Amazon.com
Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce. The Sandcastles workshop--now mandatory in over a dozen counties throughout the United States--is a half-day group session for children of divorce between the ages of 6 and 17. This intensive workshop helps kids open up and deal with their feelings through drawings, games, poetry, role playing, and other activities. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce details many of the workshop exercises, all designed to increase communication, understanding, and togetherness between parents and kids. The book is also packed full of suggestions on everything from the best way to break the divorce news to a child (it differs according to age group) to facing the holidays, visitation, custody arrangements, anger, discipline, co-parenting, single parenting, overcompensation, sorrow, custody fights, and much more.
Author Gary Neuman never patronizes or preaches, and although he is technically a child advocate, he proves himself to be an advocate of every member of the divorcing family. Neuman takes a hands-on approach and believes that children need not be permanently scarred by divorce--that with work and time, divorce can actually become a positive force for change. A powerful tool for protecting children caught amid parental struggles, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce should be required reading in all divorcing families. --Ericka Lutz
Book Description
Divorce is painful and confusing. Perhaps now more than ever, you want to give your child all the love, support, and guidance he or she needs, but everything seems harder and more complicated.
Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way can help. Based on Gary Neuman's phenomenally successful Sandcastles program, which has helped more than fifty thousand children cope with divorce, this warm, empathetic guide shows you:
How to build a co-parenting relationship--even when you think you can't
When you or your child should see a therapist
Age-appropriate scripts for addressing sensitive issues
What to do when a parent moves away
How to stop fighting with your ex-spouse
How to navigate the emotional turmoil of custody and visitation
How to help your child deal with change
How to cope with kids' common fears about separation
How to introduce significant others into the family and help your child cope with a new stepfamily
More than a hundred pieces of artwork from children of divorce will help you appreciate how kids perceive the experience. Dozens of special activities and fun exercises will help you communicate and get closer to your child. This guide shows you that divorce need not be an inevitable blot on children's lives, but an opportunity for them to grow and strengthen the bonds with their parents.
Customer Reviews:
Kids and divorce.......2007-10-16
Some great advice for parents who are going through a divorce. Wish I had had it when I went through my divorce.
This is the one!.......2007-10-10
Forget any other book (and believe me I went through a lot of them)!
G. Neuman helps you in very warm and positive way (and isn't what you need right now?), to understand the development stages your children are at, how divorce can affect them and most important how to help them. I have 3 children and it was so important for me to go to what is specific to their ages. I love all the little tools you can use to see where your child is at.
Should be required reading for all children whose parents are going through a divorce.......2007-05-01
If you are going through a divorce and have small children, this book is for you. Children often cannot express their feelings about divorce. They tend to blame themselves or one of their parents. If children are not allowed to express themselves and the feelings they have about their parents divorce are suppressed, deep seated anger brews inside them. Read this book with your kids. It will help them cope with their feelings and learn to accept the divorce.
Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce
this book is trash.......2007-04-14
the section on toddlers is written entirely from the female perspective assuming that the female actually cares and gets the child.
I am a father and have custody and think that this book is garbage for all those dads out there that have their loved one.
Great Book!.......2007-01-05
This is the type of book that once you start, you can't put it away. Very interesting and profund.
Book Description
Advice for parents and professionals. Covers death, divorce, illness, and other challenges.
Customer Reviews:
Truly excellent book I keep handy.......2006-11-23
I bought this book initially because I was adopting foster children and I wanted to help them with their loss issues. But then as I read it, I realized it applies to helping any child who has to face significant losses. I wish my brother had this book when he got divorced, maybe he could have understood and helped his children when their schoolwork plummetted and they became depressed. It helps you understand about childhood grief and how to aid the child in coping with it. I have referred to it many times and bought copies for my friends, too.
A Classic.......2003-05-16
This book is often recommended for people adopting older children. However, it is a beautifully written book, and easy to read. It has information on how to help children with all sorts of changes, permanent (like a death), and temporary, like a parent going overseas for the military. The book helps adults understand what is going on for the child, and how to help them better with their sadness, anager and aggression.
