The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce

Book Description

Should Your Parents Be Married Even If They're Unhappy With Each Other?

If your parents fuss at you does it mean they don't love you? How can you tell if your father loves you, if he lives in another city? Are you "bad" when you get angry with your mother or father? Why is it a mistake to talk to one parent about another? Do you blame yourself for your parents' divorce?

This warm and honest book provides reassuring answers to these and many more crucial questions children ask about divorce.

Customer Reviews:

the boys and girls book about divorce.......2007-09-23

This book is awful. It is hateful toward parents and I would never recommend that a child read it! It is ugly and negative and has no value for helping a child heal from divorce!

Cannot believe that this book is still available..........2006-06-01

Yes, this book "tells it like it is"- but only for the WORST case scenarios. Since circumstances and situations are different in every divorce, harsh reality is not always applicable- and I think this can feed into fears and worries that don't even exist in many cases. When I was [...] and my parents divorced (25 years ago), I was given this book by a well-meaning counselor. For a sensitive and imaginative child, already upset and grieving a former family life- this book not only can reaffirm many baseless fears, but give a whole new batch of them to worry about- such as boarding schools and foster homes. Another especially disturbing chapter discusses ways to find out if your parent doesn't love you- kids can see things in different ways and this chapter is VERY dangerous in my opinion! I feel that the only way that this book would be alright is for a parent to read it first, and then read with a child and explained in the context of their situation. There have to be better, more timely books out there.

Truth hurts but lies and denials devastate.......2005-05-20

The negative reviewers are in denial and, although they believe they are doing the right thing by not being honest with their kids or themselves, they are hurting their kids and probably screwing them up for life so they too can repeat the mistakes of their parents and continue the cycle.

The chapter about what love is and how to recognize it is invaluable. It does NO good to teach a child that neglect, disinterest and selfishness is love because it is not.

The sad fact is that some parents do not love their children or love them very much. Face it and deal with it - adults and children alike. If you teach your kid that "not-love" is love then you're not giving your kid the skills to find and recognize Real Love.

Apparently, many negatives reviewers had a fit when they read the chapter about how to recognize love and they didn't continue reading how to help your child cope when their parent has little or no love for them. Maybe, as I did, they had to face facts that their own estranged spouse and/or a parent of theirs also did not love nor love them enough.

This book also addresses the fears that children have and denying that they have those fears is easier on the parent, but certainly not helpful to a child who is, well, childish and needs reassurance.

If you love your children, really really love them - then buy this book. Read it first yourself then use the chapters that apply to your situation and know that even though truth hurts and facing fears is difficult - you're doing right by your children. Sugar-coating and running away from facts is harmful to you and to your kids. It's time to stop taking the short-term easy way out and get real.

Honesty is the best policy.......2004-03-15

I noticed this book because of my own miserable childhood.
No adult would like to tell me the truth about my parient's divorce even themselves.There were so many questions in my mind.I have wasted so many time to adjust it. The teachers never taught you how to deal with a divorced family and a sad father. There was no book about it. So, we are helpless.
When I saw this book,I felt so amazingly. This was a book written for us and truely helped us.

Tells it like it is.......2002-06-24

This book is fantastically un-PC; so much that it verges on shocking. Those who want some bland and reassuring pap for their nearest/dearest child of divorce should look elsewhere.

I know nothing of the author biographically, but I can tell he's seen a lot of unhappy children. He's seen them lied to by adults whose intentions spanned the gamut of good and bad, and seen that misdirection and ephemism hurt children more than directness ever could. In other words, Gardner respects children and understands their need for plain talk. This book advocates for them.

Parents may be offended. But divorces occur more often where fundamental tenets of healthy relationships aren't respected, and things we rarely talk about are done to kids as a matter of course. Kids get used as adult-companionship substitutes. Kids get used as weapons against the Ex, or meal tickets. Parents drift off after the divorce and never drift back again. Parents fawn and drool on birthdays or Christmas and fail to call the rest of the year. To Gardner, this suggests a parent who does not love their child. What does it suggest to you?

