Book Description
If your workplace feels like a battle zone and colleagues sometimes act like adversaries, you ore not alone. Today four generations glare at one another across the conference table, and the potential for conflict and confusion has never been greater.
- Traditionalist employees with their "heads down, onward and upward" attitude live out a work ethic shaped during the Great Depression.
- Eighty million Baby Boomers vacillate between their overwhelming need to succeed and their growing desire to slow down and enjoy life.
- Generation Xers try to prove themselves constantly yet dislike the image of being overly ambitious, disrespectful, and irreverent.
- Millennials, new to the workforce, mix savvy with social conscience and promise to further change the business landscape.
This insightful book provides hands-on methods to close the generation gaps. With effective tools to recruit, retain, motivate, and manage each generation, you can now create teamwork, not war, in today's highperformance workplace . . . where at any age, productivity is what counts.
Customer Reviews:
All Supervisors should learn this!.......2007-08-30
This has been very enlightning to look outside one's own generation. Awareness is half the battle. Excellent resource.
good info on generations in the workplace.......2006-07-14
This is probably your best bet for a book on generations in the workplace. It's not long on data, but it does apply knowledge about generations in a very useful way. It's not a deep treatment, but it gets the job done. A fairly quick read, and good if you just want to understand people of different ages in the workplace.
If you are interested in learning more about generations overall, and applying the knowledge yourself (easy to do), there's the classic (_Generations_ by Strauss & Howe, strong on theory and the overall picture, though outdated with its 1991 pub date) or the more recent _Generation Me_, with data on how the generations differ psychologically.
All Business.......2004-11-12
I found this book to be very informative and readable. The book gives a number of good insights about the different values of four generations in the workplace today. There are lots of examples and solutions to making the workplace more productive and fun. Unfortunately, the book's focus is on business, making money and working together better. Guess that's what pays the bills. I guess the insights can help in relationships throughout society but for those who are looking for answers outside of business this might be a hard read to get through.
Interesting observations........2003-02-10
"When Generations Collide" is a book that describes the clashes of the four generations with practical solutions. The book is separated into five sections:
Section I: Descriptions of the Generations
The book first describes the four generations (birth years): The Traditionalists (1900-1945), Baby Boomers (1946-1964), Generation Xers (1965-1980) and Millennial (1981-1999). The book also mentions the "Cusper" generation, whom are born five years into or at the end of a generation. The Cuspers are the bridge builders.
Section II: Putting the generations to work
In this section, the authors describe the generations' focus on career. In summary, Traditionalists build a legacy, Baby boomers build a stellar career, Gen X build a portable career and Millennial build parallel careers. The book describes the generation careers with explicit detail including how to reward the generations without offending the "generational culture". This section is interesting since it gives examples from companies that have built various career paths and reward programs for the four generations.
Section III: Hiring generations
In this section, the authors describe in detail how to hire generations. Since the values of the generations are different, company value propositions need to be just as various. These values are established with the help of the specific generations. The proposition should be put into action and modified as time passes. If the values do not represent the various generations then the company would have issues to retain talent.
Section IV: Retaining and managing the generations
Once you have hired the individuals the book describes, in great detail, how to manage and retain your talent using different methods of involvement. Retaining the talent needed is not easy. The book describes that it is not only up to your company but companies should learn to use their talent to keep talent. Example, part-time alumni traditionalist are helping Xers understand the longer term growth of the firm which in turn the firm will be rewarded by Xers not leaving in 6 months. As the book notes it, job changing for Traditionalist is a stigma, for Boomers is getting behind, for Xers is necessary and for Millennials is a way of life.
Section V: What's next?
This section was a six page book conclusion.
If you are thinking of issues that we deal with our bosses, parents, co-workers and others take into consideration their generation before taking action.
Have fun reading.
Not Profound but Provocative.......2002-07-03
Review of When Generations Collide
The Book's Thesis: If you work with people from other generations, you need to understand that conflicting perspectives between the generations can generate workplace conflict.
Obviously, this is an old theme. There are plenty of quotable inter-generational digs and barbs recorded in the earliest writings of antiquity.
More recently, during my youth in the tumultuous late 1960s and early '70s, we spoke openly and frequently about the "generation gap."
