The Parenthood Decision

Average customer rating:

Off the fence and made a decision

The Dark, Gritty, worst-case-scenario Side of Parenting

Informative

The author was quite biased and didn't think about the issue deeply enough

So glad I read it.

The Parenthood Decision
Beverly Mfcc Engel
Manufacturer: Main Street Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Marriage & Family | Sociology | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books
General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
General | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

Do I Want to Be A Mom? : A Woman's Guide to the Decision of a Lifetime

Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a Life Without Children

Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth About Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives

I Want A Baby, He Doesn't: How Both Partners Can Make The Right Decision At The Right Time

Don't You Dare Have Kids Until You Read This! : The Book of Questions for Parents-to-Be

ASIN: 0385489803
Release Date: 1998-05-18

Amazon.com

Deciding whether or not to become a parent (and if so, when and how) is one of life's biggest decisions. For some people, the choice to have a child is intuitive--something they've always known they would do. Nonetheless, questions arise for them. How can I know if the time is right? What are my real reasons for wanting a child? Are my motivations questionable? For others, the question is whether or not to have a child at all. What if I want to parent and my partner does not? Am I capable of being a good parent? Is my partner? What about money issues? In The Parenthood Decision: Discovering Whether You Are Ready and Willing to Become a Parent, Beverly Engel, a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor and bestselling author (The Right to Innocence and Beyond the Birds and the Bees), takes a look at all the issues potential parents face, posits important questions, and leads readers who are struggling with a variety of dilemmas through compassionate and thoughtful decision-making exercises. Engel realizes that her soul-searching process may lead to the conclusion to wait or remain childless, and she fully supports this option, stating, "You owe it to yourself, your partner if you have one, and especially to your future baby to make your decision based on reality, not fantasy." --Ericka Lutz

Book Description

We are living in a time when baby showers are the most popular kind of party and when TV and movies abound with adorable babies and darling toddlers selling everything from soap to toilet paper. In this "baby-friendly" environment, is it any wonder that more and more people are considering becoming parents?

Most people realize, however, that just wanting a baby doesn't mean you are physically, mentally, or emotionally prepared to have one. Nor does the desire to have a baby necessarily mean you will be a good parent.

The Parenthood Decision will help potential parents resolve their conflicts about this major decision. Here, Beverly Engel helps readers find their own answers to questions such as: "Am I ready to be a parent?" "What should I do if I am ready and my partner is not?" "Will I be a better parent than my parents?" "How will having a baby affect my relationship?" "What are the mistakes I am most likely to make and how can I avoid them?" "Should I have a baby on my own?" By presenting important information, posing thought-provoking questions and providing exercises, Engel helps both those who are unclear whether this is the right time for them to become parents and those who are undecided about whether parenthood is right for them.

Armed with the self-knowledge The Parenthood Decision provides, readers will finish the book confident in their potential-parenthood decision.

Customer Reviews:

Off the fence and made a decision.......2007-04-25

This book helped me tremendously in answering the question, "do I want to have a child"? I read all of the pros and cons listed in the book, many of which were already known to me but nonetheless helpful to read about. After careful thought, I have decided that I am NOT ready to be a parent. Furthermore, I made the decision that I am better off living a child-free lifestyle. I am happy with this choice, and grateful to the author for helping me to make it.

The Dark, Gritty, worst-case-scenario Side of Parenting.......2007-04-10

If you're looking for grim stark realities of parenthood, this is the book for you. This can be a very helpful exploration when groping blindly for a decision. However, readers should know that Ms. Engel magnifies and exaggerates the hardest parts of parenting while blythely brushing over it's joys and wonders. She does present some very good ideas to think about and consider as well as paints a vivid picture of what the transition to parenthood can be like.
Most irritatingly, she is constantly siting "research shows" but hardly ever names the research she is referring to, choosing only to site two works: The Transition to Parenthood and The Motherhood Report. Two papers, in my opinion, does not a case make.
Probably a good book to read when your going through the process but don't give it to your partner if he or she doesn't want kids.

Informative.......2007-01-09

I bought this book before marrying a man who had two children and had been through a nasty divorce. As a result, he didn't want more children. This book along with step mothering books was informative and helpful in giving me insight into myself and whether or not I could live without children of my own.