The current vogue is pad all this over and "be reassuring," but Gardner prefers to let them in on the truth -- believing truth is something even children can eventually come to terms with.

Average customer rating:

G Auxier

Was it the Chocolate Pudding? A story for Little Kids About Divorce

great story

Chocolate Pudding Brings Relief!

A picturebook story explaining the concept of divorce and joint custody to young children ages 2 to 6

Was It the Chocolate Pudding?: A Story for Little Kids About Divorce
Sandra Levins
Manufacturer: Magination Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

Fiction | Marriage & Divorce | Family Life | People & Places | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
Nonfiction | Marriage & Divorce | Family Life | People & Places | Children's Books | Subjects | Books
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It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce (Lansky, Vicki)

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I Don't Want To Talk About It: A Story About Divorce for Young Children

ASIN: 159147308X

Book Description

With childlike innocence and humor, a young narrator living with his single father and brother explains divorce and it?s grown-up words ? like ?New Arrangement,? ?Ideal Situation,? and ?Differences? ? from a kid?s point-of-view. Special emphasis is placed on the fact that divorce is not the child?s fault, that it is a grown-up problem. Deals with practical day-to-day matters such as single-family homes, joint custody, child-care issues, and misunderstandings. Includes Note to Parents. Full-color illustrations through-out. For ages 2-6.

Customer Reviews:

G Auxier.......2007-04-24

I found this book to be just too wordy. The concept was good, children do blame themselves for divorce and look for reasons why they caused divorce but this book is more for adults to understand how children come to those conclusions rather than something that would help a child understand. I felt that it was condescending and not at all believable in terms of what a child would say.

Was it the Chocolate Pudding? A story for Little Kids About Divorce.......2007-02-03

I found this book to be directed towards a divorce situation where
the kids primarily spend time with the father. This would be a perfect
book for that custody agreement. I was surprised that the mother was
only mentioned toward the end of the book, and a slight attempt to show
the mother is in the childrens life daily. I returned it and ended up
losing money due to shipping.

great story.......2007-01-03

really nice story to help children understand that divorce is not their fault, which is an almost-inevitable conclusion most kids under the age of 8 will draw. family in the story is obviously a middle class caucasian family having a pretty amicable divorce: families where there has been violence or more argument in front of the kids would want to add some sentences here and there. for example, "remember when mommy and daddy used to yell/hit/argue all the time? that was scary, wasn't it? we didn't want to scare you, so we decided we were better as friends than as husband and wife. i know it is hard to go from house to house, but now it is not scary and we both love you very much." that sort of thing.

Chocolate Pudding Brings Relief!.......2006-08-10

As a professional Colorado divorce (attorney-trained) mediator, I don't often fall in love with new children's books about divorce; there are simply too many fine ones already out there. Sandra Levin's Was It the Chocolate Pudding?: A Story for Little Kids About Divorce, however, is a welcome exception, a total delight!

Chocolate Pudding perfectly captures the consterning confusion divorce ushers into the world of a six-year-old boy and his little brother. The boy just knows his mom moved out of their home, suddenly and without explanation -- because he smeared chocolate pudding all over his brother one day. After all, he muses, "I was in big trouble mister!" for getting carried away in what seemed like just so much fun.

Levin's picturebook world is accompanied by his reassuring voice patiently explaining to the young reader all these new and complex adult words and phrases:

'Explaining' is when you talk to somebody about something so they can understand it, even if that somebody is a little kid.

'Differences' is the grown-up word for everybody not liking the same thing and not always getting their way.

'Adjusting-to-our-new-arrangement' is what you do when you don't have an ideal situation and it's still okay.