Amazon.com
Vicki Lansky's Divorce Book for Parents is a pragmatic yet warm and understanding guide for parents and children on just about every aspect of divorce. From tips on talking to the kids about it, to information on negotiating the realities of custody and child support, Lansky demystifies the divorce process, including the emotional aspects. A parenting writer of many books (Feed Me, I'm Yours), Lansky is also a divorced, single mother. Her combination of information, humor, and compassion make the Divorce Book for Parents a valuable resource.
Customer Reviews:
For Women Only.......2001-04-13
I purchased this book for my friend to help him understand what his kids were going through and help him learn to deal with a bitter ex-wife. I thought the book would offer solutions to co-parenting issues or offer advise on how to work with a less-than-amicable former spouse. Instead, this book focussed on women who were dealing with deliquent husbands - how to make them pay, how to keep them involved, etc. It would have been more helpful to additionally offer advise on how to make her share the kids, how to make her co-parent with him, how help her move beyond the fight of the parents to the health of the children. I know the roles can be reversed in either case, but the author obviously felt that women were more likely to nurture the children. This, unfortunately, is not always the case.
great practical advice.......2000-01-15
There were so many great common sense pieces of advice..lots of good stories that let you know, others have been through this..I read this book 5 years ago when going through a divorce..with lots of hard work, my ex an I have avoided the pitfalls of beating each other with our child...We have remained parents together...
This book was a help!
Need Help? Advice? Encouragement? Guidance? READ THIS BOOK!.......1999-12-15
This book can do wonders. It covers so much ground in a clear, concise manner. Every paragraph or two provided either insight, encouragement or advice. I bought other books on the subject of divorce and children, but nothing compares to this book. You can look for other books, but this is all you will need. The only exception, is the campanion book written by Lansky, "It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear" Another must for those parents with young children. Both books will serve parents well. If your Ex is difficult to deal with, get this book for them. It can help defuse situations and refocus them to do the right things for the child(ren) they love.
A tremendous resource for explaining divorce to kids.............1998-06-12
This book was (and is) of tremendous help to me and my ex-husband in explaining our pending divorce and separation to our children. I cannot stress enough how useful this one little book was. It was the first and only book that I found that in clear and concise terms addressed what the children at various ages "hear" when you say, "Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce." I cannot recommend this book highly enough. If you are in a (admittedly sad) situation where you are about to separate and need to know how to discuss it effectively with your children, this is the book for you!
Book Description
Named One of the 10 Best Parenting Books of the Year by Child Magazine, this revised edition teaches you to minimize stress during initial breakups and ultimate separation, explain divorce so children don't blame themselves, protect children from parental hostilities, and navigate conflicts of loyalty and alliance.
Customer Reviews:
Most Important Book for Divorced Parents.......2006-04-24
Should be required reading for all parents going through a divorce. This book really puts the kids first, and discusses how children of varying ages will react differently to divorce. It gives the absolute best advice for keeping your children healthy both during and after of a divorce. I send this book to all my friends who are contemplating or experiencing a divorce.
this book is the best........2002-03-05
I have many problems with the divorce I started 6 years ago. The statistical information, research, details, and background information of what divorce does to families is very helpful. The way these are helpful to me is that they show what the results have been with many of the particular choices that divorces have raised in the past, and what current trends in these are showing.
The descriptions that are given about what feelings children endure are gripping. I came to truly understand what our three have had to bury in their beings. Now, before its too late, however, I have unique insight that will enable me to help them --hopefully with their father.
I cannot write too much about the value of knowing what divorce does to children, how to help them heal, how to take charge of the situation that seems hopeless, and what to NOT do.
...Tanya Hogan
Really does help.......2000-05-10
I realy enjoyed reading this book because it made sence and it helped me. Not only did it help me cope with my child,but also with the father of my child. We came to an understanding for the sake of the child. I highly recommend this book to whomever that are going through a divorce.
Book Description
How can children successfully survive the trauma of divorce? In friendly, heart-to-heart language, Archibald Hart offers divorced parents specific ways to help children cope with the psychological and social damage that comes with divorce.
Customer Reviews:
Helping Children Survive Divorce.......2006-08-05
This book is proving to be qute beneficial in helping our son's interaction with his two 11 and 15-year old sons during his divorce proceedings.