The author was quite biased and didn't think about the issue deeply enough.......2006-11-28

I read this book when I was trying to make a decision about whether or not to have kids, and it did not help me at all. I found that she did not give very many reasons why one would *want* children. She only gave reasons for why one wouldn't want children. I think it was because she had not reflected on the question enough. Reflecting on this now, I think one great reason is a spiritual one: you want to pass your values down to your children as part of the greater goal of the development of humanity.

So glad I read it........2006-08-31

This book made me realize my decision to not have children was not only right, but was the lifestyle choice for me. It ultimately let to my divorce, but I would have led many unhappy years with my husband. Now we are good friends and can go on with the futures that we both wanted.

Do I Want to Be A Mom? : A Woman's Guide to the Decision of a Lifetime

Average customer rating:

Good book
Very Objective
Reiterates dilemmas, but doesn't provide insightful answers
Too Basic
Interesting but lacks depth

Do I Want to Be A Mom? : A Woman's Guide to the Decision of a Lifetime
Diana L. Dell , and Suzan Erem
Manufacturer: McGraw-Hill
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

Motherhood | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

All Amazon Upgrade | Amazon Upgrade | Stores | Books

Health, Mind & Body | Amazon Upgrade | Stores | Books

Nonfiction | Amazon Upgrade | Stores | Books

Parenting & Families | Amazon Upgrade | Stores | Books
Similar Items:

Accessories:

Health o Meter HDC100-01 "Grow with Me" Teddy Bear Scale for Babies and Toddlers

ASIN: 0071400745

Book Description

An informative, compassionate guide to the motherhood decision

"...give(s) a sense of what's ahead for new parents." --Baltimore Sun

Many women aren't sure how to best time motherhood in their lives. Others think they may want a child but aren't sure they really want to take on the responsibility. Still others want to be child-free, but they are afraid they will regret the decision later on when it's too late. Do I Want to Be a Mom? offers expert information, insights, and tools necessary for each woman to make her own best choice.

Dr. Diana Dell, an expert who is board certified in both obstetrics/gynecology and psychiatry, draws on her expertise to cover the emotional, physical, sexual, social, and financial aspects of this decision. Along with award-winning writer Suzan Erem, she also provides powerful anecdotes from women who speak openly of the fears, joys, regrets, and triumphs of motherhood or being child-free.

Customer Reviews:

Good book.......2007-03-16

It may be somewhat basic, but this book is about helping you open your mind and it allows you to explore the choice of having a child. I feel it doesn't go into a lot of detail because the author didn't want to pressure the choice in either direction. It makes you look at women differently. Makes you wonder how they made up their mind about becoming a mom or not. I think it helps to talk in person to women about things. And reading this book has made me want to talk more openly about this huge choice.

Very Objective.......2007-01-09

It definitely addressed all the questions floating through my head about whether or not I want to change my life. The only aspect that I didn't care for is that it made termination of the pregnancy such a open choice - I would have preferred a Christian author so that wasn't a factor of discussion.

The outline of the book was also helpful because you could skip the chapters that didn't apply to you and not feel like you were missing anything.

Reiterates dilemmas, but doesn't provide insightful answers.......2005-01-05

Very disappointing, no substance, mostly full of quotes from individuals who are not very illuminating either. If you just want to know that you are in good company with your indecision, this book if fine. If you would like it to provide you with answers (as the title suggests) or assist you with your decision, it's not worth your time or money.

Too Basic .......2004-12-03

I was looking to read something that would really stimulate my thinking and allow me to think about this topic in a new way, with the hope that I could come to some answers for myself. What I got was a very cursory overview of many potentially relevant aspects of this topic with nothing I could really "sink my teeth into." To give you an idea about how basic the material is, I was able to read the whole thing in one sitting in bed one night before going to sleep. Overall not very useful and I would not buy this book again.

Interesting but lacks depth.......2004-05-19

While this book contains a wide range of topics of interest to those considering parenthood, it doesn't cover these topics with very much detail. I would have found it more helpful if the stories of the women interviewed had been longer than a paragraph apiece. Overall, this book is useful in that it brings up many important issues for consideration, but in my opinion, it served only as a "springboard" for further research.

Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth About Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives

Average customer rating:

The pro side does not paint a happy picture
Still confused
On Topic, Candid, Beautifully Written. Makes me wish I had writers as friends...
excellent read!!
depressingly enlightening

Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth About Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives
Lori Leibovich
Manufacturer: HarperCollins
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Essays | Literature & Fiction | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

Fertility | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

Accessories:

ASIN: 0060737816
Release Date: 2006-03-28

Book Description

To breed or not to breed? That is the question twenty-eight accomplished writers—including Anne Lamott, Rick Moody, Kathryn Harrison, and Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez—ponder in this collection of provocative, honest, and deeply personal essays. Based on a popular series at Salon.com, Maybe Baby features parents and nonparents alike exploring how and why they decided whether to have children.

This powerful collection offers both frank and nuanced looks at those choices, both alternative and traditional, from a wide range of viewpoints. From abortion to adoption, from ambivalence to baby lust, from single parenting to searching for the right partner to have a baby with, Maybe Baby brings together the full force of opinions about this national—but also intensely personal—debate.

Customer Reviews:

The pro side does not paint a happy picture.......2007-07-05

I bought this book because I'm on the fence and leaning towards no kids. Without friends and family with small children I wanted to read about how children could enrich your lives or things you might get out of having them so I liked the idea of a book that presented several angles on whether to take the plunge. On the whole, I found the pro side of the book very disheartening. Most of the writers seemed to talk about how hard things were, what an ordeal having children was, etc. There was very little joy and happiness represented. A fascinating read but not as balanced as I would have liked.

Still confused.......2007-06-23

This just wasn't the book for me. Maybe it was because it was filled with stories by writers that I couldn't easily relate to (one who decides to become sterilized at 30, one who is bipolar, one who is in jail, one who gets pregnant by a man in jail, etc etc.). I'm not judging these people, but I don't feel like they reflect the norm. I also feel like the authors didn't make a strong case for the category they fell into (yes, no or uncertain). So for me personally, it did not help solve my "maybe baby" dilemma.

On Topic, Candid, Beautifully Written. Makes me wish I had writers as friends..........2007-01-20

Having a child is a huge decision, and yet there is little candid discussion about it in society, so this book is a great contribution. All of the essays are incredibly well written, and very honest. If this is a subject that interests you, you may well read it in one sitting. (I did.)

The book also aims to expore a wide diversity of experiences and feelings on the subject. The gamut includes: 1) a rather shocking essay from a feminist professor who intentionally gets her tubes tied when quite young, seemingly to make a statement; 2) an essay from a Latina woman whose child struggles with a diagnosis of autism, and her subsequent inability to accept the diagnosis; 3) genuinely funny essays, covering everything from the (entertaining) reasons certain people never got around to having kids, to the joys of roadtrips with them.

excellent read!!.......2006-10-30

I totally agree with "gensparkie"'s review. This book is excellently written, conveys tremendous honesty, and shows a huge diversity of thinking on the issue of having kids. Best book on this issue I have ever read.

depressingly enlightening.......2006-09-20

I find this book fascinating for many reasons. My wife and I have just decided to have a baby, and I had read excerpts on salon before the book itself. I found myself agreeing with many of the sentiments expressed. In the decision, I found myself trapped by my own selfishness, and found that mirrored in many of the essays. But I thought: what if my parents had been this selfish? What if all they were concerned about was the mess their kids would turn their house into? The loss of free time? To be honest, I was very concerned that I wasn't "cut out" for parenthood - but reading these essays, I came to grips with my selfishness, and realized there's more to life than me.

Average customer rating:

will help you decide

Fertility | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

ASIN: B000MG1Z7O

Customer Reviews:

will help you decide.......2007-07-11

Maybe Baby is a series of essays from adults on the subject of having a child. The first third of the book is from adults who decided not to have children. The second half is from adults who would like to have children or are undecided, but haven't yet. The third is about adults who did have children. I'm not sure how I felt about the book being grouped in this way because it made it very clear what the theme of the story would be, rather than letting each story tell itself. Other than this fact, I found the book very enjoyable. The stories represent a great deal of diversity, from gay parents, parents of Asperger's Syndrome children, adopting parents, teen parents. Of course, there were many stories from people who were not parents as well, and they also ranged in their diversity. Both men and women wrote essays in this book, which surprised and pleased me. On one hand, I think it is different to be a father than a mother - it is a very different thing to decide to carry a child in your womb than for someone else to do it. On the other hand, I am sure men will be interested in this subject and would appreciate their perspective being included.