Gorgeously illustrated by Bryan Langdo, Chocolate Pudding's punchline is the boy's huge relief upon discovering it was NOT his pudding antics that led his mom to leave the family. In fact, he learns, he and his brother didn't have a darn thing to do with his family's breakup! (And just to be sure that all kids hearing the story understand: "Relief," he notes, "is the grown-up word for feeling like you're carrying a big heavy book bag and someone takes it off your back.")

Levin's premise is that "big stuff like divorce needs some explaining," and Chocolate Pudding is more than up to the task.

Highly recommended for young children (perhaps 2 to 6 years of age) and anyone touched by divorce's sometimes long shadow.

A picturebook story explaining the concept of divorce and joint custody to young children ages 2 to 6.......2006-08-07

Nicely illustrated by Bryan Langdo, Was It The Chocolate Pudding?: A Story For Little Kids About Divorce by Sandra Levins is a picturebook story explaining the concept of divorce and joint custody to young children ages 2 to 6. Offering insight into divorce and growing up through in a thoroughly "kid friendly" story of two young brothers whose mother and father are divorced, Was It The Chocolate Pudding? follows a six-year-old and his little brother as they try to understand why their parents no longer live together and why the boys shuttle back and forth between them. Featuring a light-hearted, easy-to-read, age-appropriate understanding of what happens in a divorce, Was It The Chocolate Pudding? is very highly recommended as an informative, entertaining, and a perfect vehicle by which a concerned parent can help their own child understand a divorce in their own family, thereby avoiding misunderstandings and self-blame on the part of a child trying to understand an adult process.

I Don't Want To Talk About It: A Story About Divorce for Young Children

Average customer rating:

I don't want to talk about it
No Thank-you
Disappointed
I don't want to talk about it
Recommendation despite initial misgivings

I Don't Want To Talk About It: A Story About Divorce for Young Children
Jeanie Franz Ransom
Manufacturer: American Psychological Association
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 1557987033

Book Description

Winner of Today's Librarian "Best Children's Resource" award!

When a child's parents tell her they have decided to divorce, the last thing she wants to do is talk about it. Instead, she wants to roar as loud as a lion so she can't hear their painful words, or turn into a fish and hide her tears in the sea, or even become a bird and fly away. But with her mother and father's help, she starts to consider what life will be like after divorce and learns that although some things will change, many other things will remain the same. Most importantly, she realizes that although her parents may not agree about much, one thing they do agree on is that they both love her very much and will always be her mom and dad.

I Don't Want To Talk About It features a comprehensive afterword that describes children's common reactions to divorce and offers parents suggestions for helping their own children adjust and thrive.

Customer Reviews:

I don't want to talk about it.......2007-03-21

I thought this book was terribly negative and would actually make children feel worse. I do not rec it for young children. I bought it to read with my 6 yr old and will not let her see it.

No Thank-you.......2007-02-09

Overall I did not enjoy this book. The general over tone felt quite negative.

Disappointed.......2006-01-05

After reading the positive reviews of this book, I went ahead and bought it without reading it. Big mistake. It is a very strange and confusing book. It assumes that small children understand the depth and meaning of the word "divorce" yet can not understand or articulate any of their own feelings. It also depicts the "fairy tale" divorce, where the parents are mature enough to sit down to confront their child and actually "talk about it" together--as well as agree to divide time with the child equally afterwards. I read this before I read it to my son, and I was going to give it away, but he begged and begged to read it when he caught a glimpse of it. So I read it to him anyway and he really hated it. He thought the animals were scary, and he thought the girl was mean and a real whiner. Overall, he seemed to feel that the book was just confusing and negative. My son and I MUCH preferred Goodbye Daddy, which is much more positive and gentle, acknowledging hurt, but emphasizing keeping a positive attitude. I suppose if you have a feisty daughter who doesn't understand her feelings and you're having the perfect divorce, then I Don't Want to Talk About It may be for you. But it sure wasn't for us.