Shaming, condescending, unbalanced.......2005-11-24
I don't know where to start. My soon-to-be exhusband and I just threw the thing in the trash. This book takes a very old-fashioned stance against divorce - it is not acceptable and you only deserve credit if you are being abandoned by your spouse. You are sentencing your child to a "forever funeral" and virtually reserving them a place in society as a hardened criminal. oh brother.
Excellent Work.......2005-04-26
Ann Milner's review (below) is just, well, strange. Dr. Hart does not blame absent fathers. Instead, his point is one of what he says is a critical factor in helping children through divorce: consistency. Whenever possible, maintaining relationships, friendships, etc, is a key in helping children through this traumatic time. Clearly, Ann missed the context.
This is a hugely helpful book. I read it as part of a required text in a Master's counseling class. As a child of divorce (years ago), I wish this book had been around for my parents. It was healing, even for me, years later.
Getting a divorce? Have children? This should be required reading.
hit home like a sock in the jaw.......2000-10-05
granted, not every syllable hit me-no book will do that. but i really wish i had this book-or that this was out-when i was a lot younger. having been through three divorces by the time i was 15 (my mom being the main person) i feel that it has royally affected me, to the point that in my adulthood i act some of these things out. every single topic here i've experienced-from depression to anxiety to self-esteem issues. my feelings were never considered as far as arguments being in front of me, my isolation in my room for days sometimes(i was a good boy because i was in my room always doing stuff, or outside playing-alone. yeah, sure, that's healthy), my sadness, and the topper: the attitude of 'never mind your feelings-what about mine?'-being used as the sanctuary from the storm. granted, it is better for kids to not see their parents in constant negativity and conflict, so in that sense okay. but most divorces are hostile and the child's feelings are never considered. and yes, we carry on what we see to our adulthood-we do have memories. i feel that the reason i choose the wrong person in relationships is that i choose what i'm used 2, and it's not the divorces themselves but the attitudes that i had to live with all my life-it's what you are used 2. i have plenty of memories i'd love to delete from the harddrive inside my skull. message to couples on the borderline of their relationship: check your egos at the door, consider how your behavior is affecting your kids and change it-now! -if necessary, and consider how your attitudes will affect your kids 4 the rest of their lives.
Remember the rule about assuming?.......2000-08-04
I had to mark "one star" since the reviewing system wouldn't allow me to give "zero stars". I was very disappointed to see that someone supposedly very educated would assume that the "absent father was the culprit." (see pages 91-92) Did he ever consider that there are fathers who wants equal time with their child(ren) but are denied time because their former and soon to be former wives have convinced others that the fathers are undeserving of such time? Imagine a wife who creates a massive amount of debt while her husband works two jobs to pay the bills, she begins an extramarital relationship with a co-worker, she hides her commission money from her husband, she leaves her husband with all of the bills, she files for a divorce, she files for custody in order to limit a child's time with his father, and she files for child support in order to get child support money even though he is still paying all of the bills that she accumulated only because they are considered joint debts and he doesn't want to damage his credit. Who is really the "culprit"? I returned this book to Amazon.com, and I will never read another book by this author again!
Book Description
Billy feels angry, confused, and sad. His parents don't live together anymore — they have gotten a divorce. His deepest wish is for his mom, dad, and little brother Alec to live together as a family again. In this tender story, simply and charmingly illustrated, Billy learns that just because his parents live in separate homes, it doesn't mean that the strength and love of a family has been taken from him.
A tool for parents, educators, and therapists, the book sends a comforting message to children of the resilience and constancy of love within the family, even after a marriage ends.
Customer Reviews:
A very thoughtful tale to talk about a very complex issue........2002-05-22
I think that this book very tenderly discusses an issue facing many parents today. I have loaned it to a couple of friends who have been through a divorce with young children. In both cases, they said that the book helped them begin a conversation with their children about the love of family that can never be taken by divorce. Natalie has written this book from her heart and I am glad she can share it with others.
Adults and kids alike can relate to this book........2002-04-04
This is a great book for kids of all ages. It really hit home with me since my parents were divorced when I was a child. It will help your kids understand what other kids go through and that families can be of all shapes and sizes.