If you are ambivalent about having a child, this book will help. Oddly enough, I am still ambivalent but I am now quite sure that I do not want to NOT have children. Now, it is only a matter of deciding WHEN I will have children. If you read this book, you will find sections that resonate with you. Perhaps if you would like to be childless, the first third will really resonate and you will feel confirmed in your convictions. For me, I realized that I did not want to be childless and I hadn't felt the feelings expressed in that section of the book. But I could really understand the fear and uncertainty of the undecided, and definitely some of the parenting stories both scared me and soothed me.

All the stories are written by professional writers. For sure, this changes their perspective on life. Many of them are able to work from home or have flexible work to be with their children more. Unfortunately, this does affect the perspective. If only there was some way to capture the perspective of someone more like me (with a time-consuming business career), but someone like me would probably not have the skill or time to invest in writing essays for Salon.

Average customer rating:

Great study but a bit overpriced
A very enjoyable read
A rare and vital resource
From Population and Development Review

The Chosen Lives of Childfree Men
Patricia Lunneborg
Manufacturer: Bergin & Garvey
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

General | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

All Titles | Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007 | Stores | Books
Similar Items:

ASIN: 0897895983

Book Description

More and more couples are choosing not to have children. While much attention has been paid to this trend from a woman's point of view, men are often seen as having a secondary role in this choice, as ready to accept whatever their partners decide. In an age when men are expected to be caregivers as well as breadwinners and encouraged to take on more parental responsibilities, this volume argues that they need to be active participants in this crucial, life-altering decision. Based on in-depth interviews with 30 American and British childless men, this is the first book to explore the motives and consequences of voluntary childlessness from a man's perspective. The interviewees explain the reasons for their choice and explore its impact on their freedom, relationships, job opportunities, and finances. They also discuss their mixed feelings, their family background, and their concern over the world's ever-growing population. The picture that emerges challenges the stereotype of men who decide against parenthood as immature, selfish, and irresponsible. Although each man provides several reasons, the author identifies nine main types of childfree men, including workaholics, lifelong learners, early retirees, stress reducers, and men who don't want to repeat the mistakes of their parents.

Customer Reviews:

Great study but a bit overpriced.......2007-08-13

I liked her study and she really knows her stuff, and it is nice to hear the male perspective on choosing not to have children. It seems a little expensive though compared to the other book I bought on the subject.

A very enjoyable read.......2004-07-03

I waited on whether or not to get this book as the price is way too high. I found it on half.com for nearly half the price. Anyway, I am very glad that I made the purchase. I am 29 years old now and I have known for a long time (over 10 years now) that I was not someone who wanted kids. It was so refreshing to read the stories of other guys and why they did what they did. I feel like an outcast so much of the time because of my decision, but reading this book made me feel like I was perfectly justified in my feelings. These men have so much going on in their lives! They keep busy, yet they are able to drop any of the activities and just chill out and enjoy some quiet time if they want. They are flexible, less stressed-out, and have more time and money for their own personal hobbies and interests. I wish there were more books on this taboo subject as I feel that men get the raw deal when it comes to decision making in a marriage/relationship. Too often we are passed over as just breadwinner and nothing else. We have visions of what will make our life positive as well, and a lot of the time, most of the time, it gets overshadowed by what the woman in the relationship wants. I really recommend this book to anyone, especially men who are interested in why this child-free choice is a good one.

A rare and vital resource.......2004-02-18

This book is possibly the only one of its sort currently in print. As a voluntarily nulliparous heterosexual female, this book provided an important source of information for me regarding how men make and live the decision not to have children. Such information about men's reproductive choices, and the thought that they have put into those choices is far from easy to find.

This book is done in a "stories of the persons" style with men having similar reasons being grouped by chapters. The author provides some basic, yet extremely valuable, insight into what the roles of men are becoming in reproduction and child rearing in the western world and the clearly demonstrates why some men are making the choice not to have children at all.