I don't want to talk about it.......2005-08-06

Great book to read to kids who are dealing with divorce

Recommendation despite initial misgivings.......2004-05-10

Though I was initially put off by the stark whiteness of the characters, I highly recommend this book to anyone going through divorce with young children. This book reads like poetry, is beautifully illustrated, and gets to the point quickly. All this allowed my active 4 year old son to be taken in on the first read, ask for it a second time, and actually start TALKING about his feelings!

Let's Talk About It: Divorce (Let's Talk About It)

Average customer rating:

A wonderful aid to help the little ones through a difficult time . . .
Awesome book

Let's Talk About It: Divorce (Let's Talk About It)
Fred Rogers
Manufacturer: Putnam Juvenile
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Ages 4-8 | Children's Books | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 0698116704

Customer Reviews:

A wonderful aid to help the little ones through a difficult time . . ........2006-07-10

When I told my 7 year old daughter that her dad and I were getting a divorce she crumbled. She sobbed "That means I won't have a daddy anymore." I wish I had this book before I told the kids.

The book reassures kids in such a comforting and caring way. This book helped us get past the tears at bedtime that first week. And my kids never once thought the Divorce was their fault--because the book explains that so simply.

Thank you Fred Rogers--this helped our family so much.

Awesome book.......2006-07-03

This book hits all the important things to tell a child about divorce, yet is not too wordy. It is very complete and really comforting. I bought a whole bunch of books to read to my girls (2 adn 5) to help them cope and they repeatedly ask for this one. It doesn't go into too much detail about different types of situations that don't apply, but just talks about feelings and gives them the message that they are ok and it is not their fault. My mom is a counselor and this is also her favorite. I highly recommend this book if you have young children and are getting divorced. Mr. Rogers is awesome!

Average customer rating:

Recommended by my Dr. and I have bought 5+ for friends.
Intelligent exploration of children's issues in divorce

The Parents Book About Divorce
Richard Gardner
Manufacturer: Bantam
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Mass Market Paperback

Divorce | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 0553286323
Release Date: 1982-06-01

Customer Reviews:

Recommended by my Dr. and I have bought 5+ for friends........2000-05-05

I am a mother who is facing a possible second divorce. My two children from my first marriage of 15 years were 4 and 6 at the time of our separation. They are now 20 and 22 and I think will be fine; however, in reading his chapter on "Telling the Children," I had the luxury to know/feel the validity of his message. I am finding jems throughout the book and, while I bought it at a time when I thought my second divorce was a case of "when" not "if," it has helped my husband of 10 years and I look at our situation with new understanding and hope. We have a 9 year old and I am so glad that regardless of what happens with our marriage I feel much more equiped to do right by our son.

Intelligent exploration of children's issues in divorce.......2000-04-16

This book is a little dated and the print is densely packed, but it's still an excellent book for those who want to learn about the psychological issues faced by children of divorce. Written by a leading child psychiatrist, it deals in a chronological fashion with the stages of divorce, including how and when to tell kids about an impending separation, informing friends and teachers, and adjusting to new homes and stepfamilies. This is not really a pop self-help book and it never simplifies problems, but there is specific and sound practical advice within the sometimes technical text.

My Parents Divorce (How Do I Feel About)

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My Parents Divorce (How Do I Feel About)
Julia Cole
Manufacturer: Copper Beech
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Library Binding

General | Ages 4-8 | Children's Books | Subjects | Books

ASIN: 0761308695

Surviving Divorce: Teens Talk About What Hurts And What Helps (Choices)

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Surviving Divorce: Teens Talk About What Hurts And What Helps (Choices)
Trudi Strain Trueit
Manufacturer: Franklin Watts
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0531167267

With My Mom, With My Dad: A Book About Divorce

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With My Mom, With My Dad: A Book About Divorce
Maribeth Boelts
Manufacturer: Zonderkidz
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 0310706440

Book Description

A wonderful story to meet the needs of children who are experiencing the stress of having parents divorce. Parental helps for getting children through this difficult time are included in the back of the book. This is the first of a series of issue-oriented books to meet the needs of children in trauma.