"This Message Sticks" Says Divorced Mom with Kids........2002-04-03
This book brought tears to my eyes. It's message is relevant and profoundly simple. My children related to the characters in the story and they love to read it again and again. It is a story that focuses on the love of family, and how that love transcends divorce. It's a must have for any family of divorce!
Average customer rating:
- Non-Custodial Dads Step up!
- Very valuable for divorcing parents!!
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Healing Hearts: Helping Children And Adults Recover From Divorce
Elizabeth Hickey
Manufacturer: GOLD LEAF PRESS
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ASIN: 1882723112 |
Customer Reviews:
Non-Custodial Dads Step up!.......2001-07-12
As a divorced father this book helped me immensely in not falling into the trap my ex has.
I never let what is going on with her and I conflict with parenting my children. As far as my kids are concerned mommy and daddy don't love each other anymore that's why they are divorced. THey also know that it's not their fault we divorcedand that WE both love them and that will never change.
This book is a must have for any father to truly understand what his rights are, how to handle the divorce with what a friend of mine says, "pizzazz." If you follow the guidelines here, you will be a better parent, a better spouse in the future and not gain a negative view that most "father's rights" group have. This was a joy to read and to implement in my life and that of my divorce.
Very valuable for divorcing parents!!.......1998-12-17
Healing Hearts is one of the books we use in our training of parents going through divorce. It is very well done. Borrowing a quote used in the book from Satchel Paige, "None of us is smarter than all of us". Of particular value is the focus on children and their needs and the emphasis on responsibilities and not rights.
Book Description
THE CLASSIC WORK ON HELPING CHILDREN OVERCOME
THE TRAUMA OF DIVORCE
For many years, Growing Up With Divorce has offered divorced parents transformative insight, solace, and practical guidance on how to help their children cope with the stresses caused by marital separation.
Every child is unique, yet there are certain common reactions to the stresses of divorce -- anger, a sense of divided loyalties, lasting intimacy issues. Dr. Neil Kalter explains that, for children, divorce is not a single event but is comprised of "a series of events that occur over many years." Identifying three stages of divorce, Dr. Kalter cites the particular struggles associated with each stage and explains how gender as well as cognitive, emotional, and social development also affect how children react.
Dispensing sage advice on everything from understanding and minimizing the anxieties that underlie various troublesome behaviors to smoothing out your child's transitions between her two households to incorporating a new spouse into your family, Dr. Kalter gives parents and the professionals who treat divorced families an indispensable guide to navigating the difficulties of divorce.
Customer Reviews:
Book on Emotional Effects of Divorce on children and adults.......2007-07-15
This book looks at the emotions and stages that families go through with "good, bad, and ugly divorces". The book includes rarely discussed syndromes that may occur when one or more parents engage in emotional warfare and the resulting trauma for the children. For example, I have never read such a good description of parent alienation. This is an excellent book to give to people while they are considering divorce so they know what they have to face or how to proceed so that the children are spared great pain and fear. It is an excellent guide for mental health professionals for assessment of children and couples. (I am in social work.)
Helpfull.......2006-07-30
I particularly like the fact that Neil Kalter describes the emotions that children have. As they often hide them in a different way than I would expect as a parent.
Now I can see much more clear what my children reveal to protect me.
Kalter offers good to the point advice on how to help children.
Which is exactly what you need as a parent.
I greatly recommend this book.
Margo, Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Imminently helpful to separating families.......1999-10-08
As a divorce mediator, I've loaned several copies of this book to separating couples, never to have them returned. Now that the book has been reprinted, I'm ordering a dozen copies for my program, and will give it to separating parents because of its powerful message: "remove your kids from the middle of your marital conflict!"
Excellent refrence to assist children thru divorce troubles.......1998-10-13
Growing Up With Divorce by Dr. Neil Kalter has proven to be an excellent tool for helping the children through the emotional pitfalls of divorce. It is divided by age catagory, tells of the signs of emotional distress then gives practical solutions to help the children through their issues. Good tool to use again and again.