Lunneborg occasionally points out some differences between men and women as they go through this decision making process. This is, in my opinion, one of the most valuable contributions of this book because the question of children is viewed predominantly as being the prerogative of females. The men interviewed often seemed to have reasons that appeared different from women's on the surface but were, at the core, similar desires.

This is a valuable book, a resource for finding the opinions of others like oneself if one is considering living a childfree life. It could also be a instructive work for those who want to understand the choice. For those persons, I cannot see how one could read this book and still maintain the stereotype that the childfree are immature, selfish, or have been so impulsive to have given only momentary thought to a choice far less life altering than the decision (usually by default!!) of having a child.

From Population and Development Review.......2001-01-09

"The results [of this book] hold substantial interest, for they tell us not only about men's experiences of childlessness, but also about the great gap between the experiences of 'childfree' men and women. . . . For the social scientist the study provides an eye-opening look at an underexamined subject and suggests a wealth of hypotheses to guide future research."

Book Description

It happens all too often: A couple falls in love, gets married, buys a home, and then-after the fact-they discuss having a baby. At first he skirts the issue, and she knows from his body language that something is wrong; she confronts him and, lo and behold, he says the words that cause the biggest challenge their relationship has ever faced: "I'm just not ready." Maybe he doesn't know if he'll ever be ready.

If you are in this situation-or fear you could be sometime in the near future-I Want a Baby, He Doesn't has the answers. Author Donna J. Wade-a woman who has been through the trials of wanting to have children with a husband who didn't-and Liberty Kovacs, a licensed marital therapist, offer unbiased, clinical advice to help you and your partner reach the best possible resolution without destroying your relationship.

Whether a baby is in your future or not, I Want a Baby, He Doesn't is the one book you need to help you and your partner work out the issues and keep your relationship intact.

Customer Reviews:

Good Resource.......2007-08-21

I like that this book covers the whole spectrum. It's not just about convincing him to do what I want.

Average customer rating:

The Baby Decision

Manufacturer: Rawson Assoc
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
ASIN: 0892561750

A baby? ... Maybe: A guide to making the most fateful decision of your life

Average customer rating:

Well-rounded and useful
Excellent guide

A baby? ... Maybe: A guide to making the most fateful decision of your life
Elizabeth M Whelan
Manufacturer: Bobbs-Merrill
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

ASIN: 0672526298

Customer Reviews:

Well-rounded and useful.......2006-06-10

In making my own decision about whether to become a parent, I have read many books on the subject. Most are biased, too narrowly focused, or simply devoid of original information.

This one, although over 30 years old, is by far the best: it offers a multi-dimensional look at the drawbacks and rewards of both paths. Of course a book can't make the decision for you, but this one helps provide the tools for decision making, and presents them in a truly neutral voice that is far ahead of its time.

Excellent guide.......2005-03-30

This landmark book introduced the idea that having children ought to be something we think deeply about. It guided me many years ago in making that most fateful decision not to have children. It was Whelan who offered this simple, but invaluable bit of advice: Remember that whichever decision you make--to have children or not--you must always expect moments in the future when you will wonder if you made the right decision. This book should be required reading of anyone of child-bearing age. Child bearing and child rearing should be a matter of choice, not of obligation. Whelan argues and illustrates this idea well.

Making Care Work: Employed Mothers in the New Childcare Market

Average customer rating:

Making Care Work: Employed Mothers in the New Childcare Market
Lynet Uttal
Manufacturer: Rutgers University Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Workplace | Organizational Behavior | Business & Investing | Subjects | Books

General | Women's Studies | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

Child Care | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Accessories:

Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer

ASIN: 081353111X

The Baby Decision: How to Make the Most Important Choice of Your Life

Average customer rating:

excellent
Helpful in making one of life's most difficult decisions

The Baby Decision: How to Make the Most Important Choice of Your Life
Merle Bombardieri
Manufacturer: Rawson Assoc
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

Customer Reviews:

excellent.......2001-10-22

I've recommended this book to numerous people, all of whom have found it really helpful. I also read it myself before deciding whether to have a child.

Helpful in making one of life's most difficult decisions.......1998-01-21

This book continues to be a great reference for me! Through the years, I have read and re-read parts of this book in helping to maintain my resolve to remain childless. An excellent step-by-step guide to making a very difficult decision. A treasured selection in my home library.

Books:

Books Index

Books Home

Recommended Books