This perennial topic has been treated seriously by credible writers in other business books over the past decade. (I have penned a few articles on it in recent years as well.)
Of the books on this now familiar theme, this one takes a less statistical and analytical approach in favor of a more anecdotal slant on the topic.
Lancaster, a Baby Boomer, and Stillman, a Gen Xer, are business partners who write in a chatty style. They lace their broad observations about generations with illustrations derived from their own personal lives. Often, they make their point by telling stories about the conflicts between the two of them---which they blame on their age difference.
And they never miss an opportunity to remind you that they speak and give seminars on this topic. While those frequent reminders border on annoying, the authors do not seem to be indulging in crass commercialism---search all you want and you won't find information in the book about contacting the author-consultants to purchase their services.
Instead, speechmaking (and speech coaching to the likes of pop business pontificator Harvey Mackay, who penned the book's anemic Foreword) seems to define the authors' rather limited frame of reference in the business world.
As other reviewers have noted, the authors' attention to detail, facts, and rigorous analysis have taken a back seat to their breezy narrative.
In an attempt to provide statistical data on generational differences, the authors point to results from an online survey they conducted. You don't have to be a career researcher or social scientist to recognize that such surveys are comprised of small, non-random, non-representative and therefore invalid samples. That is especially true when extrapolating tiny slivers of data to reach conclusions about an entire generation representing *tens of millions* of people!
Still, these flaws notwithstanding, this engaging, readable book makes some worthwhile observations about the rather amorphous and extremely broad topic of generational strife. Despite my reservations, I found myself highlighting pithy passages and dog-earring quite a few pages.
If you can look past the authors' indulgent style and occasional gaffs and lapses, "When Generations Collide" serves as an approachable and palatable overview of potential generational friction in the workplace---and wherever people of varying ages interact.
Average customer rating:
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Bridging the Generation Gap: How to Get Radio Babies, Boomers, Gen Xers, And Gen Yers to Work Together And Achieve More
Linda Gravett , and
Robin Throckmorton
Manufacturer: Career Press
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Similar Items:
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When Generations Collide: Who They Are. Why They Clash. How to Solve the Generational Puzzle at Work
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Retiring the Generation Gap: How Employees Young & Old Can Find Common Ground (J-B CCL (Center for Creative Leadership))
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Generations at Work: Managing the Clash of Veterans, Boomers, Xers, and Nexters in Your Workplace
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Connecting Generations
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Boomers, Xers, and Other Strangers: Understanding the Generational Differences that Divide Us
ASIN: 156414898X |
Book Description
Miscommunication… Employee conflict… Work ethic debates… Loyalty issues… Varying wants and needs…
If you are a manager, human resources professional, or business owner, you are faced with these types of issues every day. But why?
Because currently, there are five generations in the workplace: Radio Babies (born during 1930-1945); Baby Boomers (1946-1964); Generation X (1965-1976); Generation Y (1977-1991); even some Millennials (1991 and later). Each of them has a different perspective, based on their upbringing and daily lives. The key to making encounters between the generations successful is learning to understand the point of view of each generation and respect their differences.
The individuals and organizations that do this will be the ones to succeed. This book will show you how.
Authors Gravett and Throckmorton take a dynamic approach to the situation by writing in two distinct voices—as a Baby Boomer and a Gen-Xer—using a "point-counterpoint" approach to identify differences and similarities across generations.
They share hands-on experiences, real-life cases, recommended solutions, and ground-breaking research on how members of any generation can better relate to minimize conflict, miscommunication, and wasted energy. You will learn what each generation thinks of the others and how each wishes the others viewed it.
Bridging the Generation Gap is filled with strategies and solutions you can implement immediately to help build your own bridge between the generations.
Book Description
In Unbending Gender, Joan Williams takes a hard look at the state of feminism in America. Concerned by what she finds--young women who flatly refuse to identify themselves as feminists and working-class and minority women who feel the movement hasn't addressed the issues that dominate their daily lives--she outlines a new vision of feminism that calls for workplaces focused on the needs of families and, in divorce cases, recognition of the value of family work and its impact on women's earning power. Williams shows that workplaces are designed around men's bodies and life patterns in ways that discriminate against women, and that the work/family system that results is terrible for men, worse for women, and worst of all for children. She proposes a set of practical policies and legal initiatives to reorganize the two realms of work in employment and households--so that men and women can lead healthier and more productive personal and work lives. Williams introduces a new 'reconstructive' feminism that places class, race, and gender conflicts among women at center stage. Her solution is an inclusive, family-friendly feminism that supports both mothers and fathers as caregivers and as workers.
Customer Reviews:
Great book.......2006-05-16
My partner of more than half a decade and I, want to have children, but he is also facing the same scheduling problems. I picked a company that supports work from home and 1 day off a week - but great possibility that I will not get promoted the same rate as my male colleagues. While his company only gives 1 week paternity leave (using vacation hours), which is of no real help at all. That is why we are waiting 15-20 years (we will be about 40-45) to adopt a couple of kids. We will be one of those old yuppie couples with Asian babies.
My parents were also over achievers at work, they hired a nanny for 13 years. For us career oriented people, our choices are very limited, but it is up to us to convince the corporate world for change. I am glad that some companies have family friendly benefits (still a long way to go) - while during my grandmother and mother's time they had no options at all.
Impeccable research, very readable.......2002-03-09
This is one of a handful of books that I wish I had written. It tackles the difficult subject of the work/family conflict with impeccable research and persuasive arguments for reform. It's not strident or hyperbolic, just great scholarship and great writing. You don't have to be a lawyer or law professor to read and enjoy it; it would give great support to any parent struggling to find time enough to work and raise a child. It is a must-read for anyone interested in the work/family balance movement, anyone who still calls themselves a feminist (I do), and all working parents.
"Must Reading" for Men, Also.......2001-01-06
Now more than ever before, fathers and husbands (as well as uncles, brothers, and sons) need to understand how and why so many women experience so much stress when struggling to fulfill all manner of traditional gender-specific obligations in combination with other obligations related to the workplace. This same understanding is imperative for men with whom these women associate in their workplace. I'm not saying women's obligations are better or worse than those men have. But many of them are significantly different. True, assignment of marital and parental obligtions often has less to do with gender than with practicality. Of necessity, some Baby Boomers and many Generation Xers have re-defined concepts such as "partnering" and "division of labor." The process of re-definition or refinement will accelerate with Generation Yers. One of Williams' key points is that at work and in the home, indeed everywhere, men and women must have the courage and (yes) the patience to collaborate and accommodate in ways and to an extent which spouses and parents never have before. Those unable to "bend" with appropriate adjustment and (yes) with good will could well "break." Williams identifies various major problems and their causes, then suggests how those problems could be avoided or solved. You may not agree with all of her opinions (fair enough) but I think you will agree that she addresses important issues with care and concern. So must each of us.
Critical Information for Family Therapists.......2000-10-25
As a family therapist with a special interest in the area of work and family, I have read a number of books on this issue. Unbending Gender is a tremendous contribution to the field and one of my favorites. It was highly recommended to me by a marriage and family therapist and university professor, and I am passing on the recommendation to many of my colleagues. Williams' book has important implications for family therapy, as many male and female clients struggle with how to combine market work and family work. It will change the way you educate, normalize, and approach this issue with clients.
Visions of a New Paradigm.......2000-08-12
This is the book that I had been waiting for! As a lawyer, feminist, wife and mother I have struggled with conflicts between work and career and found myself forced to make "choices" that later seemed unjust. After examining family law and employment discrimination law in the course of rethinking how our society structures the relationship of "market work" to "family work," Williams presents her visions for a new paradigm which she calls "reconstructive feminism" or "family humanism." She offers both legal strategies and policy initiatives for restructuring how we "work" and changing the ways we talk about gender. This book has had a tremendous impact on me. As a result, I am hoping to teach a law school course around this book next spring. Professor Williams has been extremely helpful in assisting me in that endeavor. In addition, I am urging everyone I know to read this book. We need to forge the coalitions Williams proposes if we are to be ultimately successful in "unbending" gender roles in our society.
Book Description
Here is a completely updated edition of the best-selling Resolving Conflicts at Work. This definitive and comprehensive work provides a handy guide for resolving conflicts, miscommunications, and misunderstandings at work and outlines the authors’ eight strategies that show how the inevitable disputes and divisions in the workplace actually provide an opportunity for greater creativity, productivity, enhanced morale, and personal growth. This new edition includes current case studies that put the focus on leadership, management, and how organizations can design systems to change a culture of avoidance into a culture of creative conflict. The result is a more practical book for today’s companies and the people who work in them.
Download Description
Here is a completely updated edition of the best-selling Resolving Conflicts at Work. This definitive and comprehensive work provides a handy guide for resolving conflicts, miscommunications, and misunderstandings at work and outlines the authors eight strategies that show how the inevitable disputes and divisions in the workplace actually provide an opportunity for greater creativity, productivity, enhanced morale, and personal growth. This new edition includes current case studies that put the focus on leadership, management, and how organizations can design systems to change a culture of avoidance into a culture of creative conflict. The result is a more practical book for today's companies and the people who work in them.
Book Description
The Power of Positive Confrontation is for everyone who was never taught, or never realized, that between “bully” and “wimp” is a range of behavior that is positive, dignified, and effective for dealing with life’s bothersome situations. The skills it teaches will not only improve your ability to confront others, but will also help you to live a more conflict-free life. Filled with hundreds of often entertaining real-life examples drawn from Barbara Pachter’s many years of teaching assertiveness and business etiquette, The Power of Positive Confrontation is as perceptive about people and their behavior as it is clear-headed about the strategies you need to handle yourself confidently and effectively in all confrontational situations.
Customer Reviews:
good information.......2007-05-07
this book has common sense tips for clearer, more effective communication. I recommend it.
Good constructive advice, without being too touch-feely and abstract.......2005-08-20
I like the tone of the book. Its not about self esteem etc. It provides valuable concrete techniques for dealing with conflict effectively and constructively.
Perhaps three chapter's worth of usable content.......2001-02-25
It's only natural for a popular self-help speaker with a truly great message to want to put it into book form. The Power of Positive Confrontation teaches a truly great technique for confronting others that will help everyone who has trouble standing up for him or herself. Too bad there's only about three chapter's worth of actual content in its sixteen chapters. Instead the author gets into telling us how to dress for success, how to convey the information that a friend or loved one is in the hospital, do's and don'ts of International Travel along with several chapters of warm-up before finally getting to her actual WAC technique. Don't get me wrong, I still recommend this book highly but an abridged cassette version would be a lot less painful.
Why Win-Win" Is So Much More Effective Than "Zero-Sum".......2001-01-05
With Susan Magee, Barbara Pachter carefully analyzes all of the skills anyone needs to resolve conflicts at work, home, and in life. Confrontation is inevitable. Think about it: What REALLY upsets you? How about "road rage" when someone else cuts you off, tailgates, deliberately forces you to the side of the road, etc.? Or how about "office politicians" who lie both to your face and behind your back, thrive on hurtful gossip, and in countless other ways try to advance themselves at the cost of others? Make no mistake about it: Negative Confrontation also has power.
Pachter has a specific objective in mind: To enable those to read the book to master the skills needed to resolve confrontation is positive, constructive, and beneficial ways. As indicated in the Preface, she wants each reader to be able to say "I don't feel frustrated any more..." or "In the past I would have sulked or complained until the person got the hint, now I can just say something..." or "Annoying things don't bother me as much because I know I can say something now."
The book consists of 16 chapters, ranging from "Positive Confrontation -- What It Is and How It Can Make Your Life Better" to "International Etiquette", with Chapter 16 followed by a "Final 12-Step Pep Talk." Over the course of the book, Pachter covers just about every conceivable situation in which conflict can occur at work, home, and in life. I think this book will be invaluable to individual readers as well as to senior-level executives who can use much of the material to help those whom they supervise to master the same skills.
What A Life Saver!.......1999-12-24
I've never been very good at confrontation; I always feel like I've said or done the right thing in the wrong way. This book changed that for good. Positive confrontation is something we all aspire to but rarely achieve. I've used what I learned in this book to deal with issues at work and at home -- and it works! Now I handle confrontation in the "right" way, and things work out much better both for me and for the person on the other side of the issue. This is a great book!
Customer Reviews:
Couples Issues: We Can Work It Out.......2005-11-29
This book is based upon an innovative, revolutionary twenty-year study. It is a simple-to-understand and clearly-worded guide that provides you with straightforward, scientifically demonstrated techniques that can help you make your relationship work.