Book Description
Divorce has become a way of life. One million couples dissolve their unions every year, profoundly affecting millions of children. While divorce can have many negative consequences, it need not be a disaster for children. For nearly twenty years, the Kids’ Turn workshop program has been helping parents and children identify and cope with separation and divorce issues. Good Parenting Through Your Divorce distills Kids’ Turn wisdom for individual readers, presenting key topics that concern all parents and their children throughout the divorce and beyond, including:
• How to recognize, cultivate, and respond to your child’s feelings
• How divorce affects your child’s development
• How to support your child’s expressive self
• The challenge of behavior and discipline
• The dos and don’ts of shared parenting
• Understanding and managing negative reactions
• Guidelines for developing positive emotional habits
• How to manage communication with your co-parent
An essential, comprehensive guide for parents, Good Parenting Through Your Divorce helps you help your children adjust to a new family arrangement. Chapters on childhood development, discipline, healthy communication, and how to move forward make this a user-friendly, complete treatment of a common but challenging experience.
Book Description
Parental divorce is a crisis for children. What parents say and do while this process is occurring can make the difference between children's successful adjustment to the changes in their family and a lifetime of chaos and turmoil.
This manual is your complete reference for how to handle some of the most difficult issues faced by divorcing parents in such a way that your children will not only adapt, but thrive.
Written in an eminently readable style by a family therapist who was herself, divorced, it is also filled with real-life examples that help to illustrate both the problems and the solutions parents may experience at this challenging time.
Customer Reviews:
Don't Get Divorced Without It.......2004-03-16
Going through divorce is an emotional experience that can make people who've shared life's most gentle moments turn on each other like rabid beasts. The statistics reveal the need for a book like this one: 50-60% of marriages fail; and one third of children under 18 live with only one parent.
Author Diane Berry brings unique qualifications to her book project; as a young attorney practicing family law, she recognized a flair for helping deal with the emotional upsets caused by divorce. She went back to school, earned a Masters Degree in Social Work, and began a counseling practice specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy. When she developed an informal class to educate parents about handling some of the difficulties of divorce, a court official saw its value and made it mandatory for all divorcing parents in their county. Five years later, the class is conducted 24 times a year and filled to capacity.
The subtitle of the first chapter sets the book's tone: What Happens to the Children? Fond memories and children or not, divorce is the inevitable outcome of many marriages, and despite their best intentions, couples unwittingly do very harmful things to their kids while in the throes of splitting up. Berry describes how separation and divorce affects children in different age groups emotionally, and suggests how to deal with problems that arise, both short term and long term. She recommends setting up a system of nurturing, open communication, and stresses the importance of organization and scheduling.
Berry's therapy experience comes to play often, such as her explanation of the behavioral technique Emotional Regulation to change habits and improve outcomes. She encourages utilizing outside counseling and urges parents not to feel overly guilty. Children are resilient and actually grow emotionally through dealing with stress in small doses -- they need not be totally sheltered from the reality of life. Berry recommends sensitivity to the needs of the "other" parent balanced with protecting the children and building their self-esteem. Divorcing couples must travel a path toward cooperation, forgiveness, letting go of the pain -- and moving on.
By rendering good advice infused with positive thinking, humor, and an upbeat tone, Berry gives parents an encouraging roadmap for accomplishing divorce while inflicting the fewest emotional scars on their children.
A quality guide, practical and intuitively written.......2004-03-07
Authoritatively written by Diane M. Berry (a former family law attorney turned psychotherapist who has personally experienced divorce), Child Friendly Divorce: A Divorce(d) Therapist's Guide To Helping Your Children Thrive is a straightforward examination of the crisis and trauma that divorce brings to children's lives, and what divorcing parents can do to ease the burden. From helping children adjust to long-term difficulties; to forming a co-parenting partnership with the "other parent"; to when and how to introduce children to a new partner, Child Friendly Divorce is a quality guide, practical and intuitively written. If you are considering or involved in a divorce where there are children involved, then you need to give a careful reading to Diane Berry's Child Friendly Divorce.
Child Friendly Divorce.......2004-02-07
Loved this book! Going through a divorce is an emotional roller coaster for ALL family members. It's easy to forget about the little ones when the parents are going thru so much turmoil also. This book give lots of examples, which are extremely easy to relate to. And it gives practical advise that is easy to follow and to remember. I was done with the book in one night....couldn't put it down!
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Two Homes
It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce (Lansky, Vicki)
Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child
Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust
