and read through (although you could). It is better to read a chapter (they are only about a page or two each) and reflect upon it. You will get much more out of the book this way.
"Anyone who looks on a woman lustfully...".......2006-02-07
Purity of Heart deals with Cycle 2 of John Paul II's Theology of the Body which covers Historical Man, or man after the Fall. The book is relatively short at 80 pages and is broken up into chapters of about 2 pages each.
The first part of the book is based on Jesus' teaching in the Sermon on the Mount where he says anyone who looks lustfully at another has already committed adultery. The second part gets more into quotes from Paul's letters. Topics covered include lust, following the spirit of the law rather than just following it legalistically, and valuing and honoring the body.
I thought the chapters near the end of the book on the artistic representation of the body were quite interesting. There is a fine and complicated moral line between an artistic, dignified representation of the body and pornography.
I think it would be best to read a chapter or two from this book and then meditate on them rather than reading a bunch of chapters at a time. While Purity of Heart doesn't get into the fine details of the Theology of the Body, it is a good introduction to Cycle 2 of the talks. If you are trying to share the Theology of the Body with someone, it might be better to share Torode's books (like this book, Purity of Heart) rather than the original talks or West's commentary, which are both pretty detailed.
A "must-have" primary source for Catholic Studies reference .......2004-11-05
Purity of Heart: Reflections on Love and Lust is the second book of a four-part series, "Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body in Simple Language." These transcribe a series of the pope's fifteen-minute talks, given from 1979 to 1984, which draw upon the Bible to offer an antithesis to the "sexual revolution." Stressing that true Christianity aims to redeem sexuality, not repress it, Purity of Heart points the way to redemption of the body through Jesus Christ, warns against "legalized sin" and the slippery slope of ignoring or minimizing the repercussions of adultery, the importance of honoring the body, the task of building a culture of purity, and much more. Each vignette is brief yet directly cuts to the quick of John Paul's philosophy and understanding. An absolute "must-have" primary source for Catholic Studies reference and resource shelves.
Average customer rating:
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Seeking purity of heart: The gift of ourselves to God
Joseph Breault
Manufacturer: Living Flame Press
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Binding: Unknown Binding
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ASIN: 0914544071 |
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