At the heart of the concepts presented by authors Clifford Notarius, Ph.D., and Howard Markman, Ph.D., is their "Better Talk" program. This program is unique among communication improvement practices. Better Talk builds upon the foundation set up in the introduction of the book. It permits couples to understand how to communicate using respect and shared understanding, especially when having conversations of a problem-solving nature. Instead of arguing with one another, couples discover how to work together to tackle their problems. Couples learn how to work on the same team, and to use constructive interaction instead of anger.
What truly stands out about this book is that instead of focusing on what makes a relationship fail, We Can Work It Out instead looks at what makes a couple succeed. To determine what the key elements of successful relationships actually are, the authors dedicated 20 years to studying relationships and what makes them work. Their key finding: A happy and successful relationship is based upon the couple's capacity to work through their differences, not actually on the individuals themselves.
By using diagnostic questionnaires, examples, and easy-to-understand explanations, We Can Work It Out very practically and realistically helps you to identify your problem areas and patterns, and to use the techniques outlined in the book in your own unique situation and relationship.
Though this book does tend to feel as though it is dating itself on occasion. The authors frequently refers to their findings and writing in the early 1990's. However, the lessons here are in no way obsolete. The findings of We Can Work It Out remain just as accurate, relevant, and current as they were when they were first printed.
This book provides you with a useable, optimistic, and realistic management approach for dealing with the issues troubling your relationship. It provides a levelheaded, sensible way to find your way back to the happiness you were once able to enjoy when your relationship was better fulfilling your needs.
Great Tools.......2005-07-07
This book is easy to read, easy to understand, and offers a lot of hope. It gives you real tools to use. I wish it had focused just a tiny bit more on how you can only take care of yourself and your own point of view and emotions - or perhaps it would have been nice if they recommended a companion book on that subject - since it is such a large factor in relating. But overall I'd say it's a great buy for anyone looking to find ways to start improving their communication with anyone, right away.
Absolutely the Best Book on Relationship Communication!!!.......2005-04-26
My husband and I separated after years and years of the same problems that we couldn't resolve. Realizing that perhaps it's not just what we are saying to each other but HOW we are saying it, I bought 6 books on communication. This was hands down the best one.
The first part of this book is a little slow, as it deals with research on couples and commonalities among happy and unhappy couples, blah, blah, blah. The 2nd and 3rd part of the book are the real meat of it. This book is excellent at not only helping you identfy the dysfunctional communication patterns you and your partner use, but also to determine WHY you use them. Most importantly, once you understand what NOT to do, this book tells you exactly what to DO in order to have successful communications with your partner. This book was an absolute eye-opener and my perception of my husband and his perspective has done a complete 180.
Now don't get me wrong, this book isn't going to do the work for you. You still have to commit to being open-minded enough to see YOUR faults in communication, not just be looking for everything wrong with your mate. However, I did see a lot of my mate in this book but instead of giving me ammo against him, this book really helped me understand him better. Also, this plan will be work. Changing old habits is ALWAYS hard work. But, my gosh...isn't it worth it? I can't stress enough though the importance of taking a hard look at yourself first. You have to be willing to consider that your partner has been just as hurt in your relationship as you have...and that you have caused as much destruction as you feel your partner has caused.
I have asked my husband to read the book. I don't know if he will. If he does, this book may very well save our marriage. Either way, I'm going to implement what I've learned into my own every day life. Because, if things don't work out with my husband, I need to be a healthier partner for any future relationships...and I need to be healthier for ME. I do have to say though, that reading this book has given me real hope that my marriage can be saved. Sadly, it shows me how unnecessary a lot of our pain has been. Every therapist tells you to talk about it but no one ever teaches you HOW to talk about it. You will be amazed how much HOW you talk is really what's going on in your relationship conflicts.
Every couple should have to read and discuss this book before they are allowed to get married. In fact, I may make this book my standard wedding gift from now on. In the end, where did all of those china place-settings ever get anyone? This book would be a real gift! I can not recommend this book more highly. If you are searching for books on this subject, than you need this book. Buy it now. Read it with an open heart. Share it with your mate. Good luck.
(Also, another great book to read to just better understand the many dynamics of all communication is Messages by McKay, Davis & Fanning...this book was also very helpful and I recommend it as a companion to We Can Work It Out. If you are dealing with an affair, "Not Just Friends" was the best of the several I read. That one deals with emotional affairs (which was my situation), not just sexual affairs.)
Everyone should read this book!.......2004-12-22
This book has changed my life! It was a very emotional read for me, I read so many examples of relationship communication problems I had throughout my life. I closed up or withdrew when relationship problems surfaced. I was afraid to talk and held everything inside. The book explains communication difficulties, it tells you how to effectively work through them and also how to prevent it from happening in the future. The book relates to any relationship you're in, whether you're married or dating. I wish I found this book years ago, I didn't seek help until it was too late. I recently dated someone for a little over two years, we broke up once and got back together, but we had the same problems, poor communication. If I knew about this book sooner, I know my outcome would have changed! Don't make the same mistake I did and think it'll get better, read this book now to become a better person and learn how to effectively communicate with your mate.
A Must-Read for all.......2004-03-16
Simple solutions based on actual research. Amazing! Gives insight into communication between any two people regardless of their relationship. (The rules of politeness are ones we should all use more often with everyone.) Contains a lot of information in just a few hundred pages, so you get your money's worth.
Purchase if you want to do any of the following:
(1) assess your relationship and evaluate your happiness
(2) determine where you may be going wrong in your relationship and why
(3) find useful ways to improve happiness, communication and intimacy in your relationship.
For more high-yield information about relationships and improving them I also recommend Make Up, Don't Break Up by Bonnie Eaker Weil and How One of You Can Bring The Two of You Together by Susan Page
Book Description
Takes a hard look at the consequences of intense conflict between divorced parents
This book explores both the causes and consequences of high-level, stressful conflict between divorced parents on their children's development. It also provides concrete advice to help parents work together to the benefit of all involved, most importantly the children.
Book Description
The mother/daughter relationship is one of the most intense relationships a woman will ever experience-it is strong and primary. This first and essential relationship has a powerful, though often subtle, effect on an adult woman's interactions with her mate, children, friends-and herself. Often, this crucial bond, which was initially based in love, turns into one of anger, guilt and resentment, the effects of which can permeate a woman's life; a burden from the past that is haunting, limiting and debilitating. In this profound book, coauthors Julie Firman and her daughter Dorothy Firman, both psychotherapists who specialize in mother/daughter workshops, help readers sift through old behavior patterns, feelings and thoughts to transform their relationships and, ultimately, themselves. For every woman who experiences the pain in her relationship with her mother or daughter, there is the promise of finding the joy. The Firmans will help readers grow beyond their limitations into more integrated, freer and more fulfilled women, using stories from their own lives, case studies of other women, and practical, revealing workbook exercises. Daughters and Mothers is an essential guide for women who want to heal their relationship and achieve greater acceptance, love and harmony. It book is for women of all ages-and one that is never too late to read.
Customer Reviews:
This book can help families heal and grow together.......2007-06-04
It isn't always pretty, but it will work! Healing a damaged mother/daughter relationship is vital to a healthy woman's life. This book can help you repair damage, sustain progress, and increase your understanding of each other.
A new level of experience.......2003-08-23
Working the program of this book is not as good as attending a mother-daughter workshop with the Firmans
but it sure is a cut above the usual mother-daughter literature. The insights, ideas, suggestions and exercises will enhance the life of any woman and will move the mother-daughter relationship to a new level for anyone who
works through the entire book.
Gentle and Fair.......2001-08-29
I have had this book since it was published, about 1990. On my initial reading I thought it heavily favored the daughter's point of view. Since rereading it recently I found it ofers a fairness I hadn't seen before, and some profound insights into the value the book offers. Examples: "The best advice you can give yourself is yours." "May you have the joy of following your own advice." And particularly the thought that if after reading the book we can see the way we can change, we are in a powerful position. On the contrary, if we think in terms of underling sections just to point out to the other how wrong she is, then we've lost that power. I appreciated the fact the book did not tell us to run out for a therapy session. We have the power and the potential within ourselves to change and to compromise for the sake of a wonderful daughter/mother relationship.
Gentle and Fair.......2001-08-29
I have had this book since it was published, about 1990. On my initial reading I thought it heavily favored the daughter's point of view. Since rereading it recently I found it offers a fairness I hadn't seen before, and some profound insights into the value the book offers. Examples: "The best advice you can give yourself is yours." "May you have the joy of following your own advice." And particularly the thought that if after reading the book we can see the way we can change, we are in a powerful position. On the contrary, if we think in terms of underling sections just to point out to the other how wrong she is, then we've lost that power. I appreciated the fact the book did not tell us to run out for a therapy session. We have the power and the potential within ourselves to change and to compromise for the sake of a wonderful daughter/mother relationship.
The classic on the topic, better than today's imitators........1998-10-19
This book rips the cover off the mother-daughter relationship and shows you the truth, sometimes beautiful, sometimes unseemly, that lies beneath. Not like that sappy imitation book by that wall-eyed Cokie Roberts person. How many face lifts has that babe had anyway? Her toes must be curling up by now. The Firmans' book is for real women...and the men who fear them.
Book Description
In over 40 years of mediating conflicts—between parents and children, husbands and wives, management and workers, police and communities, and warring groups around the world—Marshall Rosenberg has learned it is possible to resolve conflicts peacefully, and to everyone's satisfaction. It's not compromise—it's a caring and respectful quality of connection between the parties in conflict that meets everyone's needs.
Get to the Heart of the Matter—Most of us lack the vocabulary to express what we're feeling or needing, but we are well trained at pointing fingers at others as the "cause" of our pain. When people trust that their feelings and needs are valued - and heard - it immediately helps reduce tension and hostility, opening the door for peaceful resolution. Applying Dr. Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process inspires genuine cooperation by focusing on the unmet needs behind the conflict. Whether you're a professional mediator or wishing to resolve a conflict with your spouse, child or colleague, NVC offers practical, usable technique to get to the heart of the issue.
Customer Reviews:
a great little book!.......2007-02-19
I recommend this ( and his other books) to EVERYONE.
this COULD be the answer to Peace on Earth
Book Description
With wisdom and humor,
Thank You for Being Such a Pain offers gentle and compassionate guidance for understanding and healing relationships with difficult people. By embracing four fundamental premises and putting into practice the author's many helpful and practical suggestions, you'll acquire the skills and insights necessary for turning around even the most troublesome relationship. What you need to keep in mind is that: (1) nothing in your life happens randomly and your difficulties have a deeper purpose; (2) frustration and even emotional pain are as necessary for your personal and spiritual growth as love and joy; (3) transforming enmity and completing unfinished business may be the most important skills you can learn in life; and (4) when you make an effort to work on your inner self, your outer relationships will be transformed.
This groundbreaking book draws upon state-of-the-art psychological principles and timeless spiritual practices from all traditions. Filled with enlightening exercises and entertaining stories, Thank You for Being Such a Pain will forever change the way you see the difficult people in your life . . . as well as the way you see yourself.
Customer Reviews:
If people give you heartburn, READ THIS BOOK.......2007-06-16
I read most of the first section with gritted teeth, since it sounded to me like the author was making excuses for bad behavior and invalidating my feelings. I highlighted sentences here and there that I felt were relevant and took the rest with a large grain of salt. But after I finished reading it the first time, was actively implementing his suggestions and seeing significant results, I started the book again and saw it in a completely different light. What formerly made me grit my teeth now made sense - it's not as much about them as it is about me and my reaction. It's also hugely about my perception.
The annoying people are still annoying and probably always will be. However, the practical suggestions in this book have helped reduce the annoying person's wear and tear on me. When I'm not all churned up over other people's behavior, I enjoy my life a lot more.
Now, I read a few pages every morning before I go to work and I'm on my fourth time through. The pages are wrinkly from highlighting and it's almost time to buy a clean copy and start over. I can't believe how different my days are and how I don't feel totally wrung out when I get home in the evening. I'm also actually starting to get along with people who used to really push my buttons.
I've purchased this book for three of my friends, who also thought it was awesome, but they'll have to write their own reviews. Thank you, Dr. Rosen!!!
Requires emotional maturity.......2007-05-24
It took me several efforts to really start digging into Thank You for Being Such a Pain. Though conversationally written, I had to adjust my scholarly mindset to be open to the author's diligent reiteration that the book is based on his own personal philosophy, which is by no means the voice of authority. Because of this, I suspect I would prefer to attend one of the author's presentations over the book alone. That said, the book is thought-provoking but requires emotional calm and maturity from the reader, and an openness to the idea that the number of difficult people in one's life might simply be all in one's head.
If you are a person in crisis, desperately searching for strategies to deal with a difficult co-worker, spouse, or friend, this might not be the first book you want to pick up; especially if your eyeballs are spinning in their sockets. If you're ready to calmly move beyond the sense frustration that grips your waking moments and you aren't opposed to having some scripture tossed into the mix, Rosen's book might prove helpful.
Beautifully Written.......2007-03-18
Yes challenging people create growth & opportunity for us. They may also drive us crazy or cause great suffering as well. Dr. Rosen's writing style & voice are both engaging & intelligent. It's a far more personal book than I would have at first guessed. I love this book so much I have purchased it twice & eventually friends in need of loving guidance have absconded with those copies. It is a remarkably thoughtful & intelligent book. One which you will find yourself returning to again & again. I only wish that in the 10 years since Rosen published this that he would please write another.
Difficult people force us to think and grow.......2005-04-30
_The central idea of this book is that there is a spiritual reason that we encounter difficult people (and that they encounter us.) As the author states, we are not on this earth just to have fun- we are here to refine our character, develop our talents, and contribute our unique gifts toward the greater good. Often this means that we are provided with the ideal foe- one that pushes all of our buttons. Instead of automatically striking back, we need to try to find out why this is so. That is why this book is so useful, for it not only lists every known way of trying to deal with another person that you have a problem with, but also with how to try to understand their motives.
_Still, to his credit, the author recognizes that there are those that are so unreasonable that we will have no choice but to cut them off- and perhaps warn others. You just don't do this until you have exhausted all other options. Also, it is recognized that it is healthy and normal to have extreme emotional reactions to difficult people (how many authority figures have you encountered that considered your anger a worse sin than the offense that triggered it?)
_I've come to the conclusion that the author is correct in his views. There are no coincidences in this life- not if we are sensitive and introspective enough to recognize and interpret them. Plus, the purpose of this life is to learn and grow- and often that means the pressure of conflict. In and of itself, conflict is not good- it is the effort to understand both your motivations and that of others that is of value.
_This book isn't a cure-all for interpersonal conflicts by any means. However it is a good basis for a "reasonable man's standard" to use with dealing with others. Don't be too upset if you encounter people on which the approach simply will not work. Personally, over the years I've notice that there seem to be more and more people who simply cannot see that they are violating other's rights- or they simply do not care. Maybe that is why we are here- to be a thorn in their side....
And remember- some people are merely different, not difficult.
Thank You book is a restorative gem-my story.......2003-08-23
I am finishing an internship position working under a supervisor whose leadership style was a mix of authoritarian/ laisse faire. Metaphorically, I was in boot camp/ either sinking or teaching myself to swim. I was weak with writing paperwork and it often resulted in my supervisor ridiculing me to the whole department. I sometimes had to stand up to the supervisor without unleashing my wrangling emotions. I had to be very clear, justify my actions and not hold resentment. In other words, discipline myself. This book gives the mentholated rub needed. It is very helpful. It is very instructional, offering lots of techniques, warmth, and beautiful insight into a painful situation. Yes it is a gem of a book. It allowed me to stay in the training and learn to be more effective and efficient. The big bonus is that I grew emotionally. I learned to sit more with difficult emotions.
Books:
- Where the Red Fern Grows
- Why Do They Act That Way?: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen
- Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year (Wise Woman Herbal Series, Book 1) (Wise Woman Herbal Series : No. 1)
- Without a Map: A Memoir
- Zen Shorts (Caldecott Honor Book)
- A Smart Girl's Guide to Money: How to Make It, Save It, And Spend It (American Girl Library)
- A Young Woman After God's Own Heart: A Teen's Guide to Friends, Faith, Family, and the Future
- After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
- Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, Second Edition (Resources for Changing Lives)
- Alternative Medicine Guide to Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and Environmental Illness (Alternative Medicine Guide)
Books Index
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