The Boys and Girls Book About One-parent Families

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The Boys and Girls Book About One-parent Families
Richard A. Gardner
Manufacturer: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce

ASIN: 055313809X

When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends (Let's Talk About It!)

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Comforting for my younger children
Helping young children with their feelings and fears when parents get divorced

When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends (Let's Talk About It!)
Jennifer Moore-Mallinos
Manufacturer: Barron''s Educational Series
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0764131729

Book Description

Young children become confused and hurt when their parents constantly argue, then decide to divorce. This sensitively written book assures boys and girls that children are in no way responsible for their parentsÂ' inability to get along together. It lets kids know that although one parent chooses to move away from the home, both parents continue to love their little boy or girl. Both Mom and Dad will continue to spend happy times with them. Even very young children have concerns and anxieties, and Tell Somebody Books are written and illustrated especially for them. Parents are advised to read these books aloud while their preschooler listens and looks at illustrations of the boys and girls in each story. Many children in early grades will be able to read the stories for themselves. Tell Somebody Books encourage children to explore their feelings, and then to speak openly about things that trouble them.

Customer Reviews:

Comforting for my younger children.......2007-01-26

During a tumultuous divorce with my wife, I found this book at the library. My older 11yr. old girl really enjoyed reading the book with me. Her 11yr. old twin showed no interest in reading a "kids" book, but surprisingly, my 8yr. old boy is glued to the book. He asks me to read it about once or twice a week. Sometimes I tear up when reading it and my son holds me close. The book is basic, general, but speaks from the heart. I have been able to use the simple story line as an example of how the kids will continue to build a loving relationship with his mother, and how they will continue to build a loving relationship with me.

Helping young children with their feelings and fears when parents get divorced.......2006-08-04

"When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends" is a Let's Talk about It! book about a young girl coming to terms with the divorce of her parents. Written by Jennifer Moore-Mallinois and simply but friendly illustrated by Marta Fabrega, this book was originally published in Spain as "Cuando Mis Padres se Olvidaron de Ser Amigos," but the subject matter is obviously universal and there is nothing specific to Spanish culture that gets in the way of the book's message.

The title of this book for younger readers in this particular situation does constitute something of an euphemism because when parents get divorced it is not just because they have stopped being friends, but rather than they had stopped loving each other and all that entails. However, I can fully appreciate that under such circumstances you would not want to focus on how people stop loving each other, since one of the fears Moore-Malllinos deals with here is that if mommy and daddy can stop loving each other, maybe they can stop loving their children as well. At the start of this book not only are the parents friends, they are a happy family, where every Saturday is a special family night and they always do things together. But then things start to change.

The key part of this book is that is shows how the young girl is on the outside of what is going on, which is why this book is important not only for young children in this situation but their parents. In this case the young girl does not know why her parents are arguing, why they are mad, why her mom is crying, and why her dad has moved out of the house. Certainly there are such situations where the kids are all too painfully aware of what is going on and why, but the younger the children the less likely that would be the case and those are the children that are the target audience for this book. Because these are the children who are more likely to think sometimes that what is happening might be their fault. Her parents tell her it is not her fault, but sometimes she wonders if maybe it is.

As the note to parents in the back of the book states explicitly, this book can be used as a tool to initiate dialogue and stimulate communication between parents and children in this situation. The purpose of the book is to acknowledge the concerns and anxieties of children when their family undergoes this sort of change. It is important for children have the opportunity to explore their feelings (and their fears) as the first steps in the process of healing. The goal is for children to be the survivors of separation and divorce rather than possibly remaining victims. Moore-Mallinos grew up in a one-parent family herself, so she is able to talk about this from personal experience and work that into her story as well